Open your mind and say,'AWW'

Fiction Weird Science
First/Personals Satire Kitchen Syncronicities

This is not a memorial, like a tombstone, but a kind of

odometer, detailing just a little bit of the long, strange trip

various researchers
have been on, when they might have been doing something

important.

The Committee for Alien Content (we put the CAC in AggGagCAC)

would like to honour and thank all those who contributed to our

42 issue lifespan. In addition to those who contributed

entries, we are especially indebted to

team and to Shazz in particular for her

support and inspiration.

AggGag proudly featured the works of 119 Researchers

who contributed to a grand total of 154 Entries in our 42

issue history. These noble and worthy Researchers are listed here

for easy reference; first, by the AggGag issue number in which

they appeared and then by Researcher U-number in the Index of

Authors.

And here's a bonus feature:
The Shanghai, Illinois Daily Intelligencer

Obituary Of the Day by U186749

• Philosopher King
• Citizen Kine
• Semi-retired good shepherd
• Power-tripping type-setter
• Playing checkers on the cheese barrel over by the stove
• Resting on Laurel's
• The apprentice's sorcerer
• Stronger than he seems in photos. Unless they are 'scratch and
  
  sniff'.
• The jolliest green giant
• Remembers where eggs come from, but he's not telling, cause
  
  they're his.
• Thinks science will never replace religion because it makes
  
  too much sense.
• Likes his cake and eats it too.
• First person singular of the editorial wheee!
• Not satisfied with Page-a-Day calendars, has set his PDA and
  
  beeper to tell him what happened in 1665 to the Right Hon. Lord
  
  Dottleswill every half hour. Damned be Lord Dottleswill's personal
  
  secretary Tom Thompson for providing the data that makes this
  
  possible.
• What's at the end of a double rainbow?
• Tends to hum because he doesn't know the words.
• Once on the short list for the 'Got Milk' campaign. Now poster
  
  boy for the 'Got Lens Cap?' campaign.
• The missing link in the chain of evidence.
• It's tough at the top!
• No longer responsible ..for anything
• It was tough at the top; so Jay Dubya let it slide a li'l, and
  
  we took up a little of the slack.
• No longer responding to guilt stimuli.

• 2nd Assistant Dogsbody
• Minister of Information Retrieval and rabble rouser
• More trouble than he's worth.
• It ain't easy being green
• Remembers where he put his keys, but not where he's
  
  going.
• Remembers where he put his churchkeys.
• Snacks on communion crackers.
• Taking care of business.
• Once voted most likely to be voted least likely...
• Voted most likely to be voted least likely...
• Constructing tinker-toy xylophones.
• Likely voted most unlikely...
• Guesses you all know why he called you here...
• No better than the date on the carton.
• You *know* when you've been Tonsiled!
• Unable to raise a cane in anger.
• He's exactly what you'd imagine when you think of that screen
  
  name. Now, tell me, what *do* you imagine when someone says,
  
  '(tonsil (revenge)'? And vhile ve are at it, vot about your
  
  muzzer? Mmm? Yes, tell me about your muzzer?
• Just a-jiving and a-jumping like Jehosophat.

• Bottom-Feeder, Weeble Scout, GuideML Helper
• Nominations Wrangler and GuideML Helper
• Herder of Nominations
• An enigma wrapped in a Delorean.
• ...temporarily in control, like Al Haig in 1981
• An enigma wrapped in a British Racing Green Delorean.
• Remembers who he is, but not why.
• Thinks science is for sissies.
• Thawing out from a Michigan winter.
• Managing our inventory.
• Better known for what he hasn't done... yet.
• Doesn't say much so if he posts you'd better read.
• On banjo and ocarina.
• Mentioned in dispatches the world over, but not heralds or
  
  times...
• Almost beyond compare.
• Viva Zaphodista!
• Looking at houses. And they're looking back.
• Proud new homeowner with gardening plans.
• Went all round the houses and one finally winked back.

• Secretary General
• Merry Prankster
• Merry Prankster indeed
• A Merry Prankster is he!
• Older than he seems, younger than he can imagine.
• Looking for greener Pasteurs
• Remembers when he had his first tooth, but not why his mother
  
  does.
• Thinks.
• That's 'spiff'.
• On the tip of the cusp of almost succeeding.
• A smile follows where ever he goes.
• Whistles in the dark, smiles in the day.
• Nearly almost there... but just bit more off the top...
• Proud of his trousers.
• Now on extended tour of duty guarding planet Earth.
• The smile that launched a thousand spliffs.
• Bringing the deadlines back to life.

• Crusty Archivist
• Skill, luck, and a smile.
• Skill, a lucky shamrock, and a smile.
• Remembers everything but when it's his turn.
• Is so many people he's in a crowd even when alone.
• A multi-tasker.
• A word to the wise is sufficient. For everyone else...
• A word to the wise is gone fishin'.
• World's largest organist.
• If this were a photo, no caption would be needed, but
  
  inquiries are continuing at Whitehall...
• Keeper of alphabetical and chronological order and culinary
  
  disorder.
• Sie just lurves those gender-free pronouns!
• The crusty Archivist who preserves our posterity.
• Our crusty and most honourable Archivist!

• Our newest member, recently honoured by the Ministry of
  
  Black.
• Topping it all off with an eye to her bottom line...
• Not just pussyfooting around
• Worth more than her feed.
• No sourpuss.
• Pssst, Buddy! Can ya spare a little catnip?
• Pssst, Buddy! I am not orange!

• She's got a sharp pencil, and her neighbour's got a sharp
  
  knife.
• Never fails to comma-municate.

• BSE (Bossel's Scouting Enterprise)
• Inestimable when the auditor comes.
• Knows little green men when he sees them
• Remembers what he has forgotten, but not often enough.
• The greatest and grandest Scout of all! (ahem...)
• Is still the greatest and grandest Scout of all!
  
  (ahem...)
• Absolutely the greatest and grandest Scout of all!
• Modest beyond measure, but proud enough to put a contract on
  
  JWF.
• Smart enuff to speak several languages whenever possible.
• Favours the classics.
• Modest beyond measure, he only uses his meter stick in the
  
  dark.
• Scares the computer into behaving and the researchers into
  
  hiding.
• Now if you don't know *this* guy, you've probably never been
  
  near a review forum *at all*! often seen in hood'n'cloak carrying
  
  a long-handled agricultural cutting implement.
• Believe it or not the wise guy in this lot.
• He's here! He's there! He's every-Bossel-where! Sir Boss-el
  
  -el -el! Sir Boss-el -el -el!

• Where IS Hobbes?
• Outstanding in someone's field until the lights come on.
• Outstanding in someone's field until the green lights come
  
  on.
• Remembers when 'old school' was a new phrase.
• Remembers when 'old school' was a new phrase but forgets to
  
  check in.
• AWOL
• No longer a verb.
• 'Calvin'-ist.
• Tuppenny whistler.
• ......erb.
• Not been seen in these parts for many a moon.
• Recently spotted waving. Just waving.
• Hobbes! Hooo-oooooo-ooobbes! Was it something we said? We love
  
  you and we want you to come home!
• Was it just an apparition or did he really wave?

• Open-eyed dreamer (OED)
• Advancing scholarship beyond its ability to comprehend.
• Advancing horticulture beyond its ability to comprehend.
• Remembers the shock when he was told that he hadn't always
  
  existed on this plane. BOAC ticket agents are curious, too.
• Hasn't always existed on this plane. BOAC ticket agents are
  
  curious, too.
• Not to be confused with Zaphod.
• Possibily confused with Zaphod but definitely AWOL.
• Voted most likely to have a flavor of Kool-aid named after
  
  him.
• Just another face or two in the crowd.
• On double bass.
• Off to see the Wizard if the Wizard doesn't see him
  
  first...
• A wink's good enough for an old maid.
• Centres around the peripheral things of life.
• Circling, circling, might even try ovoiding.

• With perfect pitch, she's earning her scouting badge.
• Circling the peripheral things of life.
• Centres on the peripheral things of life.

• Our newest protege
• Our newest protege and most prolific writer.
• Our newest protege and most prolific writer (now
  
  semi-retired)
• Missing in action.
• No girl. No here.
• MIA.
• No girl. No here. No wonder.
• No here.
• A one man writing machine with copyright issues
• Almost anonymous.
• Taking legal advice.
• Living quietly on the farm, taking no calls.
• Definitely indefinitely off the active roster.

10.10.02 Front Page

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