World War One
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Some guy got shot in Sarajevo, then the s**t hit the fan. The Austrians started fighting the Serbs. The Russians started fighting the Austrians, and got stuck into the Germans before the Germans stuck the boot in. The Germans started fighting the Belgians and the French, and the British started fighting the Germans, which meant that it was in their interests to be nice to the French (every silver lining has a cloud).
On the western front the Germans faltered at the Marne, and turned back. They reached the line of the river Aisne and dug a big hole. Then both sides tried to outflank the other, and soon there was one big hole all the way from the English Channel to the Alps. For several years, wholesale slaughter was the order of the day (that doesn't sound right). Then the Germans launched a huge offensive which almost destroyed the British Army. Flushed with success, they all got p****d, and when the allies launched their counter-offensive, the Germans saw twice as many allied soldiers as there actually were, and ran off. The Kaiser went to live in Holland and grow Tulips, and his British cousins refused to speak to him again until he said sorry.
On the Eastern Front, the Russians suffered defeat after defeat, with brief moments of success, one of which was called the Brucellosis offensive (and it was). But when Lenin had nicked all the Russian army's rifles, they were in trouble. Soon the Russians surrendered and set about the business of killing each other rather than killing the Germans, which they had never been very good at anyway.
On the western front the Germans faltered at the Marne, and turned back. They reached the line of the river Aisne and dug a big hole. Then both sides tried to outflank the other, and soon there was one big hole all the way from the English Channel to the Alps. For several years, wholesale slaughter was the order of the day (that doesn't sound right). Then the Germans launched a huge offensive which almost destroyed the British Army. Flushed with success, they all got p****d, and when the allies launched their counter-offensive, the Germans saw twice as many allied soldiers as there actually were, and ran off. The Kaiser went to live in Holland and grow Tulips, and his British cousins refused to speak to him again until he said sorry.
On the Eastern Front, the Russians suffered defeat after defeat, with brief moments of success, one of which was called the Brucellosis offensive (and it was). But when Lenin had nicked all the Russian army's rifles, they were in trouble. Soon the Russians surrendered and set about the business of killing each other rather than killing the Germans, which they had never been very good at anyway.
