The Life and Climes of Corollary Bubblesqueak.
Created | Updated Dec 23, 2003
Episode Six: " Terror in the Palms. "
Scene: An ironmonger's cafe in downtown Sponge Corners.
Sound Effects:
1. Hammer hitting coffee cake, muttered oaths.
2. Monks from St. Cuthberts in the Loo chanting the Detroit phone directory from memory while
3. Aaron, a dyslexic eight-year-old from a Free School in outer Aeropagisville, Ohio, plays an obligato on a tissue and comb while cataloguing his Pokemon card collection in his head
4. whose Mom looks on with an expectant smile as she is only four and a half months pregnant and she hasn't told anyone yet
5. but the butcher has his suspicions.
Narrator: As the scene begins we are reminded of when we saw Corollary Bubblesqueak, Obese Masseuse at Large, last.
The sun was setting, her stockings were sagging, and a small tear had begun to run down her beautiful cheek. Her heaving bosoms were supported by her stong but gentle crossed arms that were hoping to become akimbo but the sensei wouldn't issue the belt until some fees were settled.
Sfx: Tolling of cracked bell in distance.
Narr: As our scene begins, we can see that Corollary has not moved an inch while the tear has settled on her chin, quivering in the breeze, and her stockings have descended another centimeter per celsius.
A bell tolls in the distance.
Corollary speaks.
C.B.: Oyyyyyyyyyyyy! I do not know what to say.
Narr: She pauses.
SFX: Dramatic cord of wood dropping from a great height onto a small Dane.
Scene: Slightly to the left of the previous, but two meters back from the one before last.
SFX:
1. The sound of missing union contract pages flapping against a surprised tree in a sidewalk planter two doors down from the Ironmonger's Cafe.
2. Fried Mars Bars underfoot of a young Bull pup searching for a serial port in a storm.
3. Diana Dors singing in the shower during a long weekend in a motel just south of Bucharest during the filming of a Lurex hat commercial in 1958.
Narr: And remember, folks, Swami SwimminguptheSeinewithoutearplugs says 'All your dental problems are in your head.'
And now, the Ladies Room Cleaning Staff At Heathrow would like to present another episode in that thrilling tribute to good taste and dental hygiene (and a short hello to Abigail Liagiba in the North Wing of the Pointley Presbyterian Lying In Hospital for Victims of the Poor Clares, who is 116 years old and feeling poorly because the thermostat on her electric blanket is marked in Cyrillic characters and she hasn't bought anything from Kellogg's in years), 'The Life and Climes of Corollary Bubblesqueak, the mother of twins she just met'. We listen in now as our heroine speaks:
C.B.: I don't remember having children. I think I would have had some indication. I don't even remember having an occasion to conceive any children. I think that might have been a day to remember.
SFX: The sound of a badly refereed Cricket match in the distance, say, the Orkneys.
Twins she just met: (in unison but almost an octave apart) But, but, but, but, but....
C.B.: No, I'm afraid....
SFX: Cm7th chord on a zither of 1/64th sec duration at sea level.
C.B.: I cannot be your mother. You see...
SFX: Robert Fripp tuning a fork.
C.B.: I had a small moggie as a child.
SFX: Robert Fripp dropping the fork into an unprepared piano.
Narr: Tune in next time, folks, when Corollary Bubblesqueak will probably utter those immortal words:
C.B.: But I just had a Brazilian bikini wax!
Scene: An ironmonger's cafe in downtown Sponge Corners.
Sound Effects:
1. Hammer hitting coffee cake, muttered oaths.
2. Monks from St. Cuthberts in the Loo chanting the Detroit phone directory from memory while
3. Aaron, a dyslexic eight-year-old from a Free School in outer Aeropagisville, Ohio, plays an obligato on a tissue and comb while cataloguing his Pokemon card collection in his head
4. whose Mom looks on with an expectant smile as she is only four and a half months pregnant and she hasn't told anyone yet
5. but the butcher has his suspicions.
Narrator: As the scene begins we are reminded of when we saw Corollary Bubblesqueak, Obese Masseuse at Large, last.
The sun was setting, her stockings were sagging, and a small tear had begun to run down her beautiful cheek. Her heaving bosoms were supported by her stong but gentle crossed arms that were hoping to become akimbo but the sensei wouldn't issue the belt until some fees were settled.
Sfx: Tolling of cracked bell in distance.
Narr: As our scene begins, we can see that Corollary has not moved an inch while the tear has settled on her chin, quivering in the breeze, and her stockings have descended another centimeter per celsius.
A bell tolls in the distance.
Corollary speaks.
C.B.: Oyyyyyyyyyyyy! I do not know what to say.
Narr: She pauses.
SFX: Dramatic cord of wood dropping from a great height onto a small Dane.
Scene: Slightly to the left of the previous, but two meters back from the one before last.
SFX:
1. The sound of missing union contract pages flapping against a surprised tree in a sidewalk planter two doors down from the Ironmonger's Cafe.
2. Fried Mars Bars underfoot of a young Bull pup searching for a serial port in a storm.
3. Diana Dors singing in the shower during a long weekend in a motel just south of Bucharest during the filming of a Lurex hat commercial in 1958.
Narr: And remember, folks, Swami SwimminguptheSeinewithoutearplugs says 'All your dental problems are in your head.'
And now, the Ladies Room Cleaning Staff At Heathrow would like to present another episode in that thrilling tribute to good taste and dental hygiene (and a short hello to Abigail Liagiba in the North Wing of the Pointley Presbyterian Lying In Hospital for Victims of the Poor Clares, who is 116 years old and feeling poorly because the thermostat on her electric blanket is marked in Cyrillic characters and she hasn't bought anything from Kellogg's in years), 'The Life and Climes of Corollary Bubblesqueak, the mother of twins she just met'. We listen in now as our heroine speaks:
C.B.: I don't remember having children. I think I would have had some indication. I don't even remember having an occasion to conceive any children. I think that might have been a day to remember.
SFX: The sound of a badly refereed Cricket match in the distance, say, the Orkneys.
Twins she just met: (in unison but almost an octave apart) But, but, but, but, but....
C.B.: No, I'm afraid....
SFX: Cm7th chord on a zither of 1/64th sec duration at sea level.
C.B.: I cannot be your mother. You see...
SFX: Robert Fripp tuning a fork.
C.B.: I had a small moggie as a child.
SFX: Robert Fripp dropping the fork into an unprepared piano.
Narr: Tune in next time, folks, when Corollary Bubblesqueak will probably utter those immortal words:
C.B.: But I just had a Brazilian bikini wax!
