My dog got "fixed" yesterday.

Anyway, as money has been extraordinarily short lately, I have not been able to take Stinky to the Vet to be properly "fixed". I had heard the Vet tell another dog owner in the community that there were a few farmers he knew of that would be able to do the 'snip' if they couldn't afford his services. The farmers in question were used to, and skilled at, performing the procedure on their livestock, and had done the same service for other people's dogs and cats, with an 100% success rate.
So I set out to find one of these 'amateur Vets', to ask them if they thought they might be able to 'help' my Stinky.
I found one . He agreed to perform the procedure to Stinky, as well as any male cats I wanted done. (Tabby was the only cat I could find, so he got to be "fixed", too. Lucky guy.)

When this very cheerful farmer arrived at my home, he asked me if Stinky was a good-natured dog, and when I assured him that he was, he gave me instructions on what I should do to help. The instructions consisted of:

1. Find a thick coat to cover the dog with, so he wouldn't turn around and bite me.
   
2. Lay Stinky on his side, and sit on him, while holding his back legs out of the way. (Apparently it is simpler to perform this on cattle as their heads are placed in a gate which holds them in place and their hind legs are sometimes tied so they don't kick the person doing the procedure.)
   
3. Don't let go until it's done.
   

So I found the jacket, covered Stinky's upper body with it, laid him on his side, sat on him (I'm not a very big person so there was no danger of me crushing him or anything like that), grabbed his rear legs, gritted my teeth, and looked the other way so as to not have to watch.

When the very cheerful farmer started the process Stinky went ballistic. He bucked me off in a way that would have made any bull in a rodeo proud, escaped the winter jacket and took off toward the house with his testicles hanging out of his sack.

Oh, dear!

The very cheerful farmer said that he had never had an animal react like that, and was quite surprised by Stinky's reaction. He was undaunted, however, and set right to work to finish the job.

Between the two of us we managed to re-wrap Stinky in the jacket, lay him on his side (I wrapped my legs around Stinky's middle to ensure that he wouldn't escape this time), get his legs out of the way, and began to finish the job.

Stinky, however, was having none of this . He fought and fought, to get out of it.

It took quite some time for the very cheerful farmer to properly complete the business but my poor dog was 'un-manned', so to speak. He was finally allowed to regain his dignity, and retire to his dog house. But not before giving me eleven scratches , three big bruises , and covering my face and clean blue jeans in blood and dirt . (He may have been allowed to regain his dignity, but I looked like a psychotic axe murderer by the time we were done.)

Tabby cat was 'snipped' without so much as a 'how-do-you-do' and he quickly scampered off to nurse his pride . You'll be happy to know that both Stinky and Tabby are right as rain today. There have been no complications for either animal, and they seem to behave as though nothing has happened. I, however, am glad the job is done. I am going to have to re-visit my chiropractor to have my spine "fixed" after the jarring I got.

Upon reflection, I guess that if I were a male and someone were to sneak-up on me, wrap me in a thick jacket, and snip off my little dangly bits, I might be kind of put out, not to mention totally embarrassed, at having gone through such an indignity .

And now that I think of it, the very cheerful farmer was slightly less than cheerful by the time he left .