Evil G
Created | Updated Aug 19, 2002
In the far reaches of my living room sits the best stress relief known to man. My piano. Pounding away aimlessly at it can relieve many a worry. Unfortunately for me, this specific piano is also the cause of some of my worries.
This leaves me in the pit of an ironic mess. You see, or rather hear, the middle G on my piano is badly out of tune. Actually, the whole damn thing is in dire need of a good working-on, but this G tops it all.
Everytime I ready myself for a brisk play at the piano, with Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata in C# minor, Pachelbel's Canon in D, or the ever-popular Fur Elise, I am tortured with the ear-wrenching sound of a mentally challenged cat with a bronchial infection sitting on a radiator. Yes, my friends, my middle G.
Ok, the retarded cat may be exaggerating a tad, but it does sound exactly as though you are not only hitting the G, but the F# directly before it at the exact same time. Of course, my unfortunate readers initial thought may be, "Sure...one note. Big flipping deal." But until you have been put through the physcially sickening agony of hearing it, you will never fully understand.
I have repeatedly begged my mother to have it fixed, but my efforts fall to deaf ears. I've threatened to never play the piano again, but that doesn't seem to phase her, which is rather insulting. So as payment, I horrifically magnify the evil G everytime I play it. My beautiful melodies are interrupted by the G being played at eardrum shattering levels.
My mom pretends not to notice. But I know everytime I play that note, a little piece of her shrivels up and DIES. She'll cave, oh yes. Someday she'll give in and call the repair man, and then fall to her knees begging me for forgiveness for waiting so long.Dum, dum, dee da doo, dee dee RETARDED G, dum, dee, doo doo dee, daa RETARDED G dee doo dee dee do!
And maybe I'll forgive her. Maybe. But until then, I just suffer the endless agony of the Evil G and pray for forgiveness from the music Gods. Beethoven is most likely rolling over in his grave.
End complaint #1.
