Continental Drift
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Continental drift is a problem of global proportions but is forgotten because everybody is consumed by the minor problems of global warming, the hole in the ozone layer and the break up of the Spice Girls.
Take Tasmania for instance. The future of this island as a low profile state of Australia is doomed by continental drift- it is moving towards the USA at a ripping speed, several centimetres per century. The residents of Tasmania now have to spend the entire GDP of Tasmania to arm themselves for their arrival in the outer suburbs of Los Angeles. Their attempts to apply for US citizenship now and avoid the rush later on are doomed to failure because the US bureaucracy has no concept of continental drift.
Another problem for Tasmanians is the conservative values of much of America, especially the Bible Belt. Zealous church leaders will discourage cartographers and publishers of atlases from working with Tasmania. Those who defy them will be labeled pornographers. The result will be that the new state of America will be filled with curious tourists who are always lost because maps of the island are banned.
It’s not just Tasmania who gets a raw deal from the drift. The citizenry of the US will not escaped unscathed. They will be faced with the arrival in their waters of a well-armed island of very nervous people in a bad mood because their applications for citizenship have been denied. A flood of filthy road maps of their newest state will attack their morals.
International shipping is in dire straits, too. Navigation is, in fact, impossible with all the continents constantly shifting their positions. Huge oil tankers get around the globe entirely by luck. Their captains never have any idea of where Africa is, nor Europe. It’s not generally realised, but the Exxon Valdez disaster was Alaska’s fault. It gathered a bit of momentum and rammed into the ship while the captain was sleeping.
This sort of "accident" is happening at an ever increasing frequency. Forget global warming, asteroids, overpopulation. Continental drift is the biggest threat to civilisation today.
Take Tasmania for instance. The future of this island as a low profile state of Australia is doomed by continental drift- it is moving towards the USA at a ripping speed, several centimetres per century. The residents of Tasmania now have to spend the entire GDP of Tasmania to arm themselves for their arrival in the outer suburbs of Los Angeles. Their attempts to apply for US citizenship now and avoid the rush later on are doomed to failure because the US bureaucracy has no concept of continental drift.
Another problem for Tasmanians is the conservative values of much of America, especially the Bible Belt. Zealous church leaders will discourage cartographers and publishers of atlases from working with Tasmania. Those who defy them will be labeled pornographers. The result will be that the new state of America will be filled with curious tourists who are always lost because maps of the island are banned.
It’s not just Tasmania who gets a raw deal from the drift. The citizenry of the US will not escaped unscathed. They will be faced with the arrival in their waters of a well-armed island of very nervous people in a bad mood because their applications for citizenship have been denied. A flood of filthy road maps of their newest state will attack their morals.
International shipping is in dire straits, too. Navigation is, in fact, impossible with all the continents constantly shifting their positions. Huge oil tankers get around the globe entirely by luck. Their captains never have any idea of where Africa is, nor Europe. It’s not generally realised, but the Exxon Valdez disaster was Alaska’s fault. It gathered a bit of momentum and rammed into the ship while the captain was sleeping.
This sort of "accident" is happening at an ever increasing frequency. Forget global warming, asteroids, overpopulation. Continental drift is the biggest threat to civilisation today.
