H2G2 Waterworks: The Lifeguard Hut

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The H2G2 Waterworks

Have you ever wanted to be a hero? smiley - hero Well now you can – by joining h2g2's elite band of lifeguards.


Here is a list of all the current Lifeguards we have:

  • Bluebottle - Chief Lifeguard, and Shop-steward of SOUL.
  • Roasted Amoeba - Person who gives mouth-to-mouth resusitation to all Bikini Babes
  • Saffire - Person who gives mouth-to-mouth resusitation to all Handsome Hunks
  • ><> - Fish who searches bottom of the ocean for corpses.
  • Third Asst. Eng. - Lifegaurd who inexplicably wears scuba gear.1
  • TechnicolorYawn - Lifeguard with spring-loaded nipples and the inate ability to run in slow motion.
  • Donne - The Non-Bouyant But Enthusiastic Land-locked Lifeguard.
  • Demon Drawer & Bernard the St. Bernard - Lifeguards with special Mountain and Snow rescue abilities.
  • TV's Frinks - The jellyfish lookout.
  • Santragenius V- Beer-lifeguard - walks around putting beer into small thermo boxes with ice to keep at the right temperature.
  • Tyran - Alligator Control.
  • Kearnest - Deranged helicopter pilot.
  • Cupid Stunt - Inately faffing about life guard that's allways doing things but never actually gets anything done.
  • Shazz - Person who wanders about picking up the rubbish with a pointy stick.
  • Tatty - Helicopter Technician/Engineer.
  • Justin - Parachuting action hero lifeguard.
  • Courtesy38 - The Courteous Lifeguard.
  • P'Hul* - Purple-skinned Lifeguard with Yellow Polka Dots that just Walks Around the Beach with Purple skin and Yellow Polka Dots.
  • Andromeda - Dizzy Lifeguard who stands around Looking Pretty.
  • Looneytunes - Lifeguard Dressed as a Penguin, who patrols the beach looking vain and vacant.
  • The Cheese - The Hobo2 Lifeguard.
  • Ming - The Lifeguard who Stares at the Sky for No Particular Reason.
  • The Fish - The Lifeguard who Spends all Day Contemplating the Wonders of Cheese.
  • YK - Lifeguard who has Reflexes Fast Enough to Catch Jar-Jar's Tongue.
  • The Dirty Vicar - Lifeguard who constantly draws spirals in the sand signing any number of "They Might Be Giants" songs.
  • Apollo - Greek God Lifeguard who sits in his tower while all the women gather around.
  • Saturn Girl - long legs, a good tan, and a lizard to help her out.
  • RedFish - Lifeguard with battleships and warplanes and guns 'n' stuff.
  • Tabitca - Lifeguard and Beach Cleaner.
  • Jeffery the hyper-intelligent bACE Guitar - The Squigee King!
  • Sammy - Lifeguard of the highest chair
  • Skenboy - Lifeguard that wears Matrix style shades.
  • Aquatic Midnight - Lifeguard that wondered whether we were still active.
  • Purr in Boots - Lifeguard whose unreasonable fear of water won't stop this Cat from rescuing you, we hope.

There are still positions yet to be filled! So what are you waiting for? Join up now!!!!


All lifeguards are members of SOUL. The Society to Outlaw Unauthorised Lifeguards.

All Lifeguards are also members of HRASC - H2G2 Researchers Against Swimming Costumes, banning swimming costumes, and keeping us safe from sharks smiley - sharkfor good!

In Alabaster, the H2G2 Fish smiley - fish look as if they are drowning! So join the Save the Fish Campaign!

You will find all of our Lifeguards patrolling both The Beach, and the The Swimming Pool, and even The Fountain if anyone falls in!

Other places to go in the Waterworks:

Or look at the Waterworks Map.

1Yet remains HRASC compliant2Tramp

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