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31/12/2013: If only they were battery operated, kids that is. You'd be able to turn their volume down, or even switch them off when they'd exhausted you. - Lanzababy

15/12/2013: My 15 minutes are basically due to being a socially inadequate loser who needs help to find a woman! - Ferrettbadger

14/12/2013: This is the story of Keith,

Who was granted a new set of teeth.

He ate up the street.

It was made of concrete,

And now he has moved to the heath. - paulh

13/12/2013: I consider it a step too far in cubbyhole enfurnishment terms. I mean, the plants and the tablecloth and the vintage radios and the CD deck and the stuffed cat and the toy robin and snake... the blankets, dressing gown, toothbrush, slippers, hot water bottle, cafeter, flowers, fez and stock of porridge ALL notwithstanding, a leather recliner is deffo pushing it. - DruglessBrain

12/12/2013: We've developed nuclear weapons here in the UK, but it's not really the right time to launch them. - Icy North

11/12/2013: They retain their mintiness for ever. I believe I've had a packet in my golf bag for the last 20 years. - Mu Beta

10/12/2013: I haven't read a book for ages - I blame t'internet for my rapidly diminishing attention span. - swl

09/12/2013: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. - paulh

08/12/2013: I guess I could store my ale in a reasonably cool cupboard, but this is Oklahoma - there is no such thing as a reasonably cool cupboard! - Working Stagehand

07/12/2013: It's not an idle threat. If you knew how many beers I'd watched get slightly warmer and flatter because he's on one about bloody glasses... - Mr603

06/12/2013: Trust me, I could sit you down with certain beers and different shaped glasses and prove it makes a difference. - Pastey

05/12/2013: Australian beers ... are drunk very, very cold because if you could taste them, in most cases you would never buy them again. - Phoenician Trader

04/12/2013: December is a good time for sitting indoors, keeping warm and eating things like mince pies. - Gnomon

03/12/2013: If I go to a Barbers/Hairdresser its usually for a hair-count and a polish. Takes about 30 seconds. - BMT

02/12/2013: Showering this morning was chaos! Soap shower curtain, shampoo arms and legs everywhere. And I probably have unrinsed soap in my hair and shampoo under my arms. - Pink Paisley

01/12/2013: I looked at my trusty Comparison Wrangler, not even needing to ask the question. 'Harold and Maude,' quoth he, 'meets Finding Nemo.' - Awix

30/11/2013: He took his love for a moonlight ride upon the Monongahela
And she fell for him because you know, he was a hell of a fella. - pebblederook

29/11/2013: Computer Seance - Icy North

28/11/2013: You say pyjama and I say pashmina, it's an easy mistake to make - pebblederook

27/11/2013: Nah--to be a guilty pleasure, you have to be a bit ashamed of it. I don't Dmitri *has* any shame... - Amy Pawloski

26/11/2013: When I'm cycling, I can't hear anything over the pounding of my heart, the rasping of my breath, the clacking of my hips and the creaking of my knees. - swl

25/11/2013: Hmmm, Gosho, you have admitted to owning three sheets and using them to block draughts. So you've just publically stated that you're three sheets to the wind. - Malabarista

24/11/2013: I always had this view of French politics as being all about people building barricades in the streets, waving tattered flags and guillotining the rich. Maybe I watch too many musicals. - Icy North

23/11/2013: We are the history seekers! Searching for those sepia glimpses of a parallel universe, for those streets we recognise although we've never been there before - Cactuscafe

22/11/2013: I became my own boss 5 years ago (I retired, sod working). That means I don't have to answer questions unless you are wearing a policemans helmet. - pebblederook

21/11/2013: Icy, I was supposed to be working today! Now I'll get nothing done... - Gnomon

20/11/2013: I prefer the sandwich analgy of Guide ML... seriously... your writing, the 'text' forming the entry, of course, being the butter, and bacon and egg filling, and the Guide ML being the sliced bread, to hold the filling - 2legs

19/11/2013: Traditionally, the word "tiara" refers to a high crown, often with the shape of a cylinder narrowed at its top, made of fabric or leather, and richly ornamented. Alternatively the modern type is that often worn by members of European royal families although they may be worn by anyone of any rank including Brides and Wonder Woman. - pebblederook

18/11/2013: I can't really work an Xbox controller with long nails - Magwitch

17/11/2013: Whenever I ride my horse by moonlight, I depend on saddlelights. - paulh

16/11/2013: I typed myself out of my second QotD ever?!? - Amy Pawloski

15/11/2013: That's the importance of birth control, guys and girls. SWL's kid forgets to take precautions, and suddenly h2g2 becomes slightly more boring. - Mr603

14/11/2013: If it is in the kitchen and isn't twitching cook it, if it's in the bedroom and it isn't twitching, wear it; unless they are english. - pebblederook

13/11/2013: Only the polar bears came out well - Gnomon

12/11/2013: It's much more alarming than you realise. If I start y'alling I might forget what biscuits are - I'll start thinking they are special scones used for dunking in gravy! I'm at altogether the wrong latitude to be y'alling. It's unnatural! - U891566KB

11/11/2013: To carv your turnip for the eve,

when spirits outside run free,

to carve that turnip so perfect, or suffer the non carved turnip misary. - 2legs

10/11/2013: I feel like one of the characters in a computer game where you go wandering round a maze... By the time you've worked out where you need to go next, you've been zapped by a monster with a fireball. - minorvogonpoet

09/11/2013: Blimey I'm going to be busier than when I was at work. - Bald Bloke

08/11/2013: Butter may be good on waffles, but 2legs certainly waffles well on butter. - TC

07/11/2013: Also ... did you know Africa has almost the same surface area as the entire Moon? - Willem

06/11/2013: I thought the pearly gates were guarded by Saint Peter, not an Ewok. - Gnomon

05/11/2013: ...there's a high standard of QUALITY about h2g2 that no one else has. - Baron Grim

04/11/2013: Oo. Its November. - 2legs

03/11/2013: There's so much information flying at us these days, that sometimes it's good to shrug and not worry if you miss something - KB

02/11/2013: Maximum volume yields maximum results... maybe it's a quirk of the circles I move in, but for me and my gigging pals taking earplugs is just something you do. Being in Very Loud Bands ourselves we have posh earplugs. - Mr. Dreadful

01/11/2013: Brain sparks are good for illuminating a room if there's a power cut, and if you can't find the candles. - cactuscafe

31/10/2013: 2legs, you are *not* to be handing your limp carrot to any youngster who comes to the door. I'm going to have to insist upon that! - KB

30/10/2013: The CGI is just froth on the drivel. - swl

29/10/2013: I almost had to step it up to stop the game flowing past me and winning itself. - Just Bob

28/10/2013: Ginger, cocoa, truffles and apricots? Admit it - you were wearing your breakfast. - Icy North

27/10/2013: *reaches for tissue to blow nose, yet again* - 2legs

26/10/2013: Yeah well, they all end up in Blandford Forum don't they? Didn't he try to weld a Moog onto a saxophone, then burnt his fingers trying to play it ? - McKay The Disorganised

25/10/2013: ...in 1500 your risk of being killed by a car was zero, whereas something like ten people in the UK are killed by cars every day. Swings and roundabouts. (Insert gag about swings and roundabouts being dangerous too). - Hoovooloo

24/10/2013: I do have one ambition. I don't want to end up in care. I would rather go to prison because I know I will treated better. - purrypants

23/10/2013: Pandas having difficulty getting pregnant? Have they considered putting them on Welfare Benefits? - swl

22/10/2013: Other than providing kisses, princes in Disney films are invariably completely useless. Yet everyone complains about how the princesses are unsuitable role models for girls. - Bluebottle

21/10/2013: Great news. I have just discovered that November this year only has thirty days. Whooooo that's going to make it so much easier. - pebblederook

20/10/2013: I have been to see Sunshine on Leith. It was Ok. Big dance number at the end. Does that make it Scollywood? - Pink Paisley

19/10/2013: It would be easier to take an inflatable 2legs home - Sho

18/10/2013: Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. - The Thinker

17/10/2013: My chin likes to remember how concrete feels and my feet get tired of that whole 'holding my body up' thing. - HonestIago

16/10/2013: What a disappointment. I had in mind the English doughnut and a vision of the honourable member for Waffling being pumped full of strawberry jam - pebblederook

15/10/2013: When they are here be thankful that they are here and when they are gone be thankful that you knew them. - Stone Aart

14/10/2013: The sure-fire giveaway was the little horns under the hair. Which led to the courting custom of stroking said hair, feeling for little horns... - Dmitri Gheorgheni

13/10/2013: Therefore, if the content is so mad, and if the asylums aren't loaded with its readers, common sense and reason suggests that its readers can't possibly exist because no-one can be that barking and still be allowed to walk the streets. If its readers don't exist, it doesn't exist either. - Gosho

12/10/2013: ...luckily this site seems to attract a strange sub section of society who tend to avoid abuse when possible and at least try to make it elegant when not. - pebblederook

10/10/2013: Ah, but Gosho, is this really something you think of a lot, or is it several similar thoughts which occupy the same space in your head? - Geggs

09/10/2013: So when you are on your way home from the pub one night and a strange fat bird in a ballet tutu and a sparkly wand tells you that you have got three magic wishes, go with it. - pebblederook

08/10/2013: That wasn't actually the original question, but who cares? Answering questions other than the one asked is at the heart of politics throughout the world. - hygienicdispenser

07/10/2013: Here, Sheen is given very little to work with, script-wise, and as a result clearly just thinks 'Ah, sod it, may as well just have some fun.' As a result his performance is so staggeringly camp and over-the-top it is probably best viewed via the Hubble space telescope. - Awix

06/10/2013: I have no idea what anything costs, except as a genral rule of thumb Ferraris cost a lot and bread is a bit cheaper. - pebblederook

05/10/2013: ... does that mean more false teeth are MADE there, or WORN there? Craftsmanship, or poor dental care? - Baron Grim

04/10/2013: Beware the cheese purists, for their scorn it poureth forth, like molten brie and gudar - 2legs

03/10/2013: Don't wear roller skates to go horse riding, and don't wear Wellington boots to go tightrope-walking. - KB

02/10/2013: As a long distance cyclist I blame 2legs for not advising dragonqueen that nappy rash cream is an absolute must for anyone spending time on any type of cycle. - pebblederook

01/10/2013: I suspect they might use queso Chihuahua. (No, that doesn't mean dog cheese.) - Baron Grim