History: 2011 Quotes; Leaderboards

2012 Leaderboards: JanuaryFebruaryMarch

Present Quotes Archive

31/12/2011: I think that a <train> smiley should have a rail
replacement bus service every Sunday instead - Bluebottle

30/12/2011: Can you even imagine how many of 2legs old posts now have s in them?



I hate to even think what a <biggirn> will look like. - Baron Grim

29/12/2011: What I want to know is if singer and actors get honorary doctorates, why don't chemists and biologists get honorary oscars or grammys? - Xanatic

28/12/2011: Ideas. They don't grow on trees. If they did, they'd soon cut themselves loose if they were neglected for too long.


Somewhere there are herds of ideas looking for writers willing to put them to work. - paulh

27/12/2011: Well, I'll find out soon – 60GB of storage-space is now wedged between a Vienna loaf and a frozen salmon. - Deep Doo Doo

26/12/2011: Why go to Africa and eat in an Italian restaurant and complain it’s inauthentic? - Storm

25/12/2011: It's like complaining that someone who's only ever eaten McDonalds in a bus shelter has no idea which fork to use at the ambassador's reception. - Mr603

24/12/2011: I'm sure there's a joke in this, or if there isn't there should be...


'My dog has smelly feet.'


Punchlines on a h2g2 post, please. - Geggs

23/12/2011: If you hired one full time consultant they would be unlikely to have a PhD in Parkinson's and in Dementia. - Z / Dr Zen

22/12/2011: There are no bowels in h2g2's code. Towels, for sure, but no bowels. - Icy North

21/12/2011: Then why is it called bounty, not scarcity? That's just dishonest. - SiliconDioxide

20/12/2011: Elektra said, 'The Announcement thread has gone from punctuation to Helen Mirren with no clothes on.'


I said, 'This is an improvement.' - Dmitri

19/12/2011: Because... Just when you least expect it, WHOOSH! They'll leap right for your jugular! - Baron Grim

18/12/2011: It just means the scams would change slightly. You'd get a variation of the emails about deposed African generals who want to put money in your bank account.


"Hello, I am a Scottish Laird. I have recently been deposed by Alex Salmond..." - KB

17/12/2011: There are 10 kind of people in this world:


those who understand and like binary jokes, those who understand and don't like binary jokes, those who don't understand binary jokes, those who don't care about binary jokes, those who like telling "there are x kind of people" jokes, those who never remember these jokes, those who don't tell such jokes because all they know are Monty Python quotes, those who link to http://xkcd.com/953/ when they see a binary joke, those who slip a "there are two kind of people" quote from "the good, the bad and the ugly", and those who take "there are 10 kind of people" seriously. - toybox

16/12/2011: Now doing 50, but I've just been overtaken by a rose bush - swl

15/12/2011: The British government falls after a month of increasingly violent protests; David Cameron flees to his home planet. - quotes

14/12/2011: Pixellation is the worst non-solution to a problem ever invented. - Recumbentman

13/12/2011: What's the point of rules if you cannot break them? - toybox

12/12/2011: The zip gave way and I suddenly lost my trousers in mid-air. - Malabarista

11/12/2011: How strange... I have rather tended, all my life, to go out of my way specifically to avoid running... does this make my buttocks redundant? - 2legs

10/12/2011: I didn't clean up for my cleaner and she resigned. Now Ben won't let us get a cleaner until it's er, clean enough. - Z / Dr Zen

09/12/2011: "Could the man in the top hat refrain from tying the young lady to the tracks" - Fizzymouse

08/12/2011: As my late grandmother used to say, if you're resting on your laurels, you're wearing them at the wrong end. - psychocandy

07/12/2011: i like it just a little bit broken it so reasuring - Jackruss

06/12/2011: This thread reminds me, better go buy my elf ears today - Malabarista

05/12/2011: Oh, my... we're going to be drownin' in smilies by crimbo. We'll be coughin' up cute. - Baron Grim

04/12/2011: Mature Old One seeks Ringwraith for friendship, maybe more. GSOH. Own home. Wants someone to make his stars right. - Mr. Dreadful

03/12/2011: To me it is palpable proof of God's existence, a posteriori. But why do womens' bums wiggle like that, and mens' don't? - Gosho

02/12/2011: I've never got around to procrastinating, I keep hearing it's a good thing so I keep thinking I'll give it a go, but then I usually get distracted by something trivial and by the time I've done that something else trivial has cropped up. It's almost like I'm avoiding procrastinating when in actual fact I just haven't got around to it yet.

I will, I keep meaning to. Just haven't yet.

What were we talking about? - Pastey

01/12/2011: Is the phone dumb in the British sense or in the American sense? - Bel

30/11/2011: With all the rancour in this thread - who needs an enemy-cake with friendship-cakes like this? - Orcus

29/11/2011: I once ended up on crutches after a terrible telephone-answering accident... - Ivan the Terribly Average

28/11/2011: Custard swamp? I've got to get me one of those - Persephone

27/11/2011: A and a prehistoric lion in the same ice-cream queue? You don't see that every day... - Bluebottle

26/11/2011: I can tell you writing hieroglyphics long hand is an absolute, foot facing right – quail chick – stand for water vessel – stand for water vessel – reed – mouth and there isn't room for 30.000 Chinese characters on my keyboard. - tucuxii

25/11/2011: The only thing I can think of to do with a chainsaw from a wheelchair is to utterly terrify bystanders. - Asteroid Lil

24/11/2011: Then again, the only time I slept in a hotel in Salford was when I couldn't be arsed walking all the way home and kipped in a laundry cupboard at the Copthorne. - Mr603

23/11/2011: Rock concerts are very bad for your hearing. I SAID ROCK CONCERTS ARE VERY BAD FOR YOUR HEARING!!! - mari-rae

22/11/2011: I like to be a magical tank: subtlety is not a skill I possess but setting things on fire with the power of my mind is something I can get onboard with. - HonestIago

21/11/2011: Beer shouldn't fall, not even drop. Beer should flow. - Hati

20/11/2011: So what actually is memory foam then? - Pegasus

19/11/2011: Do albatross wings taste good with BBQ sauce? - Happy Nerd

18/11/2011: Now what quite interesting thing could you do with a Hopi Indian, a small division of Napoleon's Army in the Egyptian Campaign, and a chicken? - Clive the Flying Ostrich

17/11/2011: I think I like your life, can I borrow it? - Anna Siren

16/11/2011: I never realised I was interested in history so much until I joined h2g2 and started reading (and sometimes even writing) guide entries. - Bel

15/11/2011: We have to keep this place a secret don't we...? - turvy

14/11/2011: It's all very well buying Comet for £2, but did they pay the £50m for the three year extended warranty? - swl

13/11/2011: This is like reading PG Wodehouse on crack! - KB

12/11/2011: I use a lot, but then, it is a self-portrait - Malabarista

11/11/2011: Deep-fried confectionary products are so last Tuesday. - swl

10/11/2011: The whole of pharmacology at your fingertips, and the best you can come up with is 'Red Bull'? - Mu Beta

09/11/2011: Any chance of getting QOTD back rather than QOTW ... QOTD livened up convos and gave a chortle most days. - 3Dots

07/11/2011: So, in other words, we're less of an inclusive community than an inconclusive community? - Mu Beta

31/10/2011: Now this is what I remember as being special about h2g2 - real wit, real invention, generosity of spirit and in this case rhythm, meter and scansion to boot. - Robbie Stamp

24/10/2011: I was in 57 the other week - drinking lambics, eating cheese and schooling a cage-fighting Buddhist poet in the art of chess. - Mr603

18/10/2011: It has been a fun ride so far … amazing how things pan out. - Brain Larholm

03/10/2011: We'll have to organise an experiment... - sprout

15/08/2011: … why did people stop whistling? - elderberry

13/06/2011: Do you throw like a girl or a boy? - Effers

06/06/2011: Being of the decidedly cuddly persuasion would wearing flares just make me look daft? - Mr. Dreadful

16/05/2011: What's the most manly soft drink? - Icy North

05/01/2011: You have to make things happen yourself, really. - Trillian's Child