Current Quotes and Leaderboard

Leaderboards: AprilMayJune

30/06/2013: My trouble is a lot of the time I pay no heed to street names even when I know the area well. So I could tell you how to get from here to the library, or the station, but I couldn't necessarily tell you how to get...how to get to Sesame Street. - KB

29/06/2013: I went to get the beers in and returned with her in full flow. "The thing about raising Freak Boy is that it was so hard buying shoes for him. He needs canal boats on his feet." - Mr603

28/06/2013: This is where being a Brit in Texas comes in really handy - I can be very imperious when I ask someone to leave - Gosho

27/06/2013: I remember the year of 1969, the summer of love, with the cool and trendy phrases: "groovy", "hip" "way out man", "far out man" and "peace man". - The Thinker

26/06/2013: Our forefathers ate parts of grandpa to keep his wisdom in the family - do you awfully mind if noone here snacks you? - Pit

25/06/2013: There is a line between secure and paranoid, but it's as wide as the Pacific. - Atlantic_Cable

24/06/2013: Would I pay £4,500 for a guitar? No, but I would pay that for a collection and would get more pleasure from it too. Would any audience that I play to ever notice? I shouldn't think so. They are more likely to get trampled in the rush for the exits. - Pink Paisley

23/06/2013: It's usually not the complete computer novice that does stupid things that require ridicule. It's the people who know just enough to be dangerous. - Blatherskite the Mugwump

22/06/2013: The FBI, CIA, MI5, MFI, and BHS have been doing this for years to us... no one realises.... but when I try and tell them... its never long, before I hear the sound of splintering wood, as the front door caves in, and the sound of boot-clad feet, and gun toting special agents, from 'The man', trampling up my stairs.. oh... hang on, what's that n - 2legs

21/06/2013: Americans don't talk about the weather because it is so consistent. The weather forecast on TV is for the WHOLE CONTINENT. In Ireland, the weather varies by the mile, so there is something to talk about. - Gnomon

20/06/2013: I do believe I've racked up 25 Edited or Approved Entries. And it's only taken me the best part of 11 years. - Geggs

19/06/2013: Unfortunately beating the customer to death with the nearest heavy object is frowned upon..... - Mudhooks

18/06/2013: Life: May contain small parts. Not suitable for anyone under the age of 36. - Clive the Flying Ostrich

17/06/2013: tried to read the guide to the code etc, totally lost ( mind you it hasn't got a clutch!) - Freewayriding

16/06/2013: I have a friend who invariably forgot their password; and kept getting the message 'your password is incorrect' so decided to use 'incorrect' as the password. - scorp

15/06/2013: Well you and I know it as a deckchair, but suddenly, one day, out of the blue folk on the telly will be calling it a sofa. - winnoch2

14/06/2013: Twinkle twinkle little spoon

How I wonder if I'll soon

Find you in the kitchen sink

That would make us stop and think

Twinkle twinkle little spoon

Brightening up the month of June. - Beatrice

13/06/2013: I have a face recognition security lock on my phone. Sometimes it says "can't find a face". Am I that ugly? - Gnomon

12/06/2013: Someone once told me that Humpty Dumpty was a political satire, but I can't remember who or what is was supposed to be satirising. Humpty Dumpty to me was one seriously spooky egg. How did we ever survive childhood? - cactuscafe

11/06/2013: At first, I entitled the e-mail "lunch hour quickie" - then I thought better of it. - TC

10/06/2013: My problem with visualising this was that I kept thinking of American footballs. Which would be a really funny shape for a snack food. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

09/06/2013: Mother Nature's goodies are not always evenly distributed - Pierce the Pirate

08/06/2013: All the best jokes are a little non-PC. Ergo, computer jokes aren't. - SiliconDioxide

07/06/2013: Just such a pain of a rockstar asteroid, expects everyone and everything to be in its orbit. That moon had a life before she started circling around it. - cactuscafe

06/06/2013: Remember and keep the paperwork for the wedding licence. I find wives love being reminded for years to come that you've kept the receipt for her. - swl

05/06/2013: We are labouring under a false dichotomy a bit, though. Not everywhere - not even *close* to everywhere - which isn't all-you-can-eat offers the kind of dining experience Sho refers to above. It is quite possible to simultaneously achieve bad value, poor food and small portions. - KB

04/06/2013: so your opinion of Ovid's not undergone a Metamorphoses lately... - Bluebottle

03/06/2013: Cheesy footballs! Food of the gods. Well. Food of the gods who are having some self-respect problems. - hygienicdispenser

02/06/2013: I'm not the same as I was ten years ago, when I was newby on h2g2. It's been a fun ten years. - paulh

01/06/2013: No-one does 'mortally offended' as funny as you do, Dmitri - Icy North

31/05/2013: I've eaten 3-year out of date Branston Pickle and survived. Word of advice: when visiting elderly relatives, always check the labels... - Bluebottle

30/05/2013: From out of peculiar compost, blue gnomes will appear. - cactuscafe

29/05/2013: My rule of thumb is that if it, a) smells okay and b) is not a sort of bluey-green colour then it's okay to eat, unless it's Stilton, in which case the reverse holds true. - hygienicdispenser

28/05/2013: I blame the Brits' bad performance on Terry Wogan. He instilled a culture in the UK of thinking the Eurovision is rubbish, whereas other countries recognise it as Europop gay kitsch-trash-fest. - Gnomon

27/05/2013: Cross-country skiing was a bit better for me, but it was still exhausting to stay erect. Ice skating? Forget it! - paulh

26/05/2013: ...the movie seems rather more interested in illustrating the main and fundamental difference between the new Star Trek universe and the one it replaced: specifically, that in nu-Trek people wear more hats. - Awix

25/05/2013: Oh, come on. Since when did Superman need shin pads? - Geggs

24/05/2013: Ah yes, Vino Collapso, I know it well! Made from the same grapes as the French Chateau Migraine and the Portuguese Vinho Podagras, I believe - Pierce The Pirate

23/05/2013: [insert a withering comment here, I can't be bothered] - Hoovooloo

22/05/2013: My wife thinks our son is gay. I'll let him finish crying about the Eurovision result and then I'll ask him. - swl

21/05/2013: Ha ha Greece! Accordions, bouzouki, Madness and free booze - gotta be a contender! - Dea

20/05/2013: I would call AAA and then play Angry Birds on my phone while I wait 20-30 minutes for their arrival. - Witty Moniker

19/05/2013: I'm thinking, eventually, a 100 hour baguette recipie might be possible... and with time, taste improves.... so they say... whoever they are... - 2legs

18/05/2013: ...so far it reads kind of like 'Freckles' meets 'Ayn Rand' with a little 'Lord Fauntleroy' thrown in for good measure. - Florida Sailor

17/05/2013: [Here follows a statement about the fish called Sargus, which is unfit to print.] - KB

15/05/2013: Then I log off and go back to my drab, wretched life, and the opportunity is lost. - paulh

14/05/2013: Could I suggest that regardless of where the crown might have come from, if there's a monarch beneath it, then it is not a fake? - Geggs

13/05/2013: I knew Norm Lately. He lived up in the Brokeback Mountains. - Stone Aart

12/05/2013: I was told early into my hootoo career that the best way to ensure attention and comments was to have a title including "Hitler's sexy underpants". It is a maxim that I have tried to live up to ever since. - Nosebagbadger

11/05/2013: Come to think of it, Londoners have elected Mad Lord Snapcase as mayor... - parrferris

10/05/2013: That's what comes of watching films set in Ireland, you get our rain. - Malabarista

09/05/2013: I have a photo I took of a guy with an upright piano in the middle of Grafton Street, but then, you get all sorts on Grafton Street. - TRiG

08/05/2013: The only Australian beer I tried, was a microbrewry thing ... cost a fortune, and was horrible; had overtones of napalm, with a hint of biscuity nuttyness, that was ... drowned out by ... the taste of German leather trousers - 2legs

07/05/2013: If dressing as pirates on the slimmest of pretexts was a source of discredit, why; we wouldn't have any credit left. - SiliconDioxide

06/05/2013: Every night I say a prayer of thanks to the Deity. Because he hath invented OCD, and blessed the h2g2 Children with it. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

05/05/2013: ... a Cambridge Computers Z88, in full working order but with absolutely no discernible use. I just liked the look of it. - Hoovooloo

04/05/2013: Oh thank bob. I thought the topic would never drift. - Asteroid Lil

03/05/2013: There's a certain point while reading that post where I start to sound like Swedish Chef... - Mu Beta

02/05/2013: Now it's some sort of techno-rave with moving pictures. - Icy North

01/05/2013: We have a rule that I am allowed to ogle the waitress for as long as it takes my wife to order a meal for five in flawless local dialect, no matter how long that takes. - SiliconDioxide

30/04/2013: The farmhouse kitchen ceiling told a story: it was battle-scarred from my grandmother's cooking. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

29/04/2013: Sort it out folks, I can't single-handedly keep Geggs in quotes! - Mr603

28/04/2013: It's about as much fun as you can possibly have without appearing cool. - Icy North

27/04/2013: [Shrewsbury] might sneak off and join Wales some time, I wouldn't put it past it. - Vip

26/04/2013: And when someone can couch their pet theory in the language of mathematics, sometimes it can just about pass for physics proper - swl

25/04/2013: Amazingly, the planet is not child-proof. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

24/04/2013: and if Nora Krust became an editor, she'd be N. Krust (Ed). She could visit places with her boyfriend Jules. - Gnomon

23/04/2013: My idea of roughing it is staying at a resort that doesn't have a bar in the pool - Witty Moniker

22/04/2013: I'm chuffed that I have been able to make a contribution to the Post, one of my life time goals done - Peanut

21/04/2013: A cockroach interrupted my first sexual experience. - Baron Grim

20/04/2013: That's like a scientist saying, "I did research and the results didn't match my theory, so I'm discarding the facts until I find some to fit my theory". Or a policeman ignoring any evidence that doesn't prove his/her favoured suspect is guilty - and that would never happen, would it? - Cheerful Dragon

19/04/2013: Look past the stupidity and the idle whimsy and you'll notice that every remark and ripost is loaded with knowledge, imagination, verbal dexterity and intelligence. - benjaminpmoore

18/04/2013: Some of us are so eccentric that the nearest centrifuge is light years away. - paulh

17/04/2013: The sound of somebody blowing a raspberry. Is that not 'ddllddllddllllddddllll' in Welsh? - hygienicdispenser

16/04/2013: I hope the fish's leg gets better soon. - Icy North

15/04/2013: Maybe my quotable and memorable scribblings just arn't edgy enough...yeh... what this post needs is more cowbell... - 2legs

14/04/2013: I thought bishops were more into sci-fi. - Xanatic

13/04/2013: As a member of the h2g2 community, I am taking personal credit for this. Thank me in your own time. - Just Bob

12/04/2013: There's nothing scarier than an enthusiastic scientist. - ~ jwf ~

11/04/2013: I thought Smacking a Goth was a euphemism. - Icy North

10/04/2013: Here's to a good Mini-meet. - MMF

09/04/2013: Mind, if we're quick, they've got a sale on at the Camping shop; yeh, its the discount of their winter-tents... - 2legs

08/04/2013: ...we tall folk are used to the slings and arrows hurled upwards by the Lilliputian masses. - Mr603

07/04/2013: *stands in the doorway, debating with self. Go in, or not? Maybe later* - Milla

06/04/2013: I like knowing this place is here, so that if I ever actually get around to writing anything, I'll have a place to put it. - TRiG

05/04/2013: Isn't it always the case that the key to a relationship is not to look for perfection, but to find someone whose faults you can tolerate? - KimikoMuffin

04/04/2013: I hope you've ordered the violin score for "Vindaloo". - Icy North

03/04/2013: Humans connecting and communicating with each other is a good thing. Luddites trying to chop down the telephone poles (or, in this case, insisting that over one billion Facebook users can't construct a sentence) isn't going to change that. - Mr603

02/04/2013: If the whole movie had just been Obi-Wan's bits, I think a lot of people would have more time for it. - Just Bob

01/04/2013: The Four Horsemen of the disastrous post: Typo, Haste, Myopia, and Culmsy fingers - paulh