Current Quotes and Leaderboard

Leaderboards: AprilMayJune2nd Quarter

30/06/2012: I think it's probable that the safe was a portal to another dimension and the OP has sadly been sucked in. - winnoch2

29/06/2012: I also learned a valuable lesson this morning: if it's windy, don't go out with a loose overshirt on. I'd be looking over my shoulder and all I could see was my shirt billowing behind me. - HonestIago

28/06/2012: Is ale good for what ails ye? - TRiG

27/06/2012: And thank you for not panicking. - h2g2 Communications

26/06/2012: I'm going to say something profound here....one day. - Mistadrong

25/06/2012: I have 14 guitars. That is not an excess. - Pink Paisley

24/06/2012: It's the first year ever that I've seen such .


And I've never before seen such ducks. They're really cool. - Bel

23/06/2012: Space-time is easy to comprehend. Either you spend time exercising or you grow fat. - Icy North

22/06/2012: mmm, taxidermy lessons, bet that would grab some attention


and you get to say 'how's the best way to mount a badger then' with a perfectly straight face - Peanut

21/06/2012: While you're in the BBC Prop Cupboard, could you Pinch the 7th Doctor's Umbrella for me? - kipperonthefloor

20/06/2012: I'm so desperate I'm actually considering reading the manual - Pierce The Pirate

19/06/2012: I would nod to myself and then be on my way. Thirty seconds later, I would think of a funny story I wish I had told myself. I would look back, and my other self would be looking back, too. Then I would continue on, imagining [with justification] that my other self had probably thought of the same story I did.... - paulh

18/06/2012: I put in more spelling mistakes earlier, adding in stuff, when I've added in some more, and its pretty much got everythign in again, I'll ruin it shrew a smell chequer... - 2legs

17/06/2012: No broadcaster in history has ever put more sex on TV than David Attenborough. He's the undisputed King of Porn. - jack white

16/06/2012: Handgliding is when you stick your hand out of the window of a moving car and adjust the angle of attack to make it move up and down. It's a simple and effective lesson in aerodynamics.


HANG gliding (with a G) is the sport of hanging down underneath a semi-rigid wing and gliding about the place. - Hoovooloo

15/06/2012: I was watching Eurovision and was reminded of h2g2 - F F Churchton

14/06/2012: It's a bit like space invaders, expect they're all trying to die, and you're trying to stop them. - Z

13/06/2012: And no standing Monroe-like on one of those air vents... - Icy North

And: Well you've ruined the whole trip now! - Vestboy

12/06/2012: And no standing Monroe-like on one of those air vents... - Icy North

11/06/2012: I remember the first episode of Basil Brush with "Mr Derek", and he made fun of Derek's name. According to his dictionary, a derrick was a type of crane, and a crane was a long-legged bird, so Mr Derek must be a long-legged bird! h-h-h-haaaaaa-haaaaaa! boom boom! - Gnomon

10/06/2012: i've avoided being Quoted... - AlwaysLunchtimeSomewhere

09/06/2012: I guess if something is fabricateded it has been subjected to an extra level of buildingworthyful scrutineeringness. - hygienicdispenser

08/06/2012: According to Pliny the Younger, the very best spaghetti noodles of course are grown on trees that grow in the ashes of Mount Vesuvius, picked by nubile maidens in silk mini-skirts but it's hard to get good labour these days. - ~jwf~

07/06/2012: I believe that the US has trade barriers against importing Greek Priestess labour... - Phoenician Trader

06/06/2012: Both John and Edward are 20. They're identical twits. - Gnomon

05/06/2012: The question comes up at the local frequently, and someone invariably says, "90? Who wants to live to be ninety?"


And Mr. Harvey, from his wheelchair at the end of the bar always says, "Someone who's 89!" - KWDave

04/06/2012: I'm glad to see all the progress being made and I'm sure that once all the real issues are addressed (bugswatting and whatnot) that y'all will find new ways to improve the site and make conversation navigation even better. - Baron Grim

03/06/2012: Help! My DNS is DOA.


I'm not sure if DHCP is flapping, or whether the GPO's disappeared up its own ADFS. I've tried a Fiddler proxy trace, but I've had no joy since my LUNs were RAIDed.


Any ideas? - Icy North

02/06/2012: I'm thinking this is just hors deuvre's to the Anne Summers party that follows meself... - Orcus

01/06/2012: You'd do better if you didn't wipe them on the keys! - Nosebagbadger

31/05/2012: That explains why they thought it was too professional and accessible for me to have written it - HonestIago

30/05/2012: That matter has become conscious of itself. - Effers

29/05/2012: The people who are not susceptible can wear non-iron shirts. Ironing has dangers of its own. Fortunately, by not doing any ironing I am not exposed to those dangers. - paulh

28/05/2012: 'Well if you happen to make a mistake, the Lord is very forgiving you know' - Z

27/05/2012: If you put a little skirt on a Segway, and made people wear safety helmets and carry a plumber's helper, they'd look sort of like Daleks... - Dmitri Gheorgheni

26/05/2012: I'm making a brain cake... - Z

25/05/2012: Good taste can't protect us from Medallian man! Even shrouding ourselves in a protective layer of good taste, its just not enough... Just when you think its safe, you get out of your car, walk across the carpark, wondering why there is no pedestrian paths provided, and then, turning left, onto the street, walking past an intimidating block of offices, he attacks, coming from nowhere, appearing as if through some mystical method of magically suddenly appearing as if from nowhere, and he's there. Just there. so menacing, so there, and no cloak of good taste can prevent the inevitable, the fatal and the fatalistic. You walk. Medallian man walks. - 2legs

24/05/2012: Do we have an ads recycling policy? We could turn some of them into compost. - Vestboy

23/05/2012: We avoided the decision about a second child by having twins. - SiliconDioxide

22/05/2012: Not the worst fate. You could be a vat without a brain in it. - KB

21/05/2012: I think the World Health Organisation has really overstepped its bounds this time... - Mu Beta

20/05/2012: Is there a place where you can nominate Quotes of the Day? - KB

19/05/2012: People only like me being round.... because it makes them feel and seem more normal... - 2legs

18/05/2012: Conflict of interest: I'm a geriatrician by day. - Z

17/05/2012: It then becomes a tedious to and thro circular discussion at which point most sensible folk leave the discussion. - Still Incognitas

16/05/2012: Clearly it's on the same floor as the protagonist, or maybe on one served only by a ladder, lift or ramp. - Icy North

15/05/2012: I only know it from the album cover... - 2legs

14/05/2012: They had all stopped drinking tea by then. Don't make the mistake of thinking that they took it lightly. - Mr. X

13/05/2012: It's obviously a wormhole that was in the process of collapsing. Had the dogs been there a few minutes sooner, the poor dears would have been sucked in and transported to the other side of the galaxy. - Witty Moniker

12/05/2012: Just a footnote. "Wahay Guru" means, apparently, "Blessed be the Gurus". Any resemblance to E. Morecambe is coincidental. - Jabberwock

11/05/2012: We're having so much rain that me sump pump in the cellar is going off several times an hour, it makes a farting noise which is quite funny.


Oh, and we've just had thunder. Excellent. Can we have Spring at some point this year, preferably not when it's supposed to be Summer? - Magwitch

10/05/2012: ... and the drought is pouring down.... - 2legs

09/05/2012: Ah, posts by 2legs. Food porn at it's best - deb

08/05/2012: Easy, 2legs! - Edward the Bonobo

07/05/2012: I'm still in my 40s – haven't finished with my first childhood yet - Whisky

06/05/2012: Mozart obviously just went to Italy and wrote down people's conversations as they were spoken. - Trillian's Child

05/05/2012: I'm very tall. I let people move around me. And if they don't, they'll learn a valuable life lesson. - Mr603

04/05/2012: Nearly all over now, yes - if you poked your eyes out and wore earplugs, you wouldn't even know anything was going on! - KB

03/05/2012: I sometimes have the lyrics to Agadoo leap unbidden into my head. Doesn't mean it's any good. - hygienicdispenser

02/05/2012: Does Orcus count as local knowledge or somewhere to avoid? - swl

And: Almost certainly both. - Mu Beta

01/05/2012: Remember boys, leave no tern un-stoned! - clzoomer

30/04/2012: Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervase with mild green hairy lip squid. - Geggs

28/04/2012: (It's so silly, it really belongs somewhere in Hootoo – so why not here?)

- Jabberwock

27/04/2012: Ironic that the supermarkets run out of bread at this especially holy time, considering five loaves and two fish can feed thousands. - quotes

26/04/2012: ...but I did mean 'haver'. It's an Anglicism...and means something different again in Scots. - Edward the Bonobo

25/04/2012: I see... hey, let's do some shopping while we're here! I need a portable dark matter collider and a freeze ray, with which i plan to stop the world - interspark

24/04/2012: If they've been listening into my phonecalls I'll probably have sent em proper apricot on a phonebox loopy by now... - 2legs

23/04/2012: Last Christmas, I figured that a 17-year-old boy would get all kinds of neat stuff from his parents, but he might want other stuff that they didn't give them. Therefore, cash would come in handy. I think I guessed right - paulh

22/04/2012: Well, you remember how long it took to get US drivers to use seatbelts.


Obviously, the food requirement will continue to lag behind our more enlightened European brethren. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

21/04/2012: Do you think Pink Paisley goes with an orange jump suit? - tucuxii

20/04/2012: Hmm. I doubt it, G. That stuff is pretty close to Diesel, isn't it? It will have a pretty high flash point.


And there's *NO WAY* I am going to google 'make bomb out of kitchen ingredients'. Not after last time. - Edward the Bonobo

19/04/2012: "Aha. Mussels and pickled eggs are zero rated"


I think you'll find that statement doesn't just apply to tax. - Mu Beta

18/04/2012: Light the dripping fuel and follow the flame back to the source to identify the problem - swl

17/04/2012: Don't go down that route Trig. I'm alright with homosexuality, but those weirdos with their anoraks, notebooks and unhealthy interests... There's no place for that sort in civilised society.



Oh. Wait. You didn't say 'trains' people, did you? - Mr603

16/04/2012: Oh jeez! Where's the 'unpost' button! - Pink Paisley

15/04/2012: This might sound very odd (but then again, no odder than some suggestions so far ) but if it *is* corrugated cardboard, put it on the floor, and walk on it in bare feet. It's a strangely pleasurable experience as it crumples under your feet...


Ok, so I'm easily pleased... - Moonhogg

14/04/2012: That's right. We will be very respectful in the Post. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

13/04/2012: Until then - say sod it and keep treating it as a joke, have fun from birth to death - that's the best achievement and legacy to leave each and every following generation - Prof Animal Chaos

12/04/2012: Phone has finished vibrating now. I guess it had its little crisis and is now having a smoke. - Mina

11/04/2012: Is it just me or have i just confessed to general thickness on a forum full of people of above average intellegence...? - winnoch2

10/04/2012: ...a fait accompli is sufficient justification for the past tense... - ITIWBS

09/04/2012: See, when I first read Mu Beta's post, I assumed he was talking about his <ahem> gentleman's equipment. Although the WD40 seemed a bit strange. On the *third* reading I realised he was talking about cleaning a spring - Mol

08/04/2012: If someone says "phenomenon" I will always sing, even if just in my head, doo doo de doo doo - deb

07/04/2012: How about you forget about a computer desk, leave the computer on the carpet, and dig a hole in the floor which you can put your chair into? - KB

06/04/2012: Wasn't Franklin the man who came up with the concept of odour-neutral suppositories? - Mu Beta

05/04/2012: also known as Upper Deckecker Flopper Stoppers. - highamexpat

04/04/2012: O washhed ny handsf rthis mornign adn O can;t doo a thign woth tham. - Gosho

03/04/2012: And, I lost track: the young lady doesn't speak seven languages.



She speaks nine. - anhaga

02/04/2012: Yup, I stood one me own toe and broke it. - Magwitch

01/04/2012: So does it all come down to the size of a blancmange? - el D