Current Quotes and Leaderboard

Leaderboards: JulyAugustSeptember

30/09/2013: I think maybe ITLAPD has drifted into obscurity and just isn't what it once was.... We need to replace it.... maybe with International Talk like Brian Blessard day, or international talk like Brian suel day.. - 2legs

29/09/2013: Most celebrities irritate my eyes, and I'm not allowed to rub them. Anymore. After the last time. - Pastey

28/09/2013: I was wondering whether it wasn't a foolish combination of low mobility and low visibility that had caused this phenomenon? In other words, oldsters wearing Hawai shirts maybe get run over less, and so are less present in your doctor's office? - sprout

27/09/2013: Do you live in Beige-Ing? - TC

26/09/2013: Thinking is over-rated - swl

25/09/2013: Thinking about thinking is a destructive process. - Icy North

24/09/2013: Thinking is all the stuff that runs through your head that you're intelligent enough not to say out loud. - broelan

23/09/2013: How do you survive taking kids to adventure parks?
The Zombies are coming - Bluebottle

22/09/2013: The angels must have been peeved when they had spent an eternity learning all these lyrics of praise, when one day, along comes a whippersnapper who calls himself King David, and makes all these new ones up. I'm sure his name was mud up in the starry firmament when he did that... - KB

21/09/2013: Maybe it's the speed old folk move at. You've heard of Red Shift, OAPs have Beige Shift - swl

20/09/2013: I've been using the toilet on my own for quite a few years but wouldn't say I'm exactly an expert on the microbiol breakdown of fecal matter. - Pastey

19/09/2013: We might have a serum that could make you a vegetarian zombie. You could live on "brains" from a head of cabbage, washed down with the juice from beefsteak tomatoes - paulh

18/09/2013: In space, no one can hear you strum. - quotes

17/09/2013: We can argue from here to next week about whether a god exists, or if he cares that 'his' people lick stamps, but I think those sorts of arguments have been done to death on here. - Vip

16/09/2013: As a responsible parent, it is of course my duty to have a well-thought out plan in place in case of a Zombie or Triffid apocalypse. - Bluebottle

15/09/2013: When I become conscious that I'm doing it, it starts to drive me mad - but no matter how hard I try not to do it, my mouth keeps doing it anyway. - KB

14/09/2013: Freedom is to do what you like. Happiness is to like what you're doing. Or something - Pierce The Pirate

13/09/2013: I know Woody Allen's humour has been decaying for the past 30 years or so, although in contravention of the usual rules it's been leaving behind something denser, heavier, and yet possibly more substantial. - Just Bob

12/09/2013: Paper, Rock, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. - Otto Fisch

11/09/2013: If you ate yourself would you be twice as heavy, or would you weigh nothing? - Beatrice

10/09/2013: I may not get much done these days but the thoroughness of my procrastination is impeccable if I do say so myself. In fact I feel like I'm taking it to a whole new level I never even could imagine the existence of. Yay me. - Pierce The Pirate

09/09/2013: Hey, that's kind of like Netflix for cats - Dewey the Cat

08/09/2013: When I am standing looking at things the world doesn't wobble around! Except at the weekends of course. - Pink Paisley

07/09/2013: You forgot the food! Easiest place in the world to put on weight! Bon Appetit! - Whisky

06/09/2013: I'm blaming the whole thing on 2legs anyway. It's usually his fault after all. - Orcus

05/09/2013: Tonight's moon is red,
Because I'm seeing it through
Rose-colored glasses. - paulh

04/09/2013: I'm glad they never gave me the task of compiling Zappa's best! His greatest hits would be a lot easier to collect. All you have to do is check the charts. - Pierce The Pirate

03/09/2013: I've just re-read my previous post, gods, I missed out so many words. It's all this Skyping, I tells ya. I wouldn't mind, but I even previewed it - Magwitch

02/09/2013: Windows 8 actually is a really good operating system. It's a bit like Windows 7 with all the little niggly bits removed, and I liked Win7 so much I actually went out and bought the cds so I could upgrade at home - Pastey

01/09/2013: Would a acoustic guitar work in space? - Robert04330

31/08/2013: The answer to the question, in respect of the current government, is that if they tried to look stupid they would probably fail. - pebblederook

30/08/2013: *Not* teaching that one to Notepad, as desperately sick as all of us are of the "Boo Hoo who?" knock-knock joke. - Amy Pawloski

29/08/2013: I don't have bakeware in the sense of cake tins - no-one will eat 2 cakes of mine! - Dea..

28/08/2013: … I tend to refer to those things with the pronoun "it". They don't seem to like it, though. - Hoovooloo

27/08/2013: It has been claimed that people are already less intelligent than they were in the Stone Age, because society supports the stupid. - Gnomon

26/08/2013: No. I believe it's San Andreas' fault. And he probably shares the blame with Fibonacci and Mandelbrot. - Pierce The Pirate

25/08/2013: I got the message "Disk is full" - You have the whole of h2g2 on ONE DISK? - TC

24/08/2013: I do remember seeing a headline in the early seventies 'Australia to mount boycott' and thinking that probably that was the only way to stop our Geoffrey. - pebblederook

23/08/2013: Wait a minute... I'm frightening 2legs... what does that say about me? - Yarreau

22/08/2013: No need to alert the media, but I picked my first pole beans today - paulh

21/08/2013: If I rephrased that sentence so it made sense, it could almost be a contender for QoTD - TC

20/08/2013: A million years from now a techno archaelogist is going to dig this stuff up and build a complete social history theory on it. It's a Phd in the waiting. - pebblederook

19/08/2013: I know that the quality of posting on a messageboard has gone down then I find myself missing one of the more unpleasantly provocative posters. - Herenna

18/08/2013: If you can't be honest (and who's to say they wouldn't find your candour refreshingly different?), then the best response is an ambiguous one. Leave them slightly uncomfortable. - Icy North

17/08/2013: Adriana isn't fake. Its just my stage name - 2legs

16/08/2013: That takes me back, 1960s, the 'Son of' movies, 'Son of Dracula', 'Son of Wolfman', 'Son of the Creature of the Black Lagoon'.... I kept waiting for 'Son of the Guns of Navaronne', but some reason, that one was never made. - ITIWBS

15/08/2013: This is why we can't have nice things. I blame 2legs. - Gosho

14/08/2013: Who would have ever thought you might have to worry about bugs in your toilet's embedded OS? - Baron Grim

13/08/2013: I don't like flies. Spiders love them. Other than that me and spiders agree. - pebblederook

11/08/2013: I've been saying 'falafel waffles' for ten minutes now, and I'm still not tired of it. - Mu Beta

10/08/2013: Life is like a sexually transmitted condition with a 100% fatal outcome. Enjoy it while it lasts, I say. - Milla

09/08/2013: Mind. I still want a phone with a built in electric razor... - 2legs

08/08/2013: There were strange voices coming from my fridge, it were quiet like, not full blast. On closer inspection my ear got stuck to the freezer box. - Stone Aart

07/08/2013: The secret to good blowgun operation is NOT to inhale the dart. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

06/08/2013: It's mind boggling that the Romans were so drink-crazed that they ended up digging big tunnels under the ground. And people think the Irish are bad. - KB

05/08/2013: The whole point of London is to have fun going up and down and up and down all the escalators. - Bluebottle

04/08/2013: I'm so facebook-habituated: when I read KB's comment in post 2, I looked for the "Like" to click on... - Asteroid Lil

03/08/2013: You didn't really remember an 11-item shopping list. If the shopping list consisted of: radish, cowbell, armature, ribbon, fork, potassium, coyote, envelope, ganglion, tyke, quasar...then you'd have forgotten most of them by later that day (plus you'd probably want to check on Mum's medication). - Mu Beta

02/08/2013: The hard part was distilling the essence of mouse to coat the rear of the stamp..... - Freewayriding

01/08/2013: I love the detail about Felix doing what cats do and running away. Douglas Adams was right - when Schrödinger opened the box, he wouldn't have found a cat inside, dead or alive. - Gnomon

31/07/2013: I'll see your 3 teenagers and raise you 2 dogs! - Beatrice

30/07/2013: When they went into battle,

They laid 'em, left and right,

The heaviest dude, Scyld Sceafing,

Could take Chuck Norris in a fight. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

29/07/2013: For all I know you may even sing better than Baryshnikov. - Pierce the Pirate

28/07/2013: "Slides", "pull-tabs", "terminals" - I'm learning a whole new vocabulary of zips that I never even knew existed! - KB

27/07/2013: Well, having said that it wasn't what I was expecting, I don't actually know what I was expecting, to be honest. But whatever it was that I wasn't expecting, that wasn't it - Gosho

26/07/2013: That seems very likely. Or perhaps the director has gone for lunch. - TRiG

25/07/2013: You are Hotblack Desiato and I claim my five pounds. - Hoovooloo

24/07/2013: As for gender stereotypes, I once found myself holding a friend's rather glitzy handbag and felt silly because everyone would be staring at me. Then I remembered I was female and they'd just assume that hideous thing belonged to me, which was worse. - Malabarista

23/07/2013: Personally, I think this life IS a dress rehearsal, and everybody has got on the wrong costumes. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

22/07/2013: No, I did not say "Sir, I am going to have to call in to the company and report that you are too stupid to be in possession of a credit card.", though I was sorely tempted..... - Mudhoooks

21/07/2013: When I started reading the sentence, "Modern British TV chefs who can do anything without using the word...", "just" was not the word I was expecting. Call it the Ramsey effect. - Baron Grim

20/07/2013: I got Jedward to sing Happy Birthday to my step-son via a Twitter convo. - Beatrice

19/07/2013: I'm sorry, but could you repeat that using the word 'pumpkin' instead of your expletives? - Danny B

18/07/2013: P. had charge of the radio controls all afternoon, and is displaying a startling tendency to listen to country rock. I'm still shaking. Eventually, my cup ranneth over. I had to get up, flick the thing off, and put BB King and Rory Gallagher on. All is well with the world once again. - KB

17/07/2013: due to climate change, we are growing a wider spectrum of veg etc but still by far the greatest diversity of vegetables are in parliament running the country. - Prof Animal Chaos

16/07/2013:A friend of my mother's, who doesn't drive, always asks "Why do they spend so much money on their cars and not spend that little bit extra to get indicators?" - Ythika the purple giraffe

15/07/2013: In old SciFi movies, the computers never seemed to have problems updating, they were just perfect forever. Sure, sometimes they locked you out in space to let you asphyxiate, but surely that's a small price to pay. - quotes

14/07/2013: I spend a lot of time living in my head, and anything that gets me into my body is probably good for me. - TRiG

13/07/2013: I'd like thank my wife, my manager, my agent, all the wonderful people who voted for me, God, Almighty Bob, my kids, next door's Airedale, Unsworth's Pork Pies, Chadderton's Currant Loaf and the Whole Wide World - Gosho

12/07/2013: The number of times I got the "I doubt you will know this...." and then walked promptly to a shelf and handed the item to them. - Mudhooks

11/07/2013: ere's how sprots aware I am. You say a Scot won Wimbledon and I wonder if he defeated blancmange from outer space? - Baron Grim

10/07/2013: My limited lifespan gives me solace ...this universe exists perfectly happily without me but for a few decades I get to live and gain the tiniest glimpse of the wonders out there. If I lived forever and could see everything, I don't think it'd matter as much to me. - HonestIago

09/07/2013: Free speech is essential but with it comes responsibility not to do harm. - Websailor

08/07/2013: Sorry...I'd love to help, it's just that nasal arithmetic has never been my strong point! - KB

07/07/2013: Old people are a threat, too. Their reflexes are not what they were, however experienced they are or good drivers they were. And their eyesight and hearing deteriorates before they notice it, too. Please remind me of this in 10 years time. - TC

06/07/2013: The problem with re-incarnation is that you would probably spend much of your time being eaten up before you get the opportunity to be one of those that does the eating. - Stone Aart

05/07/2013: Step away from the internet. Go to a door opening onto the "outside". Walk through it and start searching for a "life". - swl

04/07/2013: Not that the Stones are my cuppa tea, but it is sort of like visiting dinosaurs without the danger of Jurassic Park. - Elektragheorgheni

03/07/2013: And once or twice I've told an American telemarketer that they've somehow got through to a telephone in London and I don't appreciate being woken up at 2am - Gosho

02/07/2013: This memorable quote I overheard whilst on a bus journey taking me to a Sonic Hedgehog convention. - Stone Aart

01/07/2013: True immortality, in my humble opinion , would be just too monotonous, been there , done that, got the holographic implant... - Freewayriding