Current Quotes and Leaderboard

Leaderboards: JanuaryFebruaryMarch

31/03/2013: Sometimes you have to crack a few eggs to ensure no harm is done ... to the omelette ... assuming you wanted an omelette rather than say a chicken or something ... - Stone Aart

30/03/2013: I mean, have you ever eaten a Cliff Richard record? - Mr603

29/03/2013: As soon as the buns come out of the oven, brush this sugar mixture over the top of them. When cool, use a yellow highlighter pen to draw on crosses. - hygienicdispenser

28/03/2013: insufficient coffee consumed for thinking at this point error code 3. - 2legs

27/03/2013: I ain't a european (never will be) and I ain't english I'm a Yorkshire man (all that's needed) - Prof Animal Chaos

26/03/2013: Aha! A metric conspiracy! Those bottled water people are in league with the Bavarian Illuminati. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

25/03/2013: Only fair to warn you.. I have several loves of stale Cuban bread at hand, should this come to blows. - Florida Sailor

24/03/2013: When an ancestor of one religion fell in love with an ancestor of another religion, the usual course of action was to flee to the U.S., which they did. - paulh

23/03/2013: ...punk tennis... is like ordinary tennis, only played with a hand grenade without safety catch. Winner takes it all - unless the grenade goes off halfway, in which case it's a draw. - Pierce The Pirate

22/03/2013: As a responsible adult I have a duty to ensure that the soft play centres are safe for my children by going down the slides and playing with the toys... - Bluebottle

21/03/2013: One really cool addition to St Patrick's Day parades in Ireland is the Chinese dragons dancing. I love that. - KB

20/03/2013: People bitten by one of these sheep turned into a half sheep - half human monster. But it is not as good as it sounds. - Pink Paisley

19/03/2013: There's such a fine line though, between "so bad it's good" and just "so bad". - Just Bob

18/03/2013: I had nothing to do with the St Patrick's Day Google Doodle, but I would like to honestly apologise to Ireland, on behalf of the rest of the world. - hygienicdispenser

17/03/2013: The Edited Guide is like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates. - Dmitri Ghergoheni

16/03/2013: I once pulled my finger out, but never again, as it was a most painful experience. Nowadays I try to remain abreast of the situation. - Stone Aart

15/03/2013: Magic World of Geek Land? Sounds like Manchester to me. - Icy North

14/03/2013: "There is one runway, and it's made of glass," she continued. Several sets of eyebrows went up. "Don't worry," she added, "it's just been replaced." - paulh

13/03/2013: Most of the £5 notes I saw at the bank were held together with sellotape, leading me to wonder whether you could just hand over a piece of sellotape to a bank and claim it was worth £5. - Bluebottle

12/03/2013: Confession time - I have no 'Friends' - SashaQ

10/03/2013: Alternative title: Urban Fantasy iz in ur world, stealin' all ur wimin. Or something else. I am open to suggestions. - Solnushka

09/03/2013: Unfortunately people kept returning him to power in free elections. Democracy can be inconvenient like that. - KB

08/03/2013: When 2legs backs away, you may have stepped over a line that was previously thought not to have existed - Pastey

07/03/2013: I've included the phrase 'disturbingly tight trousers' as per your requests - I know where you've been looking. - Bluebottle

06/03/2013: Just did a search for "disturbingly tight trousers" - phrase not found. Surely an oversight? - Mr603

05/03/2013: These days it's not enough simply to clear the cache. You need to contact Google's server farm in California and ask them to power the entire site off at the wall. - Icy North

04/03/2013: "No Pontification without Representation!" - Otto Fisch

03/03/2013: Bigots are like moles. If you let them go underground, they'll keep popping up and ruining your lawn. But if you lure them out into the open, you can brain them with a spade. For this metaphor, the spade is "reason" or something. - Mr603

02/03/2013: Wisdom spawns enlightenment. Knowledge spawns education. Information spawns a word meaning 'the state of being informed'. Data spawns a hell of a lot of meaningless numbers. - Icy North

01/03/2013: You can check wikipedia for a more complicated description. - Baron Grim

28/02/2013: How are you going to put aluminium siding on that?! - Florida Sailor

27/02/2013: Shouldn't laugh, but am laughing a lot. - Pastey

26/02/2013: I rarely get such calls on the house phone now (yes I still have one of those), and on the mobile it tends to be silent calls, only without any heavy breathing (though I have been known to heavy breathe back to them if I'm boared and want to annoy them) - 2legs

25/02/2013: Life needs to cut everyone a break at the minute. - Anna Siren

24/02/2013: I'm stnoe clod seobr and wehn I frist raed teh abvoe setnecne I braely ntocied teh retaepnig wodrs. - Baron Grim

23/02/2013: I've been rather selflessly been doing doing research into Martinis and have discovered that they don't get me drunk. - Pastey

22/02/2013: The butcher didn't like my joke much... So I had to remind him, before I left, that 'he shouldn't get on his high-horse'... - 2legs

21/02/2013: We'll see if this early positivity can withstand exposure to Zaphod's plastic head. - Mr603

20/02/2013: Look, I know meat is meant to be a good source of iron, but surely putting staples in the thing is a step too far. - Geggs

19/02/2013: Do I win a prize for the most ungrammatical post? - Is mise Duncan

18/02/2013: I'm as careful as anyone sitting in front of a computer could be. - paulh

17/02/2013: Such profoundness is not unusual for me. It's my Normal Wisdom. - Hoovooloo

16/02/2013: If the statue is baroque why don't they fafix it? - Florida Sailor

15/02/2013: The bluebonnets are going to be so confused. If we get a cold snap and then another warm-up they're going to be going up and down like a bride's nightie - Gosho

14/02/2013: I doubt the autocorrect could survive us - Nosebagbadger

13/02/2013: My inability to grow an Epic Beard is a source of some vexation. I compensate by having Epic Sideburns. - Mr. Dreadful

12/02/2013: My face is not bald (chiefly because I can't be bothered to make the effort every day) but my head is working up to it. Eventually, it will look as though my head is on upside down.

Except that of course, my nose would fill up with rain and I'd drown and I would keep poking myself in the eye with a fork when eating chips.

Shaving is over-rated. - Pink Paisley

11/02/2013: Please remember at all times that we are all the product of ancesters that successfully reproduced and that most of our ancesters did it without the Internet, or even a book. - SiliconDioxide

10/02/2013: Oh, the Joan of Arc organisers weren't too hard to question, once I'd found them. All I had to do was produce a box of matches, and they answered straight away! - Superfrenchie

09/02/2013: ...but this is a bit like the din of a baby crying in a shopping mall. The baby's cry can be heard throughout the mall, but this doesn't mean the baby wields definitive power. - paulh

08/02/2013: I shudder to think what 2legs would do with a hamster. - swl

07/02/2013: Is there a place on h2g2 to compliment the Italicized Rulers of the Universe? For something specific, I mean. I just ran across a great idea that someone, somewhere implemented on this website, and they deserve to get kudos for it. It's important that people know what they're doing right, after all. - Mr. X

06/02/2013: A hearse! A hearse! My kingdom for a hearse! - Mr. Dreadful

05/02/2013: I agree with Hoo. (I *knew* I'd have the chance to say that if I stuck around long enough). - hygienicdispenser

04/02/2013: If you say if fast enough, the price of the new kitchen sounds quite reasonable. - lil

03/02/2013: I think our dog brought up A Flock Of Seagulls once. Certainly smelled like it. - Mu Beta

02/02/2013: They must have had some doggone high class cystal balls to come with the later bits! I meant crystal balls, so much for my resolution to ALWAYS use preview. I need more practice obviously. - Elektragheorgheni

01/02/2013: "Toxic fumes emanating from the smoldering brown cheese kept firefighters at bay for several days..." - Dmitri Gheorgheni

31/01/2013: One less thread in the hootoo tapestry - swl

30/01/2013: I'm honestly hoping Dmitri does NOT, EVER stand on any frogs. - Willem

29/01/2013: I saw a documentary about Scotland and England with Mel Gibson. It didn't look like they wanted a united Britain to me. - Two Bit Trigger Pumping Moron

28/01/2013: They are remarkably tame and therefore surrounded at all times by people with serious looking cameras or, in the case of my Fantastic Big Brother, a large stick he is holding to his forehead in an attempt to simulate antlers. - Solnushka

27/01/2013: Male gerbils have "very" large s. - Magwitch

26/01/2013: I'd quite like to see Rufus Sewell in a dress again. - Sho

25/01/2013: Wonderful entry, vile product. Vegemite is the food of the gods. - Z

24/01/2013: Now, some bright maths genius figure out how that charity registration number comes out to 42. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

23/01/2013: I often see myself as a photographer, but then I'm always holding the camera the wrong way round. - Icy North

22/01/2013: I don't want to watch any of the them, so making me select an ad is akin to making me choose which pin to stick in my eye. - Lusus

21/01/2013: Yellow snow is sometimes due to blooms of photosynthetic bacteria (which also come in red and green) all three taken together providing a basis of sustenance for ice worms. The yellow blooms are reputed to be toxic. - ITIWBS

20/01/2013: Every January 20, penguins everywhere, suddenly find themselves becoming conscious of themselves and of their surroundings and circumstances. They begin asking each other deep existential questions like where am I and how'd I get here and why is it so damn cold. - ~ jwf ~

19/01/2013: My French is so good I translate Pic du Midi as being colloquially 'at my best at lunchtime'. - pebblederook

18/01/2013: Either that, or I got issued the wrong life when I was born.What a time to wish I had saved the receipt! - paulh

17/01/2013: Will people stop answering points before I get round to showing how intelligent I am? - Nosebagbadger

16/01/2013: "My ant's got no antennae" ... - Icy North

15/01/2013: I would buy an electric car if instead of little stations along the road, you would charge them in the attic of gothic castles using lightning storms. - Xanatic

14/01/2013: Shaving is like telling the baby Jesus that Darwin is bigger than his Dad and that makes Him cry. - tucuxii

13/01/2013: if there is mud, and blocked loos in cellars with a zebra trying to negotiate a spiral staircase in my dreams tonight, this thread will have a lot to answer for, I tell you... - Peanut

12/01/2013: A quantum singularity! I've always wante- um... Can we get some containment over here? It's going to suck up the whole site if we're not careful. - Mr. Dreadful

11/01/2013: When you buy the bags of chocolate misshapes, you *really* never know what you're going to get. - TriG

10/01/2013: Not long after that I knocked myself out putting up a new shower curtain. - HonestIago

09/01/2013: ...the thing is an unwanted eyesore that some rich person ninja-gifted to the town. - Dmitri Gheorgheni

08/01/2013: Time stops for neither man nor train. Floods don't destroy the world, they just make arks look more desirable. - paulh

07/01/2013: Eventually it will all be over, and I will return to my cold, empty flat – bliss – and ponder why it is that when my sister and brother-in-law both regularly attend (different) churches and my niece and nephew are nominally Christian that the only person to have thought about the poor or peace over the whole period was the wicked atheist. - tucuxii

06/01/2013: Could we be trusted? I've read your Edited Guide Entries - if you had a history channel it would be all about Jesus' underpants and centuries that never really happened! - KB

05/01/2013: I dread typing or spelling "Nietzsche." The first three letters are pronounced, as are the last three. The middle three are silent, all consonants. Why didn't the guy simplify his name? - paulh

04/01/2013: ...we have a special lettings agent who haven't read the book, only the bill. - benjaminpmoore

03/01/2013: Ridiculed, we were, hmmm. - Hoovooloo

02/01/2013: The hand dryers terrify my four year old son. He won't take his hands off his ears if he's in a room with one on (which of course makes it difficult to dry his hands...) - sprout

01/01/2013: We get this situation all the time on IT support desks. Can you ask the user if they'd be happy for you to take remote control of the balloon, so they can repeat the operation while you monitor it? Failing that, I'd raise a case with the red balloon vendor, assuming you've got premium support. - Icy North