This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf.The crew are dead, and the ship destroyed by reasons explained in the attach below1. The only survivors were Lou, Existential elevator, Arnold J Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew, The HPB unit and Sir Mort, due to a really confusing timeparadox.
These survivors amazingly discovered a completely new, improved Red dwarf, and this is were they hang around now.
The Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf, is a five mile long, red mining ship, with two small moons buried in the belly of the ship.
In the front is six half-mile steel poles, forming an invert nose-cone, bound together by magnetic cable. This scoop gathers fuel for the engines from space, making the ship able to travel forever. The main bridge is on starboard side of the long-running trench on top of the ship.
The engines occupy about one third of the rear of the ship, eight cubic miles of steel and grease, they run on approx. 1 million gallons of hydrogen-based fuel. Without computer control, they take about 3 weeks to start up manually since 680 spark chambers must be primed an fired to initate the engines, because of this fact, Red Dwarf rarely stops.
This is the JMC Mining Vessel Red Dwarf ship log by Space Corps hard-light hologram Arnold J. Rimmer.
For quite a few months now, nothing particular has happened. The crew are getting a bit restless but are enjyoing the peace and quiet none the less.
In short, everything is just fine as it is, and there is no reason for this to change, except for the irony of fate and of course the physical laws of everythings' smegness.
In short, there is a 0.001% chance of this calm to last. Fingers crossed!
These are the deck plans for Red Dwarf
The main hangar
The Captains office-sign up here
The Red Dwarf disco
The Exam room
The parrots bar
The HPB Suite
Morts dark corner
Join the space corps, report to the captains office and fill in all forms, then report to the "cabins pick" and pick a cabin on A-deck.
The crewArnold Judas Rimmer, technician 2nd class.
Vercingetorix Not an officer onboard 'this ship', I'm still in command
The Holographic Projection Backup Unit Currently the Cat
Lou AKA Listrette
Professor Sarah Bellum
Captain Jedi girl Not an officer on this hip!
Skutter 1 (mod) Possibly a member of the John Wayne fan club
Oberon 2001Ship's chef- cannot be my superior because he hasn't taken the space corps chef education
Fill in form 18-28/A-X*23-1B just fill in your name, birthdate, id-papers, shoe sizes over the years, your hair colour, you haircut, you hair designer, spell you name in 5 different ways, sneeze on the paper were it says: "please leave a DNA sample here", copy all of your answers in two different lanuages that you cant speak then in 3 languages you can speak, put in what your goals in life are then fill in all your past boyfriends/girlfriends, write you education and your capabilities, check the box wether you want to be resurrected as a hologram when/if you die and finally, sign it with your signature and hand the papers to me.