h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Master B, the never-sleeping bartender, stands idly behind the bar, polishing glasses. Cheap, inflatable macaws adorn the wall, and a substantial cocktail list is chalked on an eight-foot blackboard.

The range of drinks contains all the usuals, plus a few specially made backstreet liqueurs from the Saturnian and Jovian moons (Titanian Ouzo available for the strong of stomach).

The bar is big enough to seat 1200 people, yet small enough to be an intimate, cosy place to drink. Food served between 12 noon and 10pm.

B

*begins polishing the bar before anybody else 'wants' to*

Evenin' Kryts...a glass of what does you good, perhaps?

WD40 is on offer this evening.

B

*sits* thank you sir!

Better make mine

to h*ll with it, just line up please bartender

not any more it isnt

*she jumps over the bar and lines them up for herself*



At least in the officers club Bob could be relied on to give you a drink whatever the time of day, i mean it may not always have been what you asked for but it was usually alcoholic.

You never saw me

*comes out the cellar brandishing large spanner*

Ahem! _Food_ between 12 and 10. The bar is of course open all day.

Are you paying for those, then? Only I'll force you to do karaoke if not.

*indicates spanking-new untouched karaoke machine in far corner*

B

I got caught! of course i will pay you for them just as soon as err ... err... Karaoke - FANTASTIC!

I do a fantastic Melanie C

Please - help yourself. With a ship a mile-and-a-half long, I doubt you'll disturb anyone.

*puts on pair of pink fluffy ear-protectors*

B

*coughs several times and tests voice with a few s and bursts into song*


They tried to catch a falling star,
Thinking that she had gone too far,
She did but kept it hidden well,
Until she cracked and then she fell....

*Scutter 1 (mod) enters*

*No-one notices*

*Orders a double gear-oil with a dash of WD40*

*Waits*

There you go, little 'bot.

B

*Takes drink and decides to chance his flexible extending metal arm*

*Flashes question by harmless light beam directly on to barman's retina*

"Do I have to pay now or can I start a tab?"

*Adopts honest and trustworthy pose*

*like all good barmen, is taken in fully by flashing customers*

Have this one on the house.

B

What a great place

so did you like my song? I really enjoyed that, its good to have a sing song now and again!!

Bit on the tired side now though so gonna have a nap.

*wanders off to dream of fame, the applause and stardom*

*Scutter 1 (mod) finishes drink and, with a friendly wave to Master B, leaves the bar*

-Kryten's Midway Adventure (or Between the Floors: A Stop For A Small Drink After Returning From M-Bay-


*sits*

Drink please!

*sits waiting... looks to trap door for cellar.. Thinks.. [I hope we're not on the ground level...!]