h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi

Scutter 1 (mod) has moved in to Cabin No 42. It's the last cabin on the right.

All of the furniture in the cabin has been dismantled and neatly stacked in the corner. A scutter doesn't need any of the "soft human" fitments.

A small but functional garage has been built from bits of the discarded furniture between a power point and 's data link port.

The only adornment on the wall is a notice which says:-

IF I'M NOT HERE,
I'M PROBABLY
SOMEWHERE ELSE

A nameplate has been added laser welded to the outside of the door, just underneath the cabin number. On it is engraved, in font ARIAL size 24, "Scutter 1 (mod)"

Unfortunately it has been welded on with the engraved side to the door, so the same legend has been added in blue crayon in a freehand font of varying size.

If anyone could use any of the dismantled furniture please feel free to call in and help yourself. Cans of WD40 and/or any small bits of electronic equipment would be gratefully accepted as swaps.

You may see Scutter 1 (mod) at various locations throughout the ship, from time to time. He can communicate with humans but probably won't say much. However you may find out what he is thinking.

Generally he will be going about normal scutter business, perfoming care and maintenance of the ships equipment. Sometimes, however, he may have quite a different agenda.

Now fully recharged and updated, Scutter 1 (mod) unplugs and heads off to see what's happening.

Scutter 1 (mod) returns to his cabin.

Decides that it is probably a good idea to have some form of defence in case the crew find out his true purpose on the ship and try to reprogram him.

Writes a block of code which will reinstate Dave Lister's program every time a particular stimulus is received. Uploads code and hides it in such a way that no known snooper program will find it. Settles on playing ship's song as the stimulus to activate hidden code.

Leaves cabin and goes to ship's stores and signs out mini-hifi system. Makes loop tape of ship's song and programs hifi to play every time he returns to cabin.

Test runs tape:-

It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere,
I'm all alone, more or less,
Let me fly, far away from here,
Fun fun fun, in the sun, sun, sun!!

I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose,
Sipping fresh mango juice,
Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes!
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun!!
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun!!

Leaves cabin to go exploring.

*walks in and rests against wall... switches off music and waits for the return of a very, very suspicious skutter...*

*colonel slips in quietly dressed in black. Hides in a shadowy corner, nods to Kryten, and nods off to sleep. (standing up of course)*

Wait, Colonel *walks over to a computer console*

Holly, show Colonel secret file U224669

Suggest we wait for Mr. Rimmer and Miss Listerette...

*jabs Colonel* Look at it! Namely the last bit!

Seen it, done it, got the T-shirt, eaten the cap. You know Krytie....

And you didn't try to warn us... interesting...

I clicked the link. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

OK..

*walks out of room.... returns 2 minutes later with a couple of chairs*

*sits down*

What does he mean, how did he get you?

Think about it sir... on the bridge after Continuity Breaker smashed me...
Skutter 'fixed' me...
As for the Colonel... his ship was brought back to Red Dwarf... Where he was sliced...

But he hasn't attacked me yet...

Yeah 'cause he just finished with Colonel..!

You're on the list! He's going by rank!
It's Miss listerette who's next!

*stomps in*

well quite frankly i should be pleased that i am not on *his* list ...and you seem to rank me lower than the latest recruits Krytie

(no offence Lou </ooc&gt

Did you look at the top secret emegency coded warning i left for you?

*stomps off*

*pops head around door*

anyone fancy a or while you wait for him?

Warning ma'am? And I meant rank as in the list ma'am.

oh the list i am not on!!

*offers a selection of beveradges to everyone and has a herself*

you know the *top secret thread* ???