h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... Yeah, as I said somewhere above: The reason a woman won't sleep with her man is possibly because of something he said the Wednesday before last. (At least, it can last that long with me - depends on the magnitude of the insult. Which he will have long forgotten and didn't mean it that way anyway)

yes... but women (probably wrongly) think very deeply into things....

example:....'does my ass look big in this?'

(cue terrified willy owner,thinking.. 'sh1t sh1t.. what do i say.. do i say 'no of course not darling, you always look sexy as hell, tiny ass', which she wont believe (cos in reality if you think your ass looks big, it is big, lets be honest here) or do i say.. 'oh.. just a wee bit, but i like it big' or do i start a coughing fit and hope she'll forget she asked.. ) Poor bloke cant win..

so you sulk for a week cos you got a big ass, none of your clothes fit you any more, and somehow it becomes his fault and there's no sex for a week, and the poor sod has no clue what he's done wrong...

on the other hand.... the minute you get frisky and smile at him a certain way, or grab him in a way that has been discussed about 100 posts back as he walks by, he perks up like a puppy and you race eachother up the stairs...

wierd, the way we tick

this is a bit long but thought you might be amused by it....

absolutely no connection to penisis directly... but what the heck, it's thursday.... any offence caused to anyone is totally unintended by the way..

OLD TESTAMENT

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, she holds that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.


Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. >1:9). The problem is my neighbours.
They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I do look forward to your enlightenment regarding the questions that puzzle me. Then I shall pass them along to others who may appreciate your moral leadership.

Sincerely. (Name withheld by request)

B****y women.... alway reading far far too much into everything you say.... yet another reason for just being with other men to the male ejaculate-organism question; I'd go with the 90% of time the orgasm does equate simply to ejaculation, but yeh, it is possible to ejaculate with out experiancing orgasm personally.... and I'm probably going to regret saying this but what the hamster, I'll say it anyhow as I have lost any sembelence of dignity I might once have had yeh... personally I'd say that ejaculating without orgasm is very differnet from... oh heck, now I've completely lost the plot about what I was going to say it involved a certain muscle no not* that one! naa can't think what I was going to say now, I just got a distrating thought so what were we on now? topic that is?

I'm laughing at the thought that 2legs reckoned he ever HAD any semblance of dignity

so you recon I never really had any? I think* I used too.... but it was a long long time ago

Sorry babe , you are exTREMEly dignified with your hat on.

You can leave your hat on.....



Ooooh, today's topic! Doing it with clothes on

I'll volunteer that I feel really good in the corset that was hand-made for me

Probably that last weird orgasm you didn't really have, yer dignity squirted out through yer willy & you never noticed......

Loved the Leviticus thing!

As to the female wet dream thing; i assumed "every" woman had these when she hasn't *ahem* been getting her fair quota of naughties; mentioned it casually to a female friend & she was horrified "You are not normal!!! This only happens to men!!!"

I quite often wake up to find the reason i woke up is rather pleasant...good to hear someone has this too! I can usually remember the dream, but i tend to remember most dreams anyway.

zdt

ooo a corset.... do you think I'd be suited to wearing a corset?

Probably that last weird orgasm you didn't really have, yer dignity squirted out through yer willy & you never noticed......

Loved the Leviticus thing!

As to the female wet dream thing; i assumed "every" woman had these when she hasn't *ahem* been getting her fair quota of naughties; mentioned it casually to a female friend & she was horrified "You are not normal!!! This only happens to men!!!"

I quite often wake up to find the reason i woke up is rather pleasant...good to hear someone has this too! I can usually remember the dream, but i tend to remember most dreams anyway.

*this may post twice; bloody errror messages all of today on hootoo

zdt

Nah, 2 legs, not a corset, images of plump matronly ladies. A nice black basque is what you need; Basque Separitist Movement & all that...

"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"

zdt

lucid dreaming is great

"Lucid in the sky with Di's mons"?



zdt

i allways keep my socks on

I've had sex before fully lothed but that was a kinda spur of the moment thing generally theres nothign being worn at all well cept my hair band hmmm..... wearing my hat... might be diferent

T&Y, I have those sorts of dreams too! I thought I was weird (well, I probably am, actually ). I don't get them all that often, and I can never remember the dream itself, but they do wake me up with their intensity.

Never had it fully clothed - have done partially clothed a few times, when we were just so desperate that once we'd got adequate access, the rest of our clothes didn't matter .

Ooh, I've bought my first basque this week - nothing too risque, but very sexy. I'm just waiting for an excuse to wear it now .

maybe I should get a basque...

I think what 2legs was referring to was if you stimulate somebody's prostrate gland you can get it to squirt semen but without an orgasm and sperm. Have a look at A4113811

yeh, I think that was what I was kinda getting at