h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have no complaints about Royal Mail. My aunt was 100 last month. I ordered some flowers to be sent 2 weeks later as I reckoned she would be getting loads on the day itself. She received them and wrote me a letter thanking me. Postmarked 1 Feb in Tunbridge Wells. Arrived on 3 Feb.

I live in Germany.

So, why am I here? I should be blaming 2legs. For the fact that I have run out of grapefruit. I'm not going shopping again. Once a week is enough. Will have to eat chocolate instead.

I ran out of grapefruit juice, a few days back... for which I blame 2legs; he drank it

I blame 2legs for shingles and lingering pain and discomfort and for gym still not being open

I blame 2legs for my phantom rhino-sinusitis and my phantom nasal congestion.

I blame 2legs for the drive-by attack on the site.

I blame 2legs when I am forever losing things such as my spectacles.

I blame 2legs for sending more rain than needed to replenish the groundwater deficit.

Oh yes, me too! Although, the ground water lakes don't seem to have risen at all.

Hey 2legs! be careful with grapefruit juice! for some reason it interferes with a lot of medications, and sometimes stops them working altogether!

I blame 2legs for skype refusing split windows - I used to be able to pop out each conversation, but now I have to keep looking at the whole conversation list too. Bah.