h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

nothing gets past you, does it Johnny K?

The one hour date that went on a little longer...


Her starter for 10: "Men have sex like they have donuts."



Do we? Do we really?

Sticky, with coffee and dribbling bits on our trousers?

You just watch where you point your dribbling bits!

When she said it, all I could think of is the 'bagel boys' in this thread and to go: "Hmm, dounuts. "

'The Bagel Boys'? Didn't they record the highly influential, and rather superb, hip-hop/rock/funk albums 'Check Your Bread', 'Paul's Bakery' and 'Hello Pastry'?

and the imagintive number, "finger my bagle"

Wasn't there big selling single 'bagel it big'? or was that the one that didn't do so well... maybe it was 'lick my bagel babe', the really cheesy one that did better in the charts

I've got a lovely bunch of dounuts.

I sometimes wonder if people think I have crystal balls. That's my customary response when asked too many questions.

Somehow I just don't see how bagels inspire eroticism. Donuts are perfect for dunking but is so more the sensual icon, or at least the frosting and melt in your mouth part.

Tis the rough shape, apparently, of a certain gland I believe...

So it's been a week...

The last woman met, after the donut remark said "I'm not looking for casual sex." *pause* "If I were I'd go to or up to where nobody knows me."

This to me means she has it in mind. The "I'm looking for a boyfriend." was null and void.

Not sure if it was just that, or the chewing gum bouncing around her mouth for all the time we were in the pub. I'm not a fan of chewing gum, not to use, and really not to watch somebody else use.

Physically apart from that attractive.



Before I was due to meet her, I was in contact with somebody I'd met from that site.

Trust issue. When I met her for "a coffee" the subject of the conversation was much to do with he 'not getting any'. Add-in a few pervert things too. Follow on with on-line IM, it getting far too 'cyber' for my taste.

She was interested in meeting again when she heard I was to meet-up with others. It never happened, I never set a date.

But before the 'nurse' I'd asked to have a chat. Simply I wanted to ask her directly what she was all about, as to me it looked like she was yet another married woman after sex. Apparently her husband calls her "a fat slapper." I wonder why he would form that opinion?



The one form a couple of weeks back, "blonde" what she did...

After we met, a few messages back and forward. But by chance I needed an e-mail address for another site. I had 'closed' a Hotmail account, but thought to re-use it.

There I found a message from 'blonde' that arrived at the very same time I was meeting 'nurse'.

An invite to her 'Facebook' page. Yes I did join for a look at this site. A second look. The first was a few weeks back, I did not think it was for me, I knew nobody!

What I have found is Facebook is a bloody danger! 'Blonde' I now know her full name, her D.O.B. and post code.

I'd told her before we met I don't want to know where she lives. Stick a post code into Google Earth, you can find a street name.

Are people mad?



About a week ago I deleted as many sing-ups to 'adult date' sites as I could, then the linked e-mail address.

So many on 'the site' that claim to be nice, not looking for sex turn out to have profiles on these adult sites, looking for sex.

I find that strange, I really do, more so when they use the very same photo of themself on the different sites.



Just for the hell of it, this week I signed-up to a site 'selling myself'. I did alter what I was willing to do, from a little to being a right 2legs

The price, from free, to what others had set, to silly numbers. The page got 70 hits in a week. Zero takers though.

I found the 'dating site' is a better place to offer ones penis. Even if it had 'sex sites' adverts on, and puts itself as for dating, and relationships, I've seen nothing since January to support this, just the opposite.



Tonight I've tried three times to create a profile, keep getting deleted. Maybe I've upset the owner.

I do know If I put anything on the site that reflected the truth, I'd get about 10 people to contact me to say the same. Many asking to meet.

If you like your women married, size 20 or above, into unsafe (or safer to be more accurate) or just your bog basic slut that will tell you for a couple of weeks how much of a 'good girl' they are, yet when you meet them they have their tongue in you mouth before she's got out her car, I know just the place.



The other day I joined a dating site, it looked better designed for one. The things people said about themself more realistic. Non on the "LOL LOL LOL I don't know what to say LOL" people.

Or so I thought. Two days there and I've been approached by a woman and so I read her profile. I mentioned what's been going on, and that I don't care any more... Part of a message I sent was:


"So if you want to strip me naked and use me as your squeaky toy, feel free. Failing that, meet up for a chat."




Does she go away in horror, no, apparently it's something to smile about.



Maybe I should not tease. But even with a simple one liner I attract the wrong sort.

Am I so old fashioned? I think 'nurse' may have thought so. When I said I'd like to get to know a person, and when both are ready then go off for a weekend. Her answer was "but nobody does that theses days."

Is this true? Is it the norm to act like dogs in a park, see, sniff, s?

If I wanted to be with a married woman, there are sites just for that. But I don't. Is it something about women, they need to play a game, go for the opposite of what a man said.

If I ask for just friends, I get asked if I'd like sex. Put up a profile offering sex, and it's can we go out for a drink.

Maybe when we all get out ID badges, they could include a personality set of data, and we can 'scan' on another to see what out availability is, save the bother of having to interact as humans. Until then it's the T-shirt: “Yes, single, straight, fs on the first date!”

Me starting to think that perhaps dating sites arent the place for you to be looking.

... Do you go to any hobby classes or anything like that regularly? Pottery, dancing, drama, french, book club... I would have thought that spending time with like-minded people will fill your time in a pleasant way, and you are raising your chances of meeting someone slowly and naturally, the way I prefer to meet people, anyway.

I wouldnt try a dating site for anything serious, I'd assume that 90% of people are after something easy and stressless. I.e. nothing long term or complicated (involving emotions)

Starting to think... Y'know you could be right.

Yes all the things you list about hobbies, and meeting people in a natural way, I covered this with 'nurse'. Same thinking as you.

Then went on to include; join a social club, go walking, stuff like that. But she was more happy with the idea of being on-line.



>>> "I wouldn't try a dating site for anything serious, I'd assume that 90% of people are after something easy and stress less. I.e. nothing long term or complicated (involving emotions)" <<<

I'd met a couple of people from on-line. What they said and what they were in life, very different. So the internet is about "nothing long term or complicated." - Yes.

90% after something easy. I'd say of the other 10%, 99.9% are just very good at not telling what
they are really about.

'Blonde' was set to "Long term" and in her initial message told me not to worry about that, as she is not sure what she wants. Her profile was all about looking for a long term relationship, what she said was she's not after a quick .

Yet in person, could it be she was exited at the prospect of somebody not being just after a quick , that promoted her to go for it? I don't know. I do know she is my worse nightmare, and yet at the same time she was very much a tonic and I'd want more, much more.



As for meeting people slowly, and in a natural way. That's the theory. That's what I was trying to get across to 'blonde' with the going out, doing stuff, going places. Though in her case, I've made that many exceptions to the 'wish list' one more would not matter.




>>> "someone slowly and naturally, the way I prefer to meet people, anyway." <<<

After your "a girl doesn't like to waste a date" comment, I've had it in mind that you were the sort for leaping into bed on a first date.

Could it be you try to be adaptable, and dynamic? If it's a quicky that's all it is, possibly all it ever would be. Or are you holing out for somebody to grow with? What I'm asking is what's in for you, meeting a penis?

Ooh, so many questions...

Firstly, when I said meeting people naturally, I meant just that, the MEETING people bit. Not find them online THEN try to get to know them. You're already missing out the natural bit.

I agree, I have lots of friends that I've met online (from quick irregular meetings to longer term friendships. As friends and nothing more) and most of them dont sum themselves up very well, and even those who are fairly self-aware will tell you they are one thing when in actuality they ehave in a very different manner.

I never agree to anything concrete until I've met someone. Doesn't matter how much you think you like someone, their body language or scent can put you off in moments. I very quickly discovered that trying to meet anyone you might want a relationship with online is a black art at best and pretty impossible in reality... You simply cannot honestly be completely attracted to someone until you've met them, felt them, smelt them. That human interaction, micro expressions (not just in the face) and their general demeanour can and will be very different from that which you can read over the net, even with webcams and phone calls.

Me? I have met people with a view to potential sexual relations. But it's always a (excuse the pun) suck and see situation. Meet in a public place, make arrangements to have someone call me at a certain time to check I'm ok and also so if I need it, I can call out with an excuse... And the person i'm meeting will have had plenty of input into what the expectations and potential degrees of contact will be.

Like I've said before, I wont spend a 'night' with anyone I wouldn't spend a good weekend with and potentially want to see more... Essentially it has to be someone I like, get on with, who's company I enjoy and who I feel could share my time and my space with me for a reasonable amount of time (maybe go out and do something together during the day, spend time watching TV, hanging out etc...) And that applies even if it IS just a one night thing.

Strangely, many of my male friends are people I've known intimately, and have stayed in touch with even if incompatible relationship wise (for various reasons) becuase they are people who I am drawn to in some way and are drawn to me.

So, meeting a penis is all very well, but if I dont like the personality that comes with it, the penis comes no closer to me than the inside of it's owner's pants. I've had many simple no strings ofers. I've even been offered to be a 'kept woman'... Doesnt interest me, I want what I want, I'll be very straight up about it, and right now I'm happy with my boyfriend who I met, whilst sober (both of us) at a club, both of us dancing more than anyone else in the place, and we dated for a couple of weeks, but neither of us are keen on wasting time. So we decided to dive in and see how things went (so far, well! )

phew!



















thats cleared the air!

DE Well put, Robyn. I particularly liked your reasoning in the last paragraph, eloquently presented.

hahahahahahaha,

see, now I'm really scared...

Sounds realistic, not go to bed with somebody you'd not go to bed with.