h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For once I disagree with you Alpha. The mouth is designed for food to go in, and it leads directly to the digestive tract.

If you put food inside the vagina you are asking for toxic shock, yeast infections, and all sorts of nasties.

Just say "not there darling, but let me try this....."

Ben

Again ? best not ask...
You are right about the fruit. Personally, I think it's to risky, as you can't guarantee it being infection-free

One of my friends, who knows a nurse at a local hospital, told me about one poor girl who was brought in by her boyfriend. Apparently they had been fooling around with a cucumber and he had got so carried away he indavertently ruptured her vagina through into her rectum with it . Hence I've never really fancied the idea of messing around with fruit etc .

this is great fun.. i nearly have a full book of ideas now.lol

someone here, whom i shall name 'monkeyman' has suggested that everyone should try it outdoors, in the back seat of a fiat 127 or smaller, in a hotel toilet cubicle,on a crowded tube (???) in a phone box, on a speeding train, of course the mile high, and so on...every time you go away somewhere together a challenge to 'do it' like teenagers, somewhere where you might just get caught is as thrilling as if you were doing it for the first time

i think i'd leave the ripe plums and champagne at home that day, but..hmmmmmmm

I am trying to stop myself thinking about that...

The cucumber thing? Quite.

Now though I have had a rich and varied sex life, I tend to like comfort, (as already noted), and have very little experience of the backs of cars or the loos in trains.

I do wonder if I am missing out though....

Ben

Missing out ?
not to any great degree. It all depends what works. If there is some attraction it will be there. Some people get off on spanking each other, some people never think about it. If it has never crossed your mind, then you are'nt missing much. Focus on what you do have. feel free to experiment though. Watch a few films, see if anything you see rings any bells

ok.. you've convinced me.... (red faced, putting the watermelon and plums back on the sainsburys shelf)

i'll still agree to the idea of making 'cupcakes' of my breasts (to guffaws from the rest of the office) with squirty cream and strawberries... great fun, so dont knock it till you've tried it

incidentally it's not a bad idea to have a piece of fruit by the bed...
referring back to a pervious comment directed at bad breath and mouthwash.. pop a grape or a slice of orange...takes away that embarassing 'there's a rodent in my mouth' type feeling when you wake in the middle of the night and wonder how you can get to the bathroom for a quick toothbrush without seeming too obvious. (this would be for those who are in the throes of a passionate new relationship and still want to appear as if they have no flaws at all!!


ben.... please can you enlighten us? anecdote...again?... if it's not squirmy can u share?

Food and sex:

Q: How can you tell when a girl from East Kilbride has an orgasm?
A: She drops her chips!

Not squirmy, but not entirely my secret either, so better not.

Fruit by the bed instead of mouthwash is a good idea, though.

On the subject of infections, you do all get tested after every sexual partner, don't you?

(Goddess, I feel like my mother some times!)

Ben

PS - we never did get much gen from the men on what not to do! How are we to blow your minds if you don't tell us what works and what doesn't?

The squirty cream is a good idea, Groobe. I was once covered in cream, fruit, and chocolate sauce down there. Unfortunatly, it looked so good i ate it myself, and ruined the moment...
Keeping friut by the bed is good. Slices of Kiwi in a little dish of water works a treat

B- suck, don't blow !

Well I usually lick and nibble to be honest.

Ben

*tries to imagine how flexible Alpha-male must be*

...do you think we're talking vertebrae-removal here, Lucky Star?

(anyone seen/not seen Clerks???)

Years of training, star ! (and a spoon...)

wooo hooooo
brings a whole new meaning to me yoga practice...
alpha,
if i do the squishy cream and fruit and chocolate sauce in the right places , then get meself into 'the plough' position, there's a good chance i can follow your example..

i imagine it's not half as much fun though..

I think my gut would stop me from doing anything remotely that flexible.

I'd probably do my back in too

Okay Ladies... bring it on.
Tal, you'll probably be first