h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah well you see, it does take a bit of tact and diplomacy!

I annoyed my bf recently by suggesting that the - admittedly great - sex we were having could be improved.

So after a bit of "I'd love it if you..." and "it drives me wild if you..." and careful avoidance of any negative "I hate it when you..."

...coupled with some fun sessions discovering erogenous zones and exchanging fantasies...

he agrees I was right.

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There are times when good and hard is fab and then there are times where the merest brushing along the skin sends me wild.

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Hmm, yes left handed guys do seem to be rather good.
Should we do a poll?

One can always improve Lucky Star.
I'm open to new things and suggestions and so is boyf.
Hoorah!

morning all..
i agree that telling someone can be a bit of a turnoff..we went through this discussion one night..and agreed that it's a bit of an anti-climax to say to someone 'i want you to do such-and-such to me tonight' then there's this big expectation on the part of one, and a nervousness on the part of the other (should i do it now?? no..not right time...now?)..i think there's a lot to be said for spontanious actions..

mind you another time, with a few cans of alcoholic beverage on board we took another approach... because we are very interested in giving the utmost pleasure to eachother, but perhaps still a little shy of demanding what we want...
we took turns to blindfold eachother..the blindfolded person had to lie still, arms and legs relaxed and body naked.. the other, giggling and getting v turned on at the same time, tried various little tricks that they thought might please....and all the other had to do was give a number between 1 and 10...
it turned out to be absolutely hillarious and we did find it taught us loads and heightened the experience...little reactions and ideas stayed in the backs of our minds, which we now apply here and there when we are 'at it'....
it is also v important dont you think to be able to laugh a lot during sex..

This thread has certainly wandered over a lot of terrain. I have one simple question to toss into the mix:

How many people here, of any sex, gender or persuasion, derive their own greatest pleasure and satisfaction by GIVING pleasure? And then their own gratification is just a nice bonus.

Spot on. Laughter is important. If you are involved in something so seriously improtant that you can't laugh about it, then the tension causes the problems you are trying to avoid ! You need to be able to releive the tension (that's what a climax is after all- tension release; another way of laughing)at some point. Remember, when you get right down to it, most sex is completly ridiculous at the best of times ! What does Elton john say ? "Laughing Like Lovers"? If you cant joke about great sex, you wonn't be getting any !

Giving pleasure is the ONLY way to enjoy sex. The lady's pleasure is paramount- nothing else matters. That's precisly how I get my pleasure.
Try it guys- Women have been doing it for Millenia.

In a novel, Robert Heinlein defined Love as being the state when "One person's Happiness is essential to your own"

It applies across the board. and the Bed.

Gosh, it's been a while since I posted on this thread!

Good question, Nick. Personally, I enjoy myself a lot more when I know that what I'm doing is hitting the right buttons. It's a turn on to know that the person you love (as for me, sex is an integral part of love and commitment) is loving what you're doing. I've also found that my fiance is the same; it turns him on to know that I'm turned on pleasuring him. If that makes sense!

But then again, we both enjoy exploring and finding out about each other. And personally, I welcome all comments for improvement (as long as they're not criticism) as I would rather make sure what I was doing was good, than carry on doing a bad job, so to speak. If you can't be honest with someone in bed, when can you be honest with them?

I'll join the giving pleasure is a real thrill in itself group on this one, just works for me and is such a turn on in itself.

Well said Sir !
a good chef cooks for others..

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I agree too, and one way of avoiding this is to start by asking what the other person might like, which *should* then lead to them asking you the same.

And probably such discussions shouldn't take place 'just before' but perhaps over a nice romantic dinner or something like that . . . which then might just lead to some interest in trying out a few things that have been discussed . . .

Having said that, it is often very sexy to talk about sex in totally 'unsexy' situations, so maybe not over a romantic dinner, just when you are in the supermarket together or at an art exhibit, the cinema, taking a walk in the park, whatever.

Which brings me to another point. That often very sexy feelings can be shared without actually 'doing it' - kind of extended foreplay in a sense. Does that make sense?

az

It does, it makes a lot of sense; that way sex becomes a constant rather than a specific, and the act becomes a highlight of your life, rather than an occassion. A bit like turning a hobby into a profession, or being on holiday permanently. What you enjoy is always 'there', and as it is being 'exercised' as it were, the chances of anything getting stale are reduced.

Indeedy.

We compared our "top ten" experiences as we were strolling through the woods one afternoon, which was a fantastic way of reliving some wonderful moments, as well as giving us ideas for recreating the key factors.

As well as reminding your partner of which bits were special; People often focus on different things. When you compare notes after watching a film you both enjoyed, it's often the case that you saw different things. sex can be the same, i've found.

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Well said. Because we don't only experience sex and sexy feelings with our partners when we are 'doing it'. Also it probably reduces the 'performance insecurities' if being sexual together isn't limited to a specific place and time.

I think people often feel very sexy but maybe not always quite up to 'performing'. It would be a shame if they didn't feel able to express their sexual desires and feelings any time they liked.


az

Yes, it does make perfect sense Az.

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I like that too.

Yes, Alex. If not a constant stse of arousal, at least a constant stse of awareness, which isn't that far removed.

For stse, read state !

Oh, thought that was you drooling, Alpha.

az

WHAT !

(hang on, just wiping my chin)