h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll give you full control of the airbrush -

I sometimes have to remind people that it is only a virtual calendar after all !

Right, after that commercial break we now return you to your usual penissing.

All of us have our scars, RJR... just not all of them are on the outside where people can see them. Hope your nekkid bits get better soon!

One of my male friends (who I've known for over 10 years, purely platonically) insists on sending me *all* the gory details of his self-fulfilled sex life and all the girls he has phone/text sex relationships with . And I do mean *all* the details - enough to provide a very detailed mental image of what he's been doing, should I wish to construct it, and far, far more than we've all discussed on here. I mean, he's sent me detailed measurements of his willy (7" long, apparently - though I have no wishes to verify that in person!) and much more besides that I couldn't mention on here as it would get yikes'd.

I just don't get *why* he sends me this stuff. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Maybe he's feeling insecure about himiself and his abilities and wants me to tell him how much of a stud he is?

Anyway... rant over for today .

ho peni peeps!
finally get access to get in here to say summat
been following your thread, just never get the chance to actually post to it..
international conquests.. hmmmm

Irish: cute, inexperienced, (19 years old) big willie, could go for hours once we got the hang of it.. too young to make a go of it together.. mmmmm wonder where he is now..

American: beautiful, caring considerate, not that great a lover, was dissinterested in my part of it and once his part of it was over he lost complete interest......hope he's changed his ways. willie nothing to write home about.

Greek: WOW...WOW.. amazing.. knew exactly what to do, where and when to do it. incredibly considerate. average sized willie but what he did with it......... he taught me LOADS about what making love should be about..was in Greece working for the summer, was a beautiful time, petered out as a holiday romance, but i often day dream about him. wonder what he's doing now.

English, there's been a few:.. all except one i found to be inventive sexy and eager to please.. average size in general.. the one that was not that great an experience had a large one, but didn't know what to do with it. or didn't care.. thought having a big one was enough.... big mistake.. ended badly with him getting very insulted at my criticizm of his attitude to women and calling me a lot of names over the phone late at night for a few weeks before finally going up in a puff of smoke..in general i found English men to be the best informed relating to how women like things and interested in the 'mutual experience' and very courteous, attentive and complimentary..

but

Scottish: My loud, aggressive, rough,hairy, confident, gruff thick accent, and slightly thicker than average willie, but average length i think.(an inch or 2 above one 'fist' hi when erect and holding at the base?) .. was mildy interested in helping me to my orgasm, but that didnt matter, i only had to look at him and i was halfway there. as they say he had me at 'hello'..and he says the same. we meet up now and again and it's still the same.. find the quickest bedroom..sex is loud and fast and 'rip yer clothes off' type.. circumstances mean we cant' be together at the moment.. he works a very strange and solitary job, but who knows. in a year or 2.. we just have it all, we're just in the wrong part of the world...

i LOVE this thread.. keep up the good work. i'll try to get in as often as i can.. obviously there are other delights to be found but this was the first place i found when i logged in first and i rarely get online for more than a few minutes at a time so i kind of stuck here. any other suggestions would be welcome.. (threads, that is. i cant find them when i'm in here looking about)

Hi Grooobe - click on the Ask the Community link at the top of the page or the h2g2 logo for the front page - plenty of random links to be found at those two places. and don't be fooled by the titles of the threads in "Ask the Community" - sometimes interesting ones aren't and a thread with a boring name may have mutated into a really good discussion.

Try and avoid the personal feuds and stick to people who talk sense. As you would in RL.

PS - I envy you that Greek guy.

And I regret that I shall probably go to my grave not ever having slept with an Englishman.

As for Rains - your so-called "friend" - no matter about the fact that you're married and you consider him "just a friend" - a bloke who keeps telling you about his prowess in bed and the size of his willy has only one thing in mind.

Or : (serious hat on here) he is disturbed in some way. I mean, who talks about those sort of things to *anyone*? (Except on this thread)

Hi grooobe,

Watch out for the badgers and ferrets, they're mostly harmless but a few of them can give you a nasty nip.

Trillian, I think he *is* disturbed in some way - he certainly suffers from depression and has been on medication for it, and perhaps some things besides . Why he doesn't just stop playing X-Box games and get his a**e out there to meet some real-life girls, I have no idea.

I mean, my husband knows all about this, and commented that a) real men don't need to boast of their prowess and b) he's probably seeking some sort of approval and affirmation of his masculinity.

PS - This thread is mild compared to some of the stuff he's told me!

Or he could be some sort on internet exhibitionist; or more likely; he is actually making most of it up & is a sad sack in a mac.

What's he like when you meet up with him in RL?

*Hiya Groob, welcome to the willy thread; yes, as Trillians child said, loads of interesting stuff on hootoo, have a wander around!

zdt

hi groob....never stand on ceremony here.. just dive in and say your piece

rains.. that man is being a perv.. too much detail in a friendship..sounds like hes probably one big failure.. methinks he braggeth too much...

we're back to which nationality shags the best?? i can only give a limited account.......

englishmen..... C not very good.. could do better...

scottishmen.... F dreadful horrible scary nasty experience.. and
looked like zz top...yuk

welshmen....... C sorry to be unpatriotic..but no great dice either

husband/welshman B+ had to be in different catergory as this welshman
does excel in the oral exams.. also very horny,
dirty devil.. would have scored an A, but lacks
a deep husky voice....orgasm guaranteed..

sorry i can't report on any other nationalities.. any research in that field would be tantamount to adultery.... would have loved to bonk an american though

The woman i have had the pleasure of....


American, nice ok person, sort of good in bed!

French, okish! Farted alot

Spanish, loads of movment, no go though!

English, Missionary to the extream

Aisan, errr how does one say...... liked tea better, also by the way had one of the most biggest personal parts i have ecer encountered

theres also a few i won't go on about!

well rev you've had more variety than me.... the french fart a lot.. must be the garlic

and as for the asian lady...

i think the truth in all this folks/everyone is that its the ones we have the closest tie /love for that makes the sex better.. especially from a womans perspective..

a close loving relationship will have a better sex life than a one night stand.. although men just being closer to the lower life forms [animals] can probably enjoy a quick knee trembler anywhere and with anyone....

The French do indeed fart a lot; the nice polite ones say "oops, pardon!" & giggle though; & their farts aren't as smelly or loud as English ones in general!

zdt

I'm new to this extremely interesting thread and was wondering (one of the MANY questions which has come to mind) if there is any Australian experience out there, or if we are truly that insignificant (as a nation, not as a lover).

Dildo peeps No experiance of Australians

well its seems that i have a nice experance of the Ozzie Female and i'm not saying anything

Can we all try her so we can compair notes?

naughty naughty 2legs

actually its been so long since I was last with a woman...... I don't know I'd know what to do any more Oooo I need the collective minds here to help me with a problem.... vaguely* peni related My new I suddenly realise I need to think about getting a Christmas present for problem is, I've not a clue what to get at all he will be away at Christmas at his parents, or his sisters, and I likewise will be at my Fathers with my Brother etc.... So I'll have to get him something soon as the next and only oppertunity to see him before Christmas will be either the 10th or 17th Dec He likes drinking but I don't think a bottle of booze is relaly right He's really in to music, but I don't know what he has and what he hasn't got music wise (Well not enough to know theres a CD I could get him that he relaly wants....) Beyond that I'm relaly not sure... now... I wonder if my brohter is awake yet; I phoned him at 4 AM, after we'd been texting for a while, and he was* considering coming over this weekend.... but he may well have been a bit so he might not be up yet sod it, I went to bed at 5 AM and got up before 12 so I don't see why I can't wake him up

C'mon, don't be shy. Though I am australian, I can't copmpare, coz I've never left this sunburnt country.

I also can't spell right, or offer women advice at this late stage...

The Ozzie scared the $hit out of me, but she was one of the most genunie person, niceest person one could live with, but she did scare me big time, the only pos she used was the missonary! i think that its the long forgotten pos!