h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm in lunch. Time off!

Cor. I'm back again because my sis and I are wasting time until the express lane opens up, and then we're going to pick up my Two Towers tickets from the theatre.

Sweet. The Two Towers will be great!

Mmmm hmm, babygirl.

*steps in quietly*
Ehem.. Hi all. Thought I heard pirates about. AAARRGGHHH and all that. Just thought I'd poke my head in and try my hand at Eevil. Just a quick idea as I'm in the middle of trying to catch up with the major threads... Mein Gott you are a loquacious bunch. Being a newbie thingite takes a lot of reading. Here's a small bit of evil. Go to a silk screeners and have them make some stickers about 2.5 inches in diameter with Spade and Screw icons on them. Plaster them over the hearts in those annoying bumperstickers. You know the kind... "I heart my Doberman", "I heart NY". It's not original I know but quite fun when you find the right bumperstickers.

*Starts toward door*

Oooh... Minibar!

Yeah, the minibar is what keeps people coming back. Help yourself! We're about to re-stock it, I think... So are we doing this raid on the Zaphodista? It sounds like fun. Plus we get to dress up as pirates

*Steps behind dressing screen, emerges in full piratical get-up with a peg-leg and *two* parrots, one on each shoulder*

Harhar. Call me Long John Legion

*Waves rusty sword dramatically*

Follow me, my pretties! Or is that for monkeys? Yeah, should've been 'maties'. Oh well, follow me anyway!

F70774?thread=192585&skip=2740&show=20

...and remember to be polite. We are gatecrashing their convo, after all.

*has posted*

The enemy has been infiltrated, sir Long Jhon Legion sir!

*salutes, giggles*

*Returns salute, doesn't giggle*

'Cause tough pirates like me have no sense of humour. Grrr.

Well maybe I'm not a tough pirate.

...And then maybe I ing am you ing son of a ing mother er.

*Raises handbag to face in shock and alarm*

I've created a monster! Next thing you'll be *spitting*!

Spitting! What the do you take me for? Common ing rifraff?

They has and not just one but lots of

It wasn't pretty.

This place is getting lousy with pirates. It's getting so one can't swing a dead cat with knocking a parrot of someone's shoulder. Hey! That sounds like a fun game...

*grabs a gun, wanders off into forest for a minute >BANG<... returns with an ocelot slung over shoulder*

I think I'll just hang around here and have a few 's while I catch up on the backlog. Don't wanna join any raiding parties half-cocked.

*swings ocelot three rev's over head... Connects*

>>WHIRRWHIRRWHIRR---SQUAWK!!!---Splat<<

*Walks over and wipes parrot offal from oak panelling*

I'll just sit and the corner and read for awhile... well, until another pirate with a parrot gets in range, of course.

*Rolls barrel of through the BoE double doors*

Raiding party successful! Now we feast!

*Conjures up suckling pig over a blazing fire, and some maggoty biscuits for that authentic pirate flavour*

*Takes twin parrots off shoulders, glances nervously at Count Zero and places them in pockets*

Mmmm feasting. The best part of any raid.

Did anyone happen to pick up any Beaujolais while we were pillaging, did you?

Hmmm... This game could be improved.
*CZ mutters to himself... steps back out to forest this time returns with live ocelot in a rucksack and fashions a ocelot holster out of clumps of oak paneling and genuine sasqatuan seal skin bindings. Stuffs ocelot rather unsuccessfully into holster*

Yes, what's the fun of swinging dead cats... no difficulty points in that.

*stands by door... as bored laura walks in unholsters ocelot. Ocelot scores three vicious swipes at Count's arm before Count lands shot.*

>>>MMRRREEWWWWOOWWERRRRR--SQUAWK---SPLAT<<<<

BWAAHHAAAHHAA

Why did I say that?
*looks into *

*CountZero logs off into fit of Ocelot Scratch Fever and collapses for an indeterminate time in corner*

I did what . . . ?!!!

I'm there now... let's get the moonshine back here post-haste!