h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He really is First Class. And he will do a second delivery if you ask.

I'll delivery late at night or early in the morning if you wish.

And at any time of day or night, if it's a matter of urgency.

I'll slot my parcels through your letterbox on a regular basis.

*Peregrin decides this has gone far enough, and shuts up*

Well, all the ladies in the village will be pleased with a regular service from you. If you think you're up to the job, it's yours. You may move in too.
Lady C

thanks

No. 13 is his. I think you'll find him VERY satisfactory!

JOB CENTRE ANNOUNCEMENT NUMBER 2
Vacancies still remain and applications are welcome for:
Doctor
Vicar
Thatcher
Bar staff for Crossed Purposes Inn. Apply here or ask Kasia
Young school leaver shop assistant. Apply here or ask vegiman
Car Park Attendant
Staff for the Grange

The following appointments have been made.
Babel-17: Lady C's personal handiman - ref supplied by Lady C
Bluebottle: Plumber - ref supplied by Mari-Rae
Galaxy Babe: Proprietor of Beauty Shoppe, NOW OPEN for massage, manicure and pedicure, advice dispensed and floristry orders taken. - ref from God A.
God A: The Church. - No references required
Kasia: Landlady of Crossed Purposes Pub - Fully experienced and refs all checked
Vegiman: Village Stores and home delivery - ref supplied by Lady C
Lipsbury Pinfold: Librarian - sent by God A
Peregrin: postman. Extensive refs supplied by Amy the Ant

Still awaiting references.
Big Mad Mr T: - sexton at the church, with special responsibility for bell ringing.
Barney's Bucksaws: - Landscape Technician, with special responsibility for cutting grass, trimming hedges, repairing walls and shovelling snow.

I'm always open to suggestions.
Lady C

As a matter of interest, is anyone allowed to be unemployed in this village?

I'm beginning to wonder if I've inadvertadly wandered into a militant dictatorship...

President Coelacanth has a nice ring

We old ladies like to keep young men busy.
Lady C

If you need a doctor I'm your man.
I have all my own teeth, and I am fully house trained.
I also have a shiny new stethoscope.

My special interests are old wives tales. I don't do feet.

- Adam

Hello: If you are still looking for a vicar, could I apply for the job?

I'd be a peach in the pulpit and a lovey at the lectern!

I'd be a very open-minded viacr, with an ecumenical attitude to the Weekenders, True-Brownie-ists etc, who may pop in, not too mention the Angels and God A. himself!

(Actually, I really have had experience of running a church IRL!)

I'm sure Lipsbury Pinfold would give me a reference....

Will you be moving to the Vicarage (which will be gaining a much bigger garden in the next draft) or would you like your cottage to become the Vicarage?

That's a good point. The vicarage looks like a very big property for one tiny cat, however reverend.

Perhaps the Vicarage could become "The Old Vicarage", now a private property, with Sangrail replacing it as a more practical manse.

It would certainly give Vavoom some verisimilitude!

Hope this makes sense!!!

It does indeed make sense.

*A man in black wanders in, drops an application form on Lady C's desk and wanders out again*

Application reads:-
Position applied for:- Doctor
Qualifications :- Some
References:- Obviously forged
Reply to:- Doctor John @ U113301

A blank cheque made out in favour of Coelacanth is attached.

Oooh. It's raining doctors! If only this sort of thing happened IRL.

It did once, over in Rangoon. Terrible mess. Over 12,500 assorted surgeons, physicians and gynaecologists lost their lives to freak updraughts. Medical students are now issued with a pair of very heavy boots when they graduate. I only take mine off to have a bath.

And thats all true.

- Adam

Sorry (Wonky) Doctor but if you don't do feet I think there might be a problem. Have you seen Peregrin the postie's? URGH And us old dears would love to roll down our stockings for a good looking medic.
*tucks Dr J's cheque into her cleavage*
Besides, Dr J had excellent references.
I'll keep your application on file though. Is there anything else you can offer me? I'm very open to suggestions.
Lady C

I definitely agree,Lady C: the feet medicine is VERY important for us poor old retired ladys!

Kasia

Would Dr. John like to name his house?

And could Dr Adam the Wonky Doctor be offered The Old Vicarage just in case a locum is required?

I've got hammer-toes like you wouldn't believe!!