h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bugger... There's only one man who can save us now......





oh wait. No there isn't.

Mwhahahahaha!


Now if you want any food you're going to have to work for it. Okay, suckers enough slacking - get to work!

Wait... I remember this... know, what happened last time. Hmmmmm...
Oh yes I remember, the cat had to work, Lister couldn't get any food and I... Oh no... oh no... oh noo!!!!

*thinks he is in here so therefore he is*

does anyone know if the medic has forgiven me yet?

< *prods Verc to be subscribed to the A-Deck Mess Hall....* >

*apperes at the door holding some very sharp looking implaments and grining in a very unsettleing way*
Anyone seen a new crewman around?

*briefly dissapears from the screen*

Try Arisztid's Cabin doc.
*smiles as he knows what fate awaits Arisztid*

*continues to grin*
Will do Arnold

*turns on her heel and walks in almost militery fasion down the hall*

*walks in, walks up to Rimmer and smacks him round his hard-light head with a hard-light lead pipe*


Look. I don't know who you think i am, but i am am going to give you the precise information that you will require if you are to continue in this idiocy of my court martial. One, i am perfectly legal in calling you a smeg-head as proven in the episode 'The End' and i quote:

See that sir! He called me a smeghead!

Oh Rimmer. You are a smeghead.

After this Lister had no charges brought against him other than the one against frankenstein.
Two, I am not part of the space corps and never have been or will be. I answer one person and one person only, and that is myself.
Three, even if you are the only space corps personnel aboard you do not have the authority to carry out a court martial as to do so you must be atleast a section head like Petersen or the Captain, like Oates.
Four, the only being that you have any durastiction is lister and this therefore reinforces point three.

Now Good day to you you complete and uter smeghead.

*walks out*

"Todhunter" was my superior officer, Petersen was Lister's dumb drunk danish drinking-buddy and I filed a report against Todhunter to have him court martialed but the bugger went and was waporised by a reactor breach (which was Lister's fault to begin with no matter what anyone might say and who might have been on duty in the drive room that day)
I filed a report against Captain Hollister also, same case there, he died before I could have him face the consquences of dereliction of duty.
You are onboard the JMC mining ship Red Dwarf, and as that, you are fully responsible for your actions and your actions goes against the regulations of the Space Corps, therefore you answer to the Jupiter Mining Corporation which answers to the Space Corps. And I am a member of the space corps, ergo, you can be court-martialed by the Space corps.
Three and four; Well... you got me there... except for Petersen since he was in charge of catering and a section head. I can't court-martial you...






But the on-board computer, Verc can...

And you think that Verc will do what you say?

Of course... he will surely agree with me on all the regulation violations you have commited, since he bases all his positions on logic. And his wast IQ is more than capable of deciding your fate in a nanosecond. And furthermore, he's good looking to!

And of course your assuming that i will submit to the sentence.

<Petersen stopping the self-destruct? Remind me where this is from, I'm stomped. And I would expect a man who wrote "I am a fish" 400 times on his exam would gain infamous status within the hour on a ship with only 1169 people on board.

And because of the very simple reason of his subvertable programming, i believe that he is legally incapable of acting as either judge or jury. Therefore verc being the Judge is unacceptable.

If you refuse to submit to a sentence as a result of a court martial, you will be court martialed...



...again...