h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Willy: "Ach, don' feel bad fer loosin, Wolfie. I was wrestlin' wolves when ye were jus' a pup at yer mother's tit."

(Sorry if my written accent is atrocious)

Flanders: Homer, you are the worst human being I have EVER met.
Homer: Phew, I got off light!

blonde barmaid: you said if i slept with you i wouldn't have to touch the drunks.

duffman: duffman says a lot of things ohhhhh yeeeee

Wiggum: According to the town charter I'm supposed to get a pig every month! And two comely lasses of virtue true.
Quimby: Keep the pig, how many broads do I get?!

Krusty: Our next eligible batchelor likes women who take their clothes off for money, give a big hand for MOE!

Leonard Nimoy: Well, my work is done here.
Spotty Kid: But you didn't do anything.
Nimoy: Heh, didn't I?!

Smart a**e guy (to comic book guy): Hah, fat sarcastic Star Trek fan, you must be a devil with the ladies!

Angry mob: 2,4,6,8 Homers crime was very great! (pause)
Great meaning large or immense, we mean it in the prajoritive sense!

Lisa:" I bet you dont even know what a rhetorical question is!"
Homer "Do I know what a rhetorical question is!!!"

Some great ones form the PS2 Road rage game:

Homer singing (sort of 3 blind mice tune)
"I am so smart
I am so smart
S M R T
I mean
S M AR T DOH!"


also, criticising Bart's driving technique:

"You drive like I think"





long pause




even longer than that



"slowly"


and my absolute favourite from the Singalong episode
"rudolph get your nose over here.."

From Treehouse of Horror II I believe:

Moe: I'm a big stupid moron with a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt!

Or when Marge is complaining about how Bart ruins every family photograph it pans along a long line of old photographs, one of which has Bart holding up a speech bubble next to Homer proclaiming "I STINK!"- to which Homer leans down to scrutinise it and says: "Hey I don't remember saying that!"

Skinner (after becoming Armin Tamzarian again): Up Yours Children!

"Sorry, the fingers you are using are too fat..please mash the phone with your palm now to order a pokey stick"

Or something like that. I love that one.

Milhouse: "How could this happen? It started off like Romeo and Juliet, and ended in tragedy!"

Comic Book Guy: "I must return to my comic book store where I dispense insults rather than absorb them"

Ralph: "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"



Milhouse: "Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore"
Bart: "What's she got against me?"
Milhouse: "She says you're a bad influence"
Bart: "Bad influence, my @$$. How many times have I told you, never listen to your mother?"

Simpson, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in historeee
From the town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnnut tree

oh how this little post has grown. . .
I'm seriously considering a Simpson's appreciation Group.
I'm sure some of the posters here would use it. Let me know.


Lord of the Flies episode, right before the bus crashes, Bart and Nelson are going to race fruit down the aisle of the bus:

Nelson: (rolling fruit)"Go Apple!"
Bart: (rolling fruit) "Go Orange!"

Raplh: (throwing fruit to the ground) "Go Banana!"

Friar

Stampy the elephant has just saved Homer from the tar pit.

Homer: I'm alive! And it's all thanks to this feisty feline!

Lisa: Dad, feline means 'cat'.

Homer: (Dripping with condescension) Elephant, honey. It's an elephant.

I'd join a Simpson's appreciation Group. Do I have to do anything?

One of the many "sexual tension" scenes between Mr Burns and Smithers. The one where Burns exaplains why dogs are ridiculous animals:

Burns: "Why, Smithers. If I were to come into your home sniffing your crotch and licking your face, what would you think?"

Smithers (plainly slightly flustered): "You, Sir?"

Superintendant Chalmers: "Skinner! Why aren't these uniforms colourfast?"

Skinner: "I don't know, I got them from the same place where I get mother's clothes. Oh no. Mother's in the park!"

Superintendant Chalmers: "Now this I've got to see"

Smither's computer [Mr. Burn's screensaver]: "Hello Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on."

Smithers [to Lisa]: "I think you'd better ingnore that"