h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(Homer meeting the TV critic of the Springfield Shopper)

Homer: (grabbing the critic by the throat) You're the one who made them cancel Platypus Man...and The Cosby Mysteries. That show had Limitless possabilities...LIMITLESS POSSABILITIES!!!


Woman: Who are you and why are you ruining my retirement party
Homer: I'll have you know I wandered off from the tour.

(Both taken from "Guess Who's Coming To Criticise Dinner?", a personal favourite.)

"Can't sleep, clown'll eat me."

LOL

Flanders: Oh, Bert I see you've met Granny Flanders. Hope she didn't scare you.

Granny Flanders (clearly insane): Hello JOE!!!

Should have read Bart not Bert.

(Simpsons Supergeek indeed!)

Homer: "What are the advantages of this luxury car over, say, a train?... which I could also afford?"

Burns: You, Foodbag. Do you have a son?
Homer: Yes sir.
Burns: And is he a total disappointment? Does he bring home idiots and make you talk to them?
Homer: Oh, all the time. Do you know this kid Milhouse? He's a little Weiner who-
Burns: Fascinating. Goodnight.

(from Burns,Baby,Burns...where CMB realises he has a son!)

Homer: 'Where *is* Bart, his dinner is getting all cold and eaten.'

Flanders at Alcholics Anonymous.

Flanders: Well, it all happened when I'd had a glass of Elderberry wine.
(flashback)

Maude: Mrs Winnfield called, she wants to know if we can give a lift on Sunday.
Ned: Oh-Mrs Winnfield is a silly old biddy.
(cut to present)
Ned (head in hands): I was more animal than man!!!

I should not read these quotes while at work, I keep tittering with laughter and everyone is looking at me like I'm mad.
Whoever said American's didn't have a sense of humour?

I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.

(from the song "we put the Spring in Springfield"-about a bordello.

Bart: To shut this place down would be twisted.
Jimbo/Dolph/Kearney: We just heard this place existed!!!

"If you are seeing this video, then you are now the President of the United States, sir. Or ma'am. Hopefully sir.

"If you are seeing this video, then you are now the President of the United States, sir. Or ma'am. Hopefully sir."

Homer: Goodbye Lisa, Remember me as I am...FILLED WITH MURDEROUS RAGE!!!

Homer: "I see the light! And IT BURNS!"

Burns
See my vest, see my vest
made of real gorilla chest!

Post 61 gave me a strange feeling of deja vu.

"You had an idea, great. Why don't you write it down, put it in an envelope and mail it to last week when I might have cared?"

Homer: 'Fugu me!'

See this sweater there's no better than authentic Irish setter.
See this hat, t'was my cat
My evening wear Vampire bat.
These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino
Grizzily bear underwear
Turtles necks I've got my share
Parade a poodle on my noodle it shall rest
Try my red-robin suit it comes one breast or two.
See my vest
See my vest
See my vest.
Like my loafers
Former gophers,
It was that slew my chauffeaurs
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best
So lets prepare these dogs
Kill two for matching clogs
See my vest
See my vest
Oh please won't you see my vest???!!!

I really like the vest.
Smithers:I gathered, yeah.

Bart:dah-dah-dah-dah!
Lisa: BART!
Bart: Sorry, you gotta admit it's catchy!