h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

DISGUSTING!!!!!!

Actually I've never witnessed Barney (for 'tis his name) actually pursuing it past the simple but I'm careful to dampen his ardour in the event

Ours always tries to push between us when we and complains vociferously if we . She's convinced she could take my place if she could actually manage to murder me....

Ok. My most embarrassing sexual moment does not involve cats or dogs or any other kind of animal.

I *did* think it involved some fungus though.

I had been on a course of antibiotics that summer, and as a result was vulnerable to intestinal and vaginal fungus. We are talking about thrush here. (The anti-biotics were for a chest infection, by the way... just want to establish that before we move on).

So there we were in the hotel banging away like a barn door. When we have finished, I roll over and sit up in bed, while he goes off to the shower. As I sit up I manage to mark the sheets and one of the pillowcases. This confused the hell out of me because (1) condoms usually save all that messy wet-patch stuff and (2) the marks on the sheet aren't actually white.

They aren't actually red either, and it is only two and a half weeks after my last period. So I have to tell the guy in the shower that I have made a mess of his bed (shhhh - it was a single room) and that I think it's probably thrush. I still have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, thinking about it.

Getting pessaries from a chemist when you don't speak the language is a cinch in comparison. Standing there with a pharmacist giving each other the bird is one of the memories I will treasure from that summer. Dealing with what turned out to be irregular periods is not.

One final thing that should be said is that he managed to rinse it out of the sheets and was astonishingly nice about the whole thing, and I will always be grateful for that.

As I said at the time - "messy things, women"



an occasionally messy woman called Ben

Oops. Ben.

I had a couple of highly embarrassing experiences the first time I stayed at my first boyfriend's house.

I had grown up in the sort of family that put on their nightclothes BEFORE they took off their day clothes (no, honestly, it IS possible) and used euphemisms like "Going to visit Aunt Jane" (the loo) and I'd hardly ever encountered men - even fully clothed ones.

Well, first, we were rather deeply involved in each other, on a couch (You know, hands where they shouldn't have been, clothes not where they should have been...) and his mother opened the door, walked into the room, stopped dead, said "Oh, I'm sorry" and walked out again.

Then, since the distance between our homes necessitated staying overnight, I walked out of the spare bedroom in the morning - straight into his completely naked father, who cheerily said "Good morning. Did you sleep well? I've just made tea if you'd like some." and wandered off, leaving me to pick up my jaw from the carpet and search frantically for my composure.

Actually, reading that, it doesn't sound embarrassing at all
Amazing what 24 years' perspective can do isn't it?

Arrrgghhh - speaking about parents you just reminded me of something I had locked away in my memory banks that I though had been forgotten forever.

Spent the weekend once at a friends family home in Manchester with a few other friends. I had travelled up from leicester and went straight to a local pub to meet everyone rather than going home to see the parents etc first. Well predictably I had wayyyy too many s at the pub before going back to the house. The rest of the family had gone to bed when we got back from the pub so we started a North vs South drinking confrontation which went on verry very late.

End result was that I passed out and my friends left me drunk on the kitchen floor for the night when they finally went to bed.

Next morning my friends mother, father and younger siblings got up as per normal and had breakfast. They made coffee and cooked food with me spreadeagled and unconcious right in the middle of the kitchen. They just left me there and kept stepping over me as if nothing was amiss .... and I hadn`t even been introduced to them

my friend took photo`s of the whole thing and it is the most utterly bizarre scene you have ever saw.

..
That story will take some beating..

I have one, but I need permission...

Well, if you put it on I promise not to hit the yikes button.

Rolling onto my mobile during a passionate encounter and leaving a somewhat inappropriate message on my parents' ansaphone.

Eek...

I have a boyfriend's parent's story, but nothing to Tefkat's or Red Dog's. Just that I went to visit a boyfriend once at his house, and sat down on the bed, which promptly and permanently collapsed under me.

I went some way towards redeeming my self-esteem though, when I correctly diagnosed dirt in the carbouretter by ear, when their car would not start.

I am god-mother to his eldest daughter, which is nice too.

After going to a concert (any Parrot Heads out there?) and drinking way to many margaritas, we went to a bar (Hog's and Kisses) where I decided to take a look around the place cause I had never been there. I walked twards what I thought was the back of the bar. The bar was real crowded and after shoving my way through I ran smack into a floor to ceiling mirror that covered the whole back of the place. only I tought I had just ran into someone else, so I said excuse me and moved over two steps just to walk into the mirror again, much to the ammusement of many of the people at the bar who watched me do it.
I did finally figure out that I was walking into a mirror and decided I had had enough to drink so I left.

Ah yes collapsing beds again

And yes of course, you know me, I have a second story. Whilst living in a Univerity halls of residence I had a bed collapse under me whilst doing the thing. What to do under those circumstances? Well, stop for a second, start giggling, and just carry on.

The neatest bit is once we had finished, we broke into someone elses room and swapped the bed bases over. The poor victim never did work out why she came back to a broken bed.

At least you were applying regular movement and pressure. I just sat on the damn thing!

had the flying off the bed done soooooo many times. Same bed, even.

BUT I now have my permission, so there goes:
Me and my current sweety were together in London in a halls of residence, converted to B&B for the summer vacation. We were extremely busy making love, when suddenly someone knocks on the door. Now, we weren't quiet at all, at least I know *I* wasn't, so we've just ignored it, hoping they'll go away. Then, again, after afew minutes, we hear a key turning in the key hole. And following the key, a head peeks in (we're naked, having sex, in bed!) and goes: "I want to clean the room and change the sheets". We've managed to close the door behind him and finish our thing, before yet another knock on the door- "can I come in?" "NO!!!" I yelled in reply. He left. They wouldn't give us any clean sheets afterwards- guess we've hurted his feelings...

Ok... Most embarrassing thing this week.....

Went to Guildford to meet old friends - unnamed pub to protect the guilty - drinking..... Went to loo, washed hands, etc... Came back, sat down... and promptly drank more - put glass down... Only didn't, juggled it and managed to spill 2/3 pint over table and mates - as well as knocking another full pint over - and breaking glasses....

I blame the soap...

...
Drunken kitchen floor story....

Went Drinking in/near Norwood Junction (mate lived their)... ... went back to their place for a couple more Vodkas.... Ordered Taxi, around 12:30 .... around 1:00 went to find it at end of road... Only it wasn't there.....

Couldn't find way back to friends place so decided to walk home (about 10 miles - maybe...)... By this stage I was COMPLETELY lost... Got to Streatham - went to garage to get some change.... Found Call box - called cab firm - unfortunately I was so drunk I had NO idea where I was so Cab couldn't find me....

carried on walking ... eventually (around 6 am) spotted Post Van doing first pick up of the day - went and asked him "Where am I?" - he asked where I wanted to be - I said Carshalton (about 5 miles from where I was....) - he offered lift to within 2 miles of home... FINE says I amd jumped in... Dropped me off 2 miles from home (or so) somewhere I recognised (I could've kissed Paynes factories gates (the home of poppets))...

Walked home from there...

Parents find me 9:30 in morning collapsed on Kitchen floor...

I was still too to be embarrased!!