h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Once because of too much booze, I decided to sleep where I fell. I was awakened from my slumbers, in a gutter, outside my house by a friendly milkman at about 6am the next morning.

Good job it was the Milkman and not Jeremy Beadle!!!

Train, Embarrasment - in Holland last couple of days - on way there trains were up the creak - didn't arrive until 10:30 at night...

ON way back jumped on what looked like correct train (it was) settled back - train arrives at Amsterdam... Hmm, only a few more stops to go then !

Then train starts going back way we had come - so another 40 minutes later we were able to get off and go back again ,,,

OK so that wasn't TOO embarrasing, now that I tell it, but it felt pretty face reddening at the time!

I am running out of embarrasing sexual situations - I have led a sheltered life - but something which W****E said about femidoms (in relation to Green Wellies, and the request to bring something associated with Sheep to the Glasgow Meet) reminded me about that particular and bizzare form of contraception.

I was in Boots in rural Hicksville several years ago, buying condoms. I decided to discuss the different brands with the women serving, because I was at the time alergic to rubber. (Not a good place to have an alergic reaction, by the way).

They were very excited because they had three packets of Femidoms in, and none of them knew what they were like to use.

Reporting back on progress the following week was almost as funny as describing pessaries to Swedish monoglots several years later.

For the record, they look like jellyfish made out of cling-film, and are about as enticing to use.

a girl called Ben

Femidoms. Eeeek away.....

They really should explain on the packaging that us guys are not actually expected to completely fill them

And equally, and conversely, that they are not intended to fill us!

B

True. But one would have hoped that the *lengthwise* fitting would have been sorted out? It was those *extra* rubbery lips that stopped all activity and brought on the giggles

Well, I don't think I have ever had sex without laughing. Maybe one day I'll get the hang of it, and do it right.

Mind you, I don't think I bought another packet.

Can you still get them?

Ben

While we are on the subject, something I have wondered for a while but never found the right moment to ask:

We all know that guys come in different shapes and sizes, and that gals do too, externally. But how different do women feel inside, from the outside? As distinguished by that most sensitive of organs.

As it were.



Ben

More or less the same, unless she has learned the benefit of pelvic floor exercises

*Laughing like a lunatic!*

And the added advantage that she won't pee when she coughs. (Which reminds me - have you spoken to W****E yet?

*Practicing as I type*

No, I'm shy.

Quiet in here isn't it?

I have spent the last two days painting my housemates new house in my oldest painting clothes. (Can only just get into the trousers - and they used to be so-o-o big for me - ouch).

This reminded me of a painting t-shirt I had, but threw away.

Why did I throw it away?

Well, how shall I put this? Um. If all girls were built like me there'd be no need for wonderbras. And painting is for me an interactive experience. (My hair is currently red, courtesy of Boots the Chemist, and Blue and Yellow, courtesy of B&Q).

So there I was, wandering around Great Mills, in a Black T-Shirt with the - um - pointiest bits of my embonpoint pointed out for all to stare at pointedly and make pointed remarks about. The paint was white.

I don't embarrass easily, as you must have guessed by now, but I did go home and throw the t-shirt away!

Ben

Hmmmmmm....

About as bad as Black Trousers and white paint...

Im sorry but I didn't quite get what had happened. Ben could you elaborate on the paint shirt thing for me?

Just to prove that not everything I do involves sex.

I have stepped backwards into a pot of paint and then tumbled down the stairs in a Tom & Jerry style comedy fashion.

This is what I hate about posting things. Xanatic, did you really miss the points I was making, or are you just teasing me?



Ben

I didn't get your points, except that it was somethihng about your points being painted. So could you repeat it?

I was wearing a black T-shirt while painting walls with white paint.

Somehow I had managed to get white paint over each nipple. ! I am built big, and so men notice my breasts anyway - this was as unsubtle as it gets without actually being a Wet T-shirt competition.



Ben

4 days of silence Maybe I should reactivate the thread<tongueout)