h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I never realised Lemmy was such a sweetie

My wife used to throw up when we went for walks while she was pregnant with our first. I had to hold her while she coughed up in the gutter all the time trying to pretend that this had nothing to do with me.

For me... getting caught reading over someone's shoulder at the bus interchange. First week of high school, the person reading was a big and scary ish Year Ten, and she didn't realise that I was reading over her shoulder, she looked up and said hi, and I told her at the end of the year. She's still a good friend of mine.

My fund of embarrasing sexual stories is but a shadow of GreyDesk's, but I feel I ought to contribute here. And this is more about avoiding embarrasement than suffering it.

When I was at Uni, I once started the month sleeping with one room-mate, and ended the month sleeping with the other. Actually, thinking about it, they had been room-mates the year before. But the point is that they had shared a room for a year.

Anyway RM #1 was considerably better endowed than RM #2, although #1 was a s**t and #2 an absolute sweetie. You lose on the roundabouts and gain on the swings, I guess.

So there I am, fumbling around with RM #2 for the first time, and he says "I'm much smaller than RM #1, I hope you don't mind". Now there is very little you can say to this remark. "Well, actually I do mind" or "in that case, I might as well go home" aren't going to enhance the little that is there, are they? And as I said, RM #2 was an absolute sweetie, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

What I said was: "but RM #1 used to hurt me sometimes" and left it at that. We never mentioned size again, but I do sometimes wonder whether he had more confidence with the women he has slept with since, or if any of them were less kind. Not a question I can ask him, really.

And yes, size does matter, but skill counts for so much too....

agcB

Hope he isn't reading this...

Now that WOULD be embarrassing.......

Specially if he posted "Hi Ben, long time no see"
or
"er, that was me actually"

How about "Oh. You're THAT Ben" ?

Ben, the question we males want answered is this: If you had to choose between #1 `the big pr**k` or #2 `the small sweetie` to be with the rest of your life, who do you choose? Think carefully as this answer will be taken down (and given in evidence!)

We've had some gorgeous weather this summer and it's been the first summer for 20 years that I haven't been working.
We live in a very remote spot and my garden is surrounded by trees and fields so I've been sunbathing naked as often as possible.

One day in July I arrived home from the morning school run, washed my hair, and went outside to dry it in the sun (it takes hours).

The surveyor from the insurance company was supposed to be coming to look at the kitchen at 1pm, which was hours away.

At 11am I was sitting on the lawn, brushing my hair and reading my book, when a car turned into my drive and a young man climbed out.
Luckily I still had the towel I had been wearing on my head. I just had time to grab it before he came down the steps looking for me.

Any sensible girl would choose the small sweetie.
But we're not always sensible, are we Ben?

Wuff Wuff !

*done in a kind of cross between Leslie Phillips and Flashheart*

Oh the sweetie - I am not into mind-f**ks.

And I mentioned the matter of skill, didn't I? Let's just say that one of my favourite jokes has the punch-line "ain't that some kind of fancy liquor?"

agcB

A round of applause for Ben. And for all right thinking females. Its not the size or the colour, not the curves or the wealth but the humanity and kindness that really matters.

Both qualities that Ben has an abundance of.

Not to mention laughter and cynicism!



agcB

Even better

well as we are going on the line of sex

my feonce has had this really big grey cat the thing waighs 5 or six killos for years since he was a few months ond and it treater her like its mother. well any way we we just getting in the mood when this really big grey cat jumps on to the bed and started trying to convince su to stroke it. I through it off the bed and carried on. it jumps back on to the bed and starts playing with my foot. gets thrown on the floore againe. it jumps back on the bed and tried to get between us, so it went back on the floore. it then decides that it wants to sit on my shoulder so it went back on the floore (by his angry mommy this time). and for a wile it was behaving itself, untill we had actuly started and it decided to lie in the way and refuse to move, thats when I through it outside.

justso I dont confuse any one this is Bob and prizes will be given to the first persion to tell me who my feance is