h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My Daughter aged then about 18 months and being fond of the Elton John song "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" singing at top volume (a very loud place) in the middle of W.H.Smiths in Fulham
"IT'S SAAAADDDD, SOOOOOO SAAAAADD, IT'S SAAAD SOOOO SAAAD"

By a spooky coincidence, as I was lurking on this thread, chatting to my daughter-in-law on Messenger, she came out with this:

"Yeah, W****e (the best man at their wedding & godfather to youngest rug rat) has just been round and just got in my nighty so I am fine and very comfy now...."

and then wondered why M-I-L was rolling about with tears in eyes

Does the poor lass know you've told us?

*Mrs Red Dog`s Embarrassing Moment No 3*

We moved to Melbourne in 1997 and one of the first things I wanted to do when we got there was to have a drive around a place called Albert Park which is a Formula 1 venue for 2 weeks of the year and a nice park for the 50 other weeks. So like lots of other people I had a fun time driving around the circuit imagining I was driving my Ferrari.

Needless to say Mrs Red Dog was oblivious to all this [not approving of my speed inclinations for many years] and was just enjoying the drive when round a bend came another petrolhead going very very fast tyres squeeling etc. Mrs Red Dog disapproving very much of the other drivers speed exclaimed `what does he think this place is .... this is a park not a racetrack !!!`

A moment I have savoured for the last few years

Car: Skoda, Moi, Car Park, Tree!!!!! Drive up it, would I????

Not sure what's most embarrasing about that one....

I was once overtaken by a skoda.
Now That WAS embarrassing

I remember when I was 18 , I had passed my driving test in october and it was now december and I was involved in my second car accident. The car was a Hillman Imp and I wrote it off coming round a bend too quickly and lost it in a skid.
The car ended up in amongst some trees with branches poking through the roof behind my head. I wasn`t injured at all but went to hospital as someone had called an ambulance.

When I got home later a hi-fi that I had ordered had arrived so...I unpacked all the boxes, polystyrene all over the floor with bubble wrap everywhere when the doorbell rings. Its my boss- come to see if I`m all right! I had to keep him out in the hallway as I couldn`t invite him into the front room with all that gear all over the floor! What with me being off work and recovering from the `accident`. Very uncomfortable. Mind you, I remember another incident with my first girlfriend- but no that wouldn`t be appropiate here. Tastefull dignity must be maintained.

Come on, we want to hear about your embarrassing incident with your first girlfriend. We can't have it that its just me and agcB who keep posting embarrassing stories that involve sex.

Yeah Bornonthe20thaugust ...... this is not the thread for tasteful dinginty . You`re amongst friends here - trust us

Trust YOU RD?

Hey it`s Tefkat my Cat friend . Yeah OK fair point ..... I did get most of youir team with the Curiositizer after all

O.k., o.k. you`ve twisted my arm.
This was some time ago, we were both virgins when we met and had only been together a few weeks or so and my understanding of the female cycle/biology was very limited. Anyway one night after lenghy foreplay (about 30 secs.) I had noticed something different about her genital area, namely some string?! I ignored it and ploughed on regardless.
(So to speak.) The next day she asked me if I had noticed anything? Specifically she couldn`t remember whether she had used one tampon or two (knowing her cycle was due.) and was worried that she had `lost` one. I feigned ignorance which was not far from the truth and we never spoke of it again.
Thinking back on those first furtive fumblings reminds me how terrible the sex was between us (for both of us) and how a little experince go`s a long way to making it a lot better. Key words here are relax & slowly.
Well-- you did ask.....

Were you driving a Ferarri at the time?

I WAS that Skoda Driver.....

Pulled up next to a Gleaming Red Ferarri at the lights, revving its Engine ,so I thought - what the heck its not every day you get a chance to race a Ferarri, so I revved too - not that you could hear my Engine over the throaty growl of the Ferrari's!!

We looked across at each other, smiled (or rather he glared & I sort of grinned insanely) and looked back at the road....

The lights went to Amber - the revving got worse -- all of a sudden the lights were Green and we're off!!!!! Or rather I am - Couldn't see him anywhere - to the front, to the side - then I saw him, pounding the Steering wheel of his Kangarooed Car, which he appeared to have stalled....... HeHeHE!!!!

I used to get a lift to work from a chum who had a Mk III Cortina GLX .... fast(ish) but a little bit temperamental on account he didn`t maintain it too well. One cold winters morning we pulled out of my road onto the dual carriageway and as we started to climb a hill it coughed and spluttered a bit and started to slow down rapidly. As this was happening a light blue Invalid carriage overtook us in the fast lane. I swear I could see the grinning driver mouthing the words "thank you God, thank you" whilst hearing my friend shout "No ! Please God No !" at the same time

Two nice car stories there and a round of applause for Bornonthe20thaugust

After walking my parent's dogs for an hour around a nice big park, believing they had completed all of their *ahem* business (scooped and deposited before anyone rants at me) we headed off home. It seems that the little boy dog wasn't finished at all but was just waiting to find that perfect spot, which turned out to be a traffic island on a very busy road. Oblivious to his owner he delivered his package in full view of all the people driving past whilst I had some stupid 'Isn't he a pest but don't worry I'll pick it up' look on my face. WHY THERE? Why not somewhere a bit less public? I asked him but he declined to comment.

I once threw up in church one Sunday morning after a huge pissup. It wasn't the nicest sight in the world.

Ah, throwing up...

When I was about 8 years old and feeling a bit ill at one of my mother's dinner parties her boss asked me if I was feeling OK. I said no and threw up all over her

My daughter & her ex-boyfriend made the mistake of going to a Motorhead concert on his 18th Birthday. Did he go red when Lemmy stopped the show to wish him a Happy Birthday?

Then he had the cheek to accuse me of setting him up


GW - innocently