h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let us move forward, not backward.
Upward, not forward.
And all the while twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom!

38-J

JOTD: I was the teacher's pet. She couldn't afford a dog.

Homer:
We have a saying about water here in Springfield...
If it's brown, drink it down! If it's black, send it back!

Mr. Burns: Smithers, release the flying monkeys. Fly, my pretties, fly!

* the monkeys all fall out of the window *

Mr. Burns: Smithers, continue the research.

Homers fantasy of winning the lottery. He walks into the plant cafeteria, twelve feet tall and glowing like the sun.

Lenny: "Hey Homer, there's something different about you...did you get a haircut?"

Homer: "No."

Lenny: "Oh waaait, now I see. You're the biggest man in the world. And you're covered in gold."

*Homer is Mr X, and the people on the bar are all talking about who is Mr X*

Mo : "If Mr X were here I'd give him a free beer"
Homer : "Mo, can you keep a secret?"
Mo : "No."
Homer : "Not even a little one?"
Mo : "NO I tell you!"

Flanders: If it's clear and yeller, you got juice there, feller!
If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town!
Now of course there are exceptions.... (rambles on...)
Homer's Brain: You can stay, but I'm going.
noise of brain making good its escape

Flanders: except in Canada where the whole thing's flipflop!

Homer collapses

Homer: But I can't go to church this morning - I've too much to do around the bed!

THe Church has been blown up [in humourous circumstances naturally!] so Mr Burns decides to run it as a business, with help from a fellow businesswoman

Business woman: 'We're rebranding it. The old Church was skewing pious, we prefer a faith based emporium teeming with impulse buying item.'

Lisa: I feel like I'm going to throw up

BW: Then my work here is done

Lisa [to Homer]: Why does Jesus have a lassoo?

Homer: Because he's all man!

Homer : There's the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Lisa: Isn't that the same as the wrong way?
Homer: Yes - only faster!

Homer blows up the church and Marge responds:

'That's the worst thing you have EVER done!'

Homer: You've said that so many times, it's lost all meaning.'

* think one word says it all *

Homer : "Doh!"

To beer, the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems

* duff gardens *

Jingle in the back ground : "Duff beer for me, duff beer for you. I have a duff you have one too."

From the ep. where Santa's Little Helper needs an operation, and the whole family has to eat chubs and Spam to save money

Homer: (eyeing Santa's Little Helper's food dish)
" Why does he get to eat meat and we don't?"

Marge: " You don't want what he's eating, it's mostly snouts and entrails"

Homer: "mmmm... snouts"

Oh, and has anyone else noticed that Mr. Burns's house is located at the intersection of Croseus and Mammon?

Never noticed that!

Duffman: And now - the local lug who fills *your* mug with the drug you chug - Moe Scyzlak!

*Homer, Lenny and Carl take off their shirts - their bellies spell 'Moo'*

Carl: See, this is what happens when you skip rehearsal.

Homer: [on being informed of the waiting period for buying a gun]

"FIVE DAYS?!? But I'm mad NOW!"

*Homer on missionary work, talking to Marge over the phone while getting high off licking toads*

Lisa : "Are you licking toads Dad?"
Homer : "I'm not, not licking toads."

Homer is dreaming, that Bart has replaced Homer in Marge's affections: Homer is a head on the wall.

Bart: 'He [Homer} thought that the guillontine factory was just for fun, but it was the perfect cover....to shoot him'

There is continuation to the line posted by Eagle 1, of homer feeling under a sofa, "Ouch, pointy. Eugh, slimy. uh-oh, moving" Homer finds something, pull it out " Hey 20 bucks, what can I get for 20 bucks" voice inside Homers head replies "20 dollers can get u lots of penuts"
Homer: "mmmmmm Penuts, aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" 20 bucks fly oot the windae.