h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(Examines pictures in )



Madam President, if you ever hire any interns, for 's sake keep 'em away from the Vice-President.

Perhaps we should just call him 'the Vice'?

*picks up a lying on the steps outside the entrance*

Oh my, Hatstand, look what we missed! If you'd just got home earlier last night... poor Orchid!

What do you mean 'Poor Jodan'!?

Oh, alright, I suppose so. But he could've been kinder.

See that bit?! My, oh my. And that? Yeah, well, that's true enough.

The Pres looks good in that one, elegant. Bit squiffy in that one though. Look... little black numbers, pumpkin spiked hair, yellow shirts, orange ties, lavender leotards... you're going to look a right stick.

Of course we're going in! Urged Shinier Viaduct is here - he's another stick. You can talk to him about architecture, that'll be safe enough. And the seal's not here to pass on salacious stories.

Don't just stand there...

*enters with the Hatstand*

The Hatstand has made a real effort, having donned a bow tie and a black dinner jacket on a hanger. The Minister for Feathered Affairs is masquerading in human form, wearing something long, full and the colour of cobwebs under a lightweight hooded dark cape. It's edged with irridescent starling feathers (spare ones) and held together with a clasp that looks very much like a bat. (It is one, and is quite happy being a clasp for the time being.) Her mask is black, trimmed in long midnight green ostrich feathers (also spare) with small silvery spiders (also happy) caught in the vanes.

They move towards the President, who is in deep discussion with her Spinmeister. The Hatstand lifts a jacket sleeve to shake hands while the Minister gives the President a quick hug, accidentally shedding a spider.

Congratulations again on your election, Madame President, and apologies for being so late. I think we'd best leave you to your spinning, looks like a big job.

We need to find food and I need to find the VP to sort out access to my office.

Hugs Waz back in spite of the spiders.

Afraid I'm going to have to leave again. Lightning very close. Need to turn off the computer.

Continue with your dancing and conversation. Just make yourselves at home.

*Totters in* Is there a prize for the latest arrival? Can I have it?

*Immediately collapses into a chair. Attempts to collapse. The truth is that Sol had a yen to see if all that nonsense about corsets was really as bad as they say and so has spent most of the ball being laced into one the tightest examples of the species going. Her waist is now a modest 21 inches. Her bustle is enourmous - that didn't require much padding, sadly - and her bust has seemingly doubled over night. That's where all the displaced flesh went. Apparently. Her boots are small and button at the front. She has feathers in her hair and her fan.*

*Unfortuneately it seems that tight lacing and bustles do not make for sitting down with ease. After approaching the chair from different angles, Sol gives up and leans against the wall fanning herself furiously.*

*Mr. D also leans against the wall and fans himself... the sight of women in tight corsetry always flusters the poor man.*

*Sneaks in the back way, hoping not to be noticed.*

Doesn't work so she says; "Hello, all. Sorry to be so late, but had trouble making flight connections out of Possum Bluff."

I did manage to catch a glimpse of Hyp on my way in. She looked lovely, as usual.

Sorry I missed the seal/whale encounter. Must have been fun!

Crikey does wearing that hurt

*Grits teeth. Projects best 'I am a matyr' aura.*

Yes. *Pathetically whimpered*

*Waves limply at Mr D.* A cool glass of something would be just delightful. *Flutters eyelashes*

*Overhears some gossipy partygoers discussing the great Jodan and thinks that she has definitely tarheted the wrong male for chief runner abouter and supplier of, er, nibbles here...*

*pops in*

Hello everyone. Hope I didn't miss too much last night.

I have three nibbles

No, you didn't miss much. However, if you see a killer whale with red eyes and a pink se(a)quined gown, tell her I'm off in business in Ohio

Still in trouble, eh? I hope this has taught you some sort of invaluable lesson. I'm not sure what in, but to justify this amount of property damage, you're going to have to prove it was in a good cause.

Good Evening, Mr Vice-President.
I'm afraid that the whale is emotionally indisposed.
However, we can do you a deranged albatross if you like.

There should be dancing. I don't see any dancing. Why isn't there dancing?

Lady C. So glad you could make it.

Ah Bagpuss nice to see you again

*Hands Bagpuss a beer*

Last night went ok, apart from Jodan's love Quadrangle

Good Evening to you, too, Madam President.

Would you care to blow on this dog-whistle?

*takes beer*

Good to see you, too Reefgirl. How're you doing today?

Hello Vic. Did you get poor Orchid safely back to the Pier?

Dog whistle. Is it tuned to ay particular frequency? Say hound, for example?

I'm fine ta Bagpuss, hows life in the cushion office?, the rumour mill is working overtime with our VP and his Harem

Spot on, Ma'am.
The rest of us seem to be having little success with hound-summoning.
Perhaps the Top Dog might do better?