A Conversation for Red Dwarf
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian Posted Apr 13, 2003
*colonel walks in* Well what is going wrong this time? *spots Rimmer and snaps off salute*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Ace Rimmer [pretending] Posted Apr 13, 2003
*looks out window at closing big, SOLID, hard and painful asteroid*
If it is, I dont like it.
*walks up to a console and types:*
HOL/ENG-PASSWORD OVERRIDE
ENG/IGNITE
IGNITE/COUNT-SUBMIT COUNT=20 MINS
IGNITECOUNT/REPORT- IGNITION SEQUENCE READY FOR COUNTDOWN-SUBMIT ORDER FOR ENGINE IGNITION
INITIATE IGNITION SQEUENCE:
*A loud official voice echoes over the ship*
IGNITION IN 20 MINUTES AND COUNTING
Right now heres the bad news; I know how to start the engines, but we have 19 mins and 45 seconds to figure out how to turn!
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian Posted Apr 13, 2003
Eeerrr*colonel turns round and leaves bridge*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian Posted Apr 13, 2003
*colonel walks in holding huge bazooka, which he puts down, wearing armored spacesuit and carrying a case of ammunition* Permisson to go in Blue Midget to blow that asteroid up, Sir.
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted Posted Apr 13, 2003
well who switched the engines off?
why did the back up not kick in when the main engines failed?
do we have back up engines?
Rimmer you are dead already, what does it feel like?
do you think there is time to get 
before it hits?
And why so many questions?
look on the bright side, if we were moving forward it would take us 3 years to turn around -
actually if we were going forward we would have crashed already.
Could somebody get out and 'push'?
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Ace Rimmer [pretending] Posted Apr 13, 2003
That is compresses iron/nickel-and 2000 tonnes of it!
A bazooka aint gonna do that much to it, help me figure out how to turn itstead.
*Rimmer has just understood that the steering wheel in the center of the bridge is just there for decoration*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian Posted Apr 13, 2003
Yes it will Sir. This ammo I've got here will stike and (as long as that asteroid is no more than 2km across) will quite literally make it implode, Sir.
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted Posted Apr 13, 2003
hang on guys, dont ignite both engines, if you ignite only the port or the starboard engine, rather than a straight reverse which would keep us in the path of the big hurty thing, we would turn round - yeah?
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Ace Rimmer [pretending] Posted Apr 13, 2003
*Realizes the asteroid is 2,64 km across, also realizes that/
/5 MINUTES TO IGNITION/
...There is no other option.
GO COLONEL, HURRY!
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian Posted Apr 13, 2003
Sure. *colonel 
s out of bridge*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Ace Rimmer [pretending] Posted Apr 13, 2003
I dont know the console commands for that, I only remebered this part from "astronavigation for dummies"
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Ace Rimmer [pretending] Posted Apr 13, 2003
*the Red dwarf egnines ignite, the scanners show impact with asteroid in circa 10 mins*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted Posted Apr 13, 2003
shame, if it was canoeing i could do it. but you have to admit the theory was good - unlike your exam paper
*stops laughing when she realises this isnt a joking situation and decides to save the rest of the 'laughing at Rimmers failed astronavigation engineers exam later*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted Posted Apr 13, 2003
You are dead, it cant hurt you stand up and be a man about it...
*hides behind Rimmer*
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian Posted Apr 13, 2003
Target vaporized. Permission to come back aboard.
The Red Dwarf Bridge
Ace Rimmer [pretending] Posted Apr 13, 2003
*the asteroid blows up after a red flash hits it from BM*
*Rimmer stands up*
Good one gentlemen, thanks for your support, of course hadn't it been for my brilliant leadership... things would have ended a lot different.
Key: Complain about this post
The Red Dwarf Bridge
- 181: Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian (Apr 13, 2003)
- 182: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 183: Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian (Apr 13, 2003)
- 184: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 185: Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian (Apr 13, 2003)
- 186: Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted (Apr 13, 2003)
- 187: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 188: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 189: Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian (Apr 13, 2003)
- 190: Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted (Apr 13, 2003)
- 191: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 192: Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian (Apr 13, 2003)
- 193: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 194: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 195: Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted (Apr 13, 2003)
- 196: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
- 197: Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted (Apr 13, 2003)
- 198: Mort - a middle aged Girl Interrupted (Apr 13, 2003)
- 199: Commander Xerxes Thamian Meridian (Apr 13, 2003)
- 200: Ace Rimmer [pretending] (Apr 13, 2003)
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