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Sex is something most people are interested in and television programme makers have given us some entertaining couplings in the science fiction world of Star Trek. Human captain James T Kirk is such a notorious lothario that his romances warranted their own Edited Entry. Here are a few examples of aliens getting it on with humans or different aliens (for the reader's entertainment purposes only).

Android Amour

I am programmed in multiple techniques, a broad variety of pleasuring.
– Data's response to Tasha Yar's query about his abilities

Lieutenant Commander Data the android was unique, therefore when it came to romance he had no choice but to look to other species. He had a sexual encounter with the gorgeous Security Chief Tasha Yar when the Enterprise-D crew were affected by an alien virus which rendered them uninhibited. Although he was ordered to forget it ever happened by the highly-embarrassed Lieutenant Yar, he kept the holographic goodbye-message recording which was played at her funeral among his prized personal possessions. In a later episode the Enterprise-D crew encountered Tasha's sister Ishara on her violent homeworld Turkana IV. Data fell for her charms, believing her to be genuinely interested in joining Starfleet, but she was exploiting her family connections to manipulate her new friends into helping her faction gain an advantage over a rival gang.

Enterprise-D Security Officer Lieutenant Jenna D'Sora became attracted to Data while on the rebound from a previous relationship. Although Data was unable to return her feelings, he nevertheless was interested in human relationships and the chance to actually participate in one was too hard to resist. He sought advice from other crewmates, including his best friend Geordi La Forge, Captain Picard, Commander Riker, Lieutenant Worf, ship's counsellor Deanna Troi and the wise bartender Guinan, whose answers all conflicted with each other. Determined to give it a go, Data created a special programme with sub-routines to assist him in the developing relationship. His by-the-book approach caused conflict between the pair and Jenna realised that she needed more emotional input, something which Data could not provide. When she decided to end the relationship, Data deleted the romance programme and went about his business.

The Romantic Q

Foreplay with a Q can last for decades.
– Q attempts to seduce Janeway

The omnipotent alien Q, played by John de Lancie, starred in quite a few of the different Trek formats. In most appearances he's tormenting Captain Picard, insulting Riker, baiting Worf, fending off the ire of Guinan and once even turned the nagging Dr Beverly Crusher into a barking dog. Q did have a romantic streak though. The episode 'The Q and the Grey' involves the crew of the starship Voyager taking a visit to the Q Continuum and becoming embroiled in what seems to be a battle during the American Civil War. There's a female Q¹ to contend with, a cute Red Setter puppy and a Bridge full of roses in this highly-entertaining episode. We get to glimpse the object of Q's desire (the usually pristine, impeccably-coiffured, uniform-clad Captain Kathryn Janeway) déshabillé with long auburn hair cascading around her shoulders setting off a rather fetching pink satin nightgown. And naked in her bubble bath! Even though Q showed Janeway a view of Earth's Moon from her quarters in the Delta Quadrant, she still turned him down. She did get to watch the Q mating ritual though, but disappointingly it was all over in a flash.

Holosex

What happens on the holodeck stays on the holodeck.
– Anon

Some starships had holodecks, an advanced form of simulator providing a totally realistic virtual world. There were rules about what could not be created, such as fellow crewmembers (Lt Barclay's holo-addiction to reimagining his colleagues was successfully treated). Obviously there was a strict etiquette about entering another person's holodeck programme without permission, to save embarrassment. The mind boggles, doesn't it. Characters who had affairs with holograms included the off-duty Voyager captain Kathryn Janeway with Irish publican Michael Sullivan, after she had instructed the computer to delete his wife and make him taller.

Minuet was a stunning hologram created by the Bynars to distract the Enterprise-D captain and first officer while they used the starship's computer for their own purposes. Minuet entranced both Picard and Riker – they were so enamoured that they almost lost their starship. While it isn't known for sure if either Riker or Picard (or both) had sex with Minuet, she left enough of an impression in Riker's mind to be singled out as his 'wife' by lonely alien Barash in later episode 'Future Imperfect'.

Seven of Nine scoured the entire Voyager crew roster looking for a suitable mate in the episode 'Someone To Watch Over Me'. Her only date was a disaster as Lt Chapman ended up in sickbay, poor chap. Seven then used the holodeck to practice making out with first officer Commander Chakotay, that is, a holographic rendition of him², thereby breaking the first holodeck rule. Maybe she thought the rules about the holodeck were irrelevant? Seven slept with holograph-Chakotay although bizarrely when she awoke she got out of bed still wearing her long red dress from the previous evening's date.

I've Always Wanted to Make Love with an Alien

Commander William T Riker had an enduring relationship with half-Betazoid/half-human Counsellor Deanna Troi. They called each other Imzadi (soulmate) and eventually married, but when they were on a break Riker had more than his fair share of alien sex. (Deanna had other relationships as well, see 'Wooing Worf'.)

First sexual contact between a human and an alien before official first contact is established is breaking the Prime Directive, but in some circumstances you have to wonder, what would Spock do? Riker was gathering information on an away mission on Malcor III, and as it was prior to first contact, he had been surgically altered to resemble a Malcorian to enable him to blend in with the locals. Unfortunately Riker was injured and taken to the Sikla Medical Facility where his ruse was uncovered. Riker was now a prisoner and facing torture at the Malcorian equivalent of Area 51, but a friendly nurse called Lanel offered to help him escape in exchange for him fulfilling her lifelong desire to make love with an alien. Riker tried to worm his way out of the situation with his dignity intact, protesting that it wasn't that simple, there were... differences, but it was obvious that Lanel wasn't going to be put off and she got to tick off number one on her bucket list. Vive la différence!

Riker almost lost his commission over his love for a member of the J'naii, a race which used to have two genders but then evolved into being non-gender. The androgynous people lived harmoniously but a few of them who leaned towards a specific gender were considered retrograde throwbacks and, if caught, were forcibly reconditioned by the government. Soren's feelings for Riker prompted her to declare that she was secretly female. Encouraged by Riker, Soren started a rebellion in the hope that others would come out as specific genders. Their affair was discovered, and as sexual relations were forbidden in J'naii society, Soren was arrested. Although Riker and Worf attempted to free her in a black op, they were too late. Soren had already been cleansed of her female yearnings and no longer loved Riker, so he and Worf returned to the Enterprise-D.

Wooing Worf

I would require a Klingon woman for... 'companionship'. Earth females are too fragile.
– Worf's response to Guinan querying why he drinks alone

One regular Trek character who appeared in both The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine was Klingon Security Officer Worf. Orphaned when he was very young, Worf was raised by a human couple, which is why he was more polished than other Klingons. He respected Klingon traditions though, so his personality was a fascinating mix of the two races. His first romance of sorts was when Federation Ambassador K'Ehleyr, a half-Klingon/half-human female, came aboard the Enterprise-D on a diplomatic mission. They spent some quality time together on the holodeck, during which he squeezed her hand so hard that her fingernails dug into her palm, drawing the blood which excited Worf. During their post-coital discussion she refused to take the Klingon oath with him (effectively refusing his hand in marriage), and Worf was deeply offended. She thought it unnecessary as the old ways were old fashioned, whereas he was a strict traditionalist. They parted but the sexual encounter bore fruit in the character of Alexander. After his mother's death, young Alexander spent time aboard the Enterprise-D and Worf asked Counsellor Deanna Troi to be the child's guardian in case anything should happen to him. Deanna's mother Lwaxana Troi welcomed the boy as part of her extended family and lost no opportunity to lead him astray especially if it wound Worf up.

Towards the end of the Next Generation series, Deanna Troi and Worf had developed a romantic relationship - in fact they are seen kissing at the start of the very last television episode 'All Good Things...'. We had seen Deanna Troi and Worf as a couple in previous episodes, most notably when Worf was being bounced between different versions of himself on his birthday. In one quantum reality they were a married couple with two children but she had no idea who Alexander was. The scenes when they were a couple were fascinating. She suited being Worf's wife very well indeed, especially when teasing him, being touchy-feely and gently brushing his long hair. When Worf got back to his correct reality he pleasantly surprised the unsuspecting Deanna with an offer of Champagne to celebrate his birthday, after she had expected him to want to hurt himself with pain-sticks³. In the episode 'Genesis', while Worf was de-evolving into a primeval Klingon, he bit Deanna on the cheek to taste her blood and mark her as his mate. Unfathomably, proto-human Riker went after Livingston the lionfish in the captain's ready room. Deanna de-evolved into an amphibian life-form and spent the rest of the episode totally submerged in her bath⁴, thus avoiding godzilla-Worf's sexual intentions. Star Trek author Peter David developed the Worf/Deanna relationship further in his novel Imzadi II: Triangle.

Worf joined Deep Space Nine in its fourth season. Jadzia Dax, a Trill host, was fascinated by all things Klingon but even she found Worf hard work. He was a tough nut to crack but eventually they got together – much to the consternation of Dr Julian Bashir, who patched up their injuries⁵ even though he secretly carried a torch for the delectable Jadzia himself. She braved a tough endurance test to win the approval of Worf's Klingon family, and their wedding, when both bride and groom wore red leather, was a magnificent affair celebrated by all. Alas, tragedy struck when Jadzia was killed by Cardassian renegade Gul Dukat – although Dr Bashir managed to save her symbiont Dax, which was later implanted into Ezri. Worf and Ezri Dax had some unfinished business which they took care of during a dangerous situation in season seven, the final season. This sets both of them free and Ezri Dax eventually gets together with Dr Bashir, but that's a story for another time.

Smokin' Sex

Dr Beverly Crusher née Howard was at her sexual peak when having a passionate relationship with an anaphasic life-form called Ronin, whom she met on Caldos II following the death of her grandmother Felisa. Ronin had kept 20 generations of Howard women happy and Beverly was the next in line. In the form of green smoke he merged with her, eventually turning her blue eyes green, and he loved her like she had never been loved before. She resigned her Star Fleet commission to remain on Caldos II as a healer and looked forward to a blissful future with her secret lover. Ronin rarely appeared in human form; when Captain Picard intruded upon a passionate moment, Beverly looked like she was having a good time all by herself. Only when Ronin responded to Picard's challenge by attacking him was the spell broken – Beverly rejected her ghostly lover, saved Picard and returned to her duties on the Enterprise-D.

Afterglow

Ensign Harry Kim on Voyager didn't have much luck with the ladies in the Delta Quadrant. One black widow species infected him with a virus to alter his body chemistry in order to make him compatable for mating purposes. He managed to escape before suffering the same fate as a fellow 'chosen' male – being sucked dry – which left him a shadow of the man he used to be. Harry also met a Varro female called Tal, and even though direct orders were issued not to have any personal interaction with the Varro crew, they ended up in bed together. He then started to glow, as in his whole skin luminesced, not that he just blushed. It turned out to be the olan'vora (shared heart) and Harry and Tal became biochemically linked⁶. So, not only did the entire crew find out about the illicit liaison, he couldn't hide his affliction from the Bridge officers either. Although ordered by Captain Janeway to end the relationship, Harry was unable to stay away from Tal. He beamed her aboard a shuttle and they went off to explore a nearby nebula before going their separate ways. Although Janeway made allowances for Harry's rebellious behaviour due to the alien infection, the romantic adventure still earned him his first official reprimand.

How to Attract a Female Klingon

Klingon women are renowned throughout the galaxy for their voracious sexual appetites.
– #1 conversation topic among male cadets at Star Fleet Academy

Riker once served aboard the Pagh, a Klingon Bird-of-Prey, as part of a cultural exchange. During a meal with his new crewmates, a Klingon female called Vekma states that Riker isn't very attractive but she will still have him, while licking her lips. Another female then makes eyes at him and Riker is told that they are inquisitive as to how he would endure [sex with a Klingon female], to which Riker responds: 'One or both?' eliciting laughter all round. This scene is notable for Riker not performing his 'Riker manoeuvre' - getting his leg over a chair. If you've missed it, check out the YouTube clips. He does it as often as Picard pulls down his uniform jacket.

The Talaxian called Neelix, who looked rather like a humanoid hedgehog, fancied his chances with Klingon female Ch'Rega who visited Voyager, but she only had eyes for Lt Harry Kim. After giving her the run-around, the exhausted Harry is finally cornered but Neelix comes to his rescue by pretending to beat him up. Disgusted by Harry's genuflecting, the sex-hungry Ch'Rega turns her attention to Neelix. They have a smashing time together, wrecking Lt Tuvok's quarters in the process.

When Worf joined the crew of Deep Space Nine his interest was piqued by a Klingon widow called Grilka, but she was involved in a marriage-of-convenience with the Ferengi barkeeper Quark, who happened to be in love with her himself. Once Worf got over the shock, he taught Quark how to woo Grilka in a role worthy of Cyrano de Bergerac. Quark ended up in the Infirmary with broken bones, but his massive smile split his face from lobe to lobe.

One very significant character in Voyager was Chief Engineer Lt B'Elanna Torres, a feisty personality who didn't want to 'show weakness' by falling in love, so she kept everyone at arm's length. She had a Klingon mother called Miral and a human father, John Torres, whose marriage had failed due to his inability to cope with his young daughter being so much like her mother. B'Elanna blamed herself for his desertion of them and assumed it was due to her Klingon features, which she came to hate. She fended off the advances of a Vidiian named Sulan, Vulcan crewman and fellow engineer Vorik, and the adolescent Icheb, a Brunali who had been rescued first from the Borg and then from his own parents when they tried to send him back to the Borg. It took a very determined human, Lt Tom Paris, many months and a very close encounter with death to get her to admit she had feelings for him. They eventually married; their baby girl Miral Paris was born just as Voyager returned to the Alpha Quadrant in the final episode.

Possible Partners, Probable Outcomes

Two regular characters who joined the crew of Voyager in the Delta Quadrant were the Ocampan Kes, a very attractive humanoid girl, and her boyfriend, Neelix. They had a platonic relationship because Kes was too young to mate. The Ocampan race are a short-lived species, living up to nine human years, but their growth is exponential. Kes was only one year old when she joined Voyager, even though she looked like a teenage girl. Neelix exhibited jealousy towards Lt Tom Paris when Kes and Paris became friendly, so we know he harboured sexual thoughts about Kes, but when she went through premature elogium (she went into heat, and thought it was her only chance to have a child), he balked at her offer of fathering her baby. Just when she persuaded him to go through with it, it was discovered that her elogium was a false alarm so they had no need to rush into parenthood.

Kes saved Neelix's life when she donated one of her own lungs to him after his had been stolen by the Vidiians. When Neelix and Tuvok were transporting an alien orchid, symbiogenesis occurred between the characters, producing the hybrid Tuvix. Although he was eventually accepted by the rest of the crew, Tuvix's offer of a relationship with Kes was refused. She begged Captain Janeway to attempt to separate them because she missed Neelix so much, even though success meant the death of Tuvix. By the third season Kes had outgrown Neelix; they remained good friends but were no longer affectionate with each other.

In the episode 'Before and After', Kes awakes as an old woman, but doesn't recognise her family - grandson Andrew and daughter Linnis. Her affectionate husband (Tom Paris) doesn't appear to have changed much, although his hair has thinned on top. Linnis' husband is Harry Kim, and he hasn't changed physically at all, although he is much more confident. The Doctor had been treating the nine-year-old Kes for her forgetfulness in a bio-temporal chamber but her cells entered a state of temporal flux. In effect she began living her life backwards, able to interact with the crew at certain significant events of her life, but unable to control the next shift backwards in time. Kes relives giving birth to Linnis - from a pouch in her back, in case you were wondering, and her relationship with Tom Paris. She eventually persuaded the crew about what was happening, and they tried to prevent further jumps. Kes did manage to affect events in the past, including preventing the deaths of Captain Janeway and B'Elanna Torres, which had the secondary effect of obliterating her chance of a love life with Tom Paris. She bounced back in time all the way to her conception, before being brought round in Sick Bay and normal time. The possible future Kes lived through didn't happen, so Linnis and Andrew exist only in her memory.

Romulan, Romulan, Wherefore Art Thou

The Romulans are descendants of rebel Vulcans who ventured out into space many thousands of years ago and settled on the twin planets Romulus and Remus, along with many other settlements and outposts scattered throughout what is now known as the Romulan Star Empire. The highly secretive warrior race developed a cloaking device for their warships which the Federation wanted to acquire, whatever the cost, so they could adapt its technology. Kirk (disguised as a Romulan) and the undisguised Spock⁷ managed to board a Romulan battle cruiser to search for its cloaking device. Spock and the Romulan female commander shared some highly intimate time alone together, enjoying tracing the outline of each other's hands with their fingers. This was probably the Romulan prelude to sex, but we can only guess, as there's less about Romulan sex in the Star Fleet Medical database than there is about the Pon farr. While Spock was using his considerable charm to distract the Romulan commander, Kirk managed to steal the cloaking device.

Yar Kidding, Right?

Security Chief Lt Tasha Yar was killed in our timeline but when a temporal rift brought the Enterprise-C 22 years forward in time, our reality changed, Tasha's replacement Worf vanished and Tasha was at her station. In order to restore the timeline, the Enterprise-C had to be sent back to its own time, to continue their battle with the Romulans. Knowing she should really be dead, Tasha chose to return with the crew of the Enterprise-C as she and Lt Castillo, the new captain of the Enterprise-C, had fallen in love. We have no official information on what happened next as the timeline reverted to the one we know once the rift was sealed. However, we can choose to accept the story of a blonde half-Romulan officer called Sela, who claimed that she was born to Tasha Yar when she was the concubine of a Romulan commander, or not. Most Trek fans believe Tasha would have chosen death before dishonour, and we've seen her fight. Sela was most likely a clone created using Tasha's DNA after she was killed at her station on board the Enterprise-C, for reasons known only to the Romulans.

Courting Cardassians

Cardassians are best left to their own devices; the relationships with other species that we know of did not end well. Gul Dukat's daughter Tora Ziyal was the result of his relationship with a Bajoran female called Tora Naprem. This wasn't a love match – the Cardassians were occupying Bajor at the time and the commanders were known to take what they wanted. The half-Bajoran girl was not accepted on Cardassia Prime so she ended up living on Deep Space Nine under the care of Bajoran Major Kira Nerys. The only other Cardassian who lived on Deep Space Nine, the tailor Elim Garak, fell in love with Tora Ziyal and they were planning a life together when she was killed by the leader of the Cardassian Union Glinn Damar.

Some species are known to change their appearance to get what they want. Cardassians are no exception, for example, Seska was surgically altered to appear Bajoran to infiltrate the Maquis. Another member of the Maquis, Chakotay, began a relationship with Seska; she cooked him the best mushroom soup he had ever tasted, apparently. She kept up her disguise long after they were both serving aboard Voyager in the Delta Quadrant, although one wonders why the usually-thorough holographic Doctor didn't notice her Cardassian DNA. The duplicitous Seska defected to the Kazon and reverted back to her original looks. She had a baby boy which she said was Chakotay's, but he turned out to belong to Culluh, the Kazon First Maje whom Seska had hooked up with. During a failed attempt to take control of Voyager Seska was killed but Culluh managed to escape with the first Kazon-Cardassian child.

Another Cardassian who altered his appearance was Gul Dukat. He chose to look like a Bajoran to worm his way into the affections of Kai Winn, the Bajoran religious leader, and seduce her. As 'Anjohl', Dukat managed to manipulate Kai Winn into freeing the Pah-wraiths (false Prophets) who had been banished to the fire caves on Bajor by The Prophets. When Kai Winn eventually realised she had been duped by her hated enemy Dukat she tried to undo the harm she had done but was consumed by fire in the process.

Deep Space Nine barkeeper Quark loved the ladies, and he wasn't particular about what size, colour, shape or even species they were. He wasn't averse to using manipulation or even blackmail to get what he wanted. Being a typical Ferengi male he didn't shirk from profiting out of his love affairs, either. He admitted that he had lost the love of his life, a Cardassian female called Natima Lang, when she found out that he had used her personal access codes to steal from her government. They did meet up again and she admitted that she still loved him, but rather than accept Quark's offer to remain on Deep Space Nine with him, she chose to rejoin the Cardassian dissident movement.

One confident and sexy Cardassian female, a scientist called Gilora Rejal, propositioned Chief of Operations Miles O'Brien when they were working together aboard Deep Space Nine. Although flattered, Miles had to turn down her offer as he was happily married to Keiko. Gilora didn't see this as a problem, telling him she was fertile and could provide him with many healthy children. Still he managed to resist temptation and upon leaving for Cardassia she informed him that his wife was a lucky woman and gave him a kiss to remember her by.

Faint Heart ne'er won Fair Maiden

Rom was not your average Ferengi male. Almost always kowtowing to his bullying older brother Quark, he nevertheless stood up to his sibling when it mattered, like defending his son Nog's wish to enter Star Fleet Academy. Rom was attracted to Leeta, a beautiful Bajoran who worked in Quark's Bar as a Dabo girl, but he didn't think he stood a chance due to his brother's condescending opinion that he was punching above his weight. Rom almost lost her forever when Dr Lewis Zimmerman visited Deep Space Nine and the more-confident man practically whisked Leeta off her feet, persuading her to accompany him back to Jupiter Station. The thought of losing her forced Rom to declare his love for Leeta just as they were leaving and she chose to stay with Rom. There then followed a disagreement over Ferengi marital law and they split up. Both miserable but unable to resolve the cultural issues, Rom ended up giving away all his latinum to the Bajoran orphans charity so that the financial obstacle to their union would be removed. Rom and Leeta were married by Ben Sisko on board Deep Space Nine with Rom's son Nog acting as Best Man. A couple of years later, Rom was inaugurated as Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance and as his wife Leeta became the foremost Bajoran First Lady of Ferenginar.

When Ensign Wesley Crusher was seeking advice on how to woo a visiting alien teenage girl, he asked the maestro, Commander Riker, for his help. Riker asked for the El-Aurian Guinan's assistance and they role-play a seduction routine in Ten Forward. What female wouldn't be swayed by Riker's declaration that you are the most beautiful woman in the galaxy? That he dreams of a galaxy where your eyes are the stars and the universe worships the night? Wesley tries to tell them that it isn't his style, but they are lost in the moment so he leaves them to it.

Come Again?

One species whom the crew of Voyager befriended were the Ramuran. They emit an amnesia-causing pheromone, meaning that any alien species they interact with retain no memory of them after a few hours. Commander Chakotay worked closely with one of their seekers, the very attractive Kellin⁸, and they fell in love after he introduced her to an Earth delicacy called ice cream. After she left Voyager Kellin decided to defect, asking Captain Janeway for asylum so she could be with Chakotay and enjoy ice cream again. The Voyager crew don't remember her but while they are investigating her story Chakotay falls in love with Kellin again. They are happy for a while, but a Ramuran seeker infiltrates Voyager and fires his memory disintegrator at Kellin. This causes her to forget her feelings for Chakotay, and she departs for her ice cream-less world with the seeker. Chakotay spends the time he has left to remember Kellin by cathartically writing down the bitter-sweet experience so he can reminisce at his leisure.

Every Shape You Take

It's sex, Jim, but not as we know it.

Shape-shifter⁹ Odo, Chief of Security on Deep Space Nine, found himself the object of Lwaxana Troi's affections, much to his consternation. His avoidance, of course, only encouraged her romantic endeavours all the more. On finding themselves trapped in a broken-down turbolift and nowhere to escape to, his attitude changed when she offered to accommodate him in her skirt, allowing him to return to his natural liquid state, a viscous orange fluid, safely. The new friends were eventually rescued and she offered him romantic advice about his secret longing for Kira Nerys, something that she had sensed intuitively.

Still, poor Odo couldn't pluck up the courage to tell Nerys how he felt about her, instead suffering silently while he watched her go through several relationships with other men. Sometimes he was privy to a lot more as she spoke openly about her lovers when she considered him just a friend. The more-confident two-centuries-older Odo, whom Nerys met in the episode 'Children of Time', told her of his love and how it had endured the passage of time well beyond her death. They held hands and went to visit her grave together – which caused the religious Nerys no small amount of determination to accept her fate. After Odo plotted their escape to give his younger self a chance with her, he succeeded only in incurring her wrath, but eventually they got together. Trek fans were delighted by the transformation of the stuffy, straight-laced lovesick loner into a great lover, and he did look very suave in a tux. He never failed to surprise her, and with his ability to morph into any shape we're sure their date nights were far from boring. Odo could even pass through Nerys if he wanted to; you could say he was putty in her hands.

Odo and Nerys would have been happy ever after but for his stronger desire to return to the Founders homeworld in the Gamma Quadrant. Proving her love for Odo transcended her own desire, Nerys offered to take him through the wormhole and waved him off as he became part of his people's Great Link. Her sacrifice left her free to take command of Deep Space Nine following the departure of Ben Sisko who had joined The Prophets in the Celestial Temple (the wormhole). The Deep Space Nine series ended there – just as well really, because the scriptwriters would have struggled to top the romantic coupling of Odo and Kira Nerys.

Talk About Bad Timing

Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
– Data wanting to learn more from Mrs Troi in 'Haven'

Betazoid Lwaxana Troi (Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed), is famous throughout the galaxy. Men who met the formidable woman either fell at her feet in worship or quaked in their space boots¹⁰. Ambassador for her home planet Betazed, Lwaxana is the only character whose appearance could make Jean-Luc Picard sortir par la petite porte (or to use the actors' term: exit stage left) and hide out in his ready room drinking Earl Grey tea for the duration of her visits. Revelling in her role of cougar, Majel Barrett was the wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry. Her portrayal of man-hungry Lwaxana made her one of the most memorable recurring characters, with guaranteed drama and embarrassing social interactions. Her seemingly most successful relationship was the marriage to human Starfleet officer Ian Andrew Troi, until his tragic death in 2343 when their daughter Deanna Troi was only seven years old. Thereafter, Lwaxana's romances were classic space soap opera quality; she was either on the lookout for a husband herself or trying to set up a match for her daughter. It was never known when Lwaxana would appear, causing havoc with her psychic abilities and fluctuating hormones affecting other species, and Lwaxana delighted in creating mayhem. Lwaxana travelled everywhere with her tall, thin manservant Mr Homn, whose job it was to carry her extremely heavy luggage and bang the dinner gong of thanks every time a morsel was consumed. Such interruptions stemmed the flow of conversation somewhat, to the consternation of other dinner guests. Mr Homn would not speak, just stand there, quietly imbibing but never missing a bong.

One of Lwaxana's romances was particularly poignant as it involved a member of an alien species who believed in euthanasia at the age of 60, and the object of her affections Timicin was just days away from that particular birthday. Proving that advanced age was no barrier to falling in love and acting rashly, Timicin defied his family and their society's whole way of life to be with his new love Lwaxana on board the Enterprise-D. Their affair caused a diplomatic incident, and when Captain Picard became involved he had to put his personal feelings about suicide to one side in order not to break the Prime Directive about non-interference in other cultures. Eventually the lovers realised they could not be happy knowing the pain they were causing Timicin's family, and together they transported to his home planet Kelon 2 for his 'resolution' (ritual suicide). Lwaxana was by his side for support until his last breath but determined to remain on Kelon 2 to endeavour to start a revolution against the practice of resolution at age 60. It's not known if she succeeded but we would never bet against the fabulous Lwaxana Troi. Timicin was played by multi-talented actor David Ogden Stiers; his scenes with Majel Barrett were heart-wrenching as they portrayed an aged Romeo and Juliet.

Lwaxana turned up on Deep Space Nine in 2371 and affected most of the crew by unknowingly projecting her rampant amorous emotions. One pair who got together were Dr Bashir and Kira Nerys, who were otherwise never a couple in the show, but the actors were actually married in real life. When Lwaxana was treated for her condition, things returned to normal, and she left the space station for her next adventure. She married a Tavnian man called Jeyal and soon conceived a baby, even though she was then well into her sixties. What she didn't know¹¹ was that according to Tavnian custom, girl children were brought up by females, whereas boys were removed from their mothers at birth to be raised by males. After testing showed Lwaxana's baby was male, she fled back to Deep Space Nine where she sought the protection of her friend Constable Odo. They married but it was a ploy to convince Jeyal to renounce his claim to the child. Or was it? The exchange of vows about how they felt about each other sounded pretty convincing. Jeyal believed their love was real and he returned home. Lwaxana knew that she could stay with Odo and be a family if she wanted, but she was wise enough to realise that Odo would never love her the way he loved Kira Nerys. Following the wedding celebrations Lwaxana departed Deep Space Nine for her home planet Betazed to raise her son alone. Odo and Lwaxana's marriage was annulled in 2372.

Friendly Warning

On no account should you accept an Orion animal woman (previously known as 'slave girls') as part-payment or as a gift. There are reports of ship's captains who have lost everything to the wild-haired, green-skinned females who excrete a sex pheromone to take control of their new 'masters'. They then dispose of the hapless victims before returning to the Orion Syndicate with their ill-gotten gains and to be 'sold' or given away again. Only one human male has been known to resist their strong hormonal attraction – Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker. He was a heterosexual man in his prime but he was able to resist the Orion women who attempted to take over the Enterprise thanks to the strong bond he shared with T'Pol.

Vulcan Va Va Voom

Between all the training and the extra shifts in Engineering, I've been looking forward to this all day.
– Trip to his masseuse T'Pol

The science officer aboard Enterprise in Star Trek: Enterprise was a Vulcan female called T'Pol. Vulcans never discuss sex with outsiders, but according to the Star Fleet Medical database Vulcans go through a kind of sickness called Pon farr once every seven years and only mating cures them, otherwise it can be fatal. Over the first few series T'Pol overcame her revulsion of human smells and became on intimate terms with human engineer Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker. What started off with Vulcan massage sessions eventually progressed to a sexual encounter initiated by T'Pol. When Trip expected them to progress to a full-blown relationship, he was informed that she had just wanted to try sex with a human. No doubt his ego was bruised but then Trip thought his luck was in when, out of the blue, T'Pol suggested they visit her home planet Vulcan. He thought it was going to be a meet-the-parents scenario, followed by spending some quality time together complete with some rest and relaxation, but she just wanted his support when going through an arranged marriage (which wasn't consummated). Their on/off relationship was a highlight of the show, particularly the massage scenes and the dream sequences about each other.

Trip and T'Pol's relationship deepened to an emotional level when they discovered that they had a daughter, which came as a complete surprise to T'Pol as she had never been pregnant. It turned out that their DNA had been stolen by the xenophobic extremist group Terra Prime and a clone had been created to further their objective of removing all aliens from Earth. Trip and T'Pol managed to rescue their daughter, the first known alien-human hybrid, and they named her Elizabeth after Trip's deceased sister. However, the baby's condition was not good, and despite Dr Phlox's best efforts, she died. It was thought that her illness was due to species incompatibility, but Dr Phlox performed tests which proved it was a flaw in the cloning procedure which had resulted in her inability to fight the fatal infection. An emotional Trip delivered the news to the grieving T'Pol that there was nothing to prevent a Vulcan and a human conceiving a child – paving the way for the future when the Vulcan Sarek and his human wife Amanda create their son, the enigmatic Spock¹².