h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In a restaurant, when served with a particularly undercooked piece of meat:-

"A good vet would have this back on it's feet".

"Ooh, you look nice for a change!"

Said by my brother-in-laws mother to my gran who is lucky to be alive as my gran had a great right hook!

My mother (in her 60s at the time) was off to play tennis and my grandmother (in her 90s and living with my parents) said to her:

'You aren't going out in a skirt *that* short with *your* legs at *your* age are you?'

The rich go cheap go say rich

'The rich go cheap go say rich ??'
This doesn't make any sense to anyone who paid attention at school. I suggest you use at least some punctuation so we can understand it.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

you see a cute girl in night club so you ask,

"Do you want to dance?"
if she says no

"sorry you misunderstood me, I said you look fat in your pants"

they say an abusive remark is the sure sign of low IQ.

Ah yes, but sometimes it helps if you speak the local language

The next time you're asked for a movie review:

"I didn't believe it was possible for a film to be that bad without J Lo in it."



SC

"Are they your own teeth, or are you breaking them in for a donkey?"

Classic playground stuff.

'You're nothing but an auld coat-hanger'

That is, only fit for hanging clothes on. Used here in Donegal, especially by drunken people when the Gardai refuse to give them a lift home.

come on anway dare start on boxing baboon? youll regret it i warn you

).(

i think both oggie and hamish will like this
"You want sympathy? It's between shit and syphilis in the dictionary"

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience

Somewhere in one of the Workshops (only I can't find it again) there's something like :
"I'm not going to call this sh*t, but as a precaution please don't read it near any watercourses"

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Is a coma something similar to logging in here?

To quote the late Tony Hancock, "My Mother was a rotten Cook but at least her gravy MOVED!!!!"

Out of all the sperms that could have impregnated your mother, are you seriously telling me YOU were the best......you're a walking advertisement for sperm selection...

I thought I saw a loaf of bread with your name on it....when I looked closer though it said "Thick Cut"...


xxElsaxx