h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

watch a friends video he made, and he is very very proud of it and after uve watched it burst out as loud as you can "THAT WAS THE CRAPIEST, STUPIDIST FILM IVE EVER SEE" just to see his reaction.

Go into kfc when its busy, and yell out that the 11 sercret herbs and spices are actually just dried and crumbled dog vomit

That reminds me of a friend of mine, he was out drinking and was on the way home and there was a dead cat at the side of the road. Being he picked it up and took it into a nearby chinese takeaway - slammed it on the counter and shouted - "there thats the last one I'm getting for you tonight!" - and legged it

( , I've heard that story before, but I understand you live on the South Coast so that's not surprising. )

I'd love to just tell one of our customers to fu<k off. Nothing over the top, no losing my cool or anything, just wait til they ask one of the FRAFAQ (Frequently Asked Fu<king Annoying Questions) and just say, in a calm and level manner,
"Fu<k off. I've had enough of your inane stupidity. You are dull, presumptuous (sp?), self satisfied and just...thick. I don't want to talk to you any more so fu<k off. Fu<k off. Fu<k off. Fu<k off. Fu<k off. (etc)".
(Remembers another thread where he should really be posting this)

A work mate and I are going to do a bank job - that's if the end of the world is nigh and there is no hope of any life forms living through the holocaust.

If you were the only lifeforms to live through the holocaust, what would you need the money for?

phone gorge bush and tell him im a sniper who has a gun pointed at his head and any sudens movements....boom

The money side is not important. Pointless but thrilling.

Find some Nazis/BNP/kkk doing a march wait till their on a bridge then drive into knocking them off the bridge ala Blues Brothers.

Actually I would just do the whole of Blues Brothers; Musical numbers, mall trashing and bridge jumping et all

aye, I was going to do that website too... (photos of badly-parked numpties.) Maybe we should collaborate?
as it is, presently I'm satisfied by leaving wildly abusive PostIt's on their windscreens.

murgh... cyclists... wish I had the bother to chase after them and wrestle them to the ground. Possibly in a much scarier physical form than my present one (thinks- some kind of 6ft tall dominatrix-type.)

Laugh, alone and in public.

I'd love to parachute onto the pitch at the World Cup final.

another car thing *sorry* I'd love to drive through a big plate glass window, like they do in the movies, (but with real glass)looks like fun.

I'd like to sky dive, parachute, fly a plane and bunjy jump- too scared of heights.
Sail a boat around the globe- have sea sickness.
Say what I think ALL the time- I'm too nice.

In my local booze shop - locally regarded as the biggest on the planet - they have a bottle of Cognac priced at £875. The day the six numbers come up I'm going to buy it and drink it with dry ginger ale!

Bebel's post reminded me of this apparent Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yeeeeees, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
......"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
....."Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean waaaay over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fu<king stupid to own a computer."


I'd love to go to my local viewpoint nekkid and shout at the top of my lungs "I'M NORMAL!!" Thus proving to all and sundry that my statement is the truth.

Q

i would love to give a speech in binary, this is my name in binary "01001010 01101111 01101110 01100001 01110100 01101000 01100001 01101110"

Stand up right now in my office and yell at the top of my lungs:

"I hate this f***ing job and you're all mad!"

Then grab my coat and storm out.

Sadly, I won't physically do it, it can only happen in my imagination.

Thus proving you are a number and not a name!

Have you guys seen Office Space? I just picked up the DVD this weekend. It's all about how much work sucks and people are stupid. Absolutely hilarious! It's a stress reliever. If you're upset with your jobs, rent it, buy it, watch it. It feels good...

Does it also feel nice like sugar and spice?

One thing that I could do, but haven't:

If we started accessing the internet at home, I've had this insane urge to access the weirdest fetish sites I can find and leave them in the history as a joke to play on my wife. You know, wait for her to find the sites and stew about it until finding out it was a prank.

1. She'd be WAY too mad

2. She might take it a tad too seriously in regards to my mental health.