h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hell's Teeth !

I have never told an untruth in my life !

How dare you suggest such a thing !

This Easter I had to entertain 14 elves, 3 unicorns and one very p*ssed off wyvern. They drank me out of house and home, the b*ggers.

Least you did'nt have a sprite!!!

We banned them after the last time they came - nothing but trouble and cost a fortune in crockery.

True, but some insurance companies cover the cost!!!

If anyone wants them I have still got a pretend set of unbreakable crockery that my sister used to play with. They were my sisters I would never play with such sissy things.

I had heard that some insurance companies cover the costs of damage caused by sprites, goblins, elves and fairies. But their premiums are quite high.

Plus, the little s*ds were incredible rude and coarse and we can do without that sort of behaviour.

Blickybadger - would you accept pretend cash for them?

My uncle used to be a goblin. One day he got on the wrong side of a fairy who turned him into a plain old human.

He called Claims Direct and they told him that goblins where not covered by their policy. Don't think he had life insurance, I let him know he should check his policy.

Insurance Companies can be funny about transmogrification, especially where fairies are concerned. Goblins have always had a hard time getting insurance anyway and generally only Admiral will insure them.

Only in the right circumastances, I'm detecting an element of truth here as well!!!

funny that isn't it

Has me in stitches!!!

(not a lie) I thought the Claims Direct part was great, lmao... I love sarcastic twists in stories, lol... (not lying)



Are you injured???... suffered transmogrification or are just plain lazy and you want some dirt cheap way to pay ya wife to shut it woman???... well you've found the right place... Claims Direct... our policies are well respected in the gates of hell and if you sell your soul to us today, we can give you your money the day before you die... we give you a lump sum of £15 and give you the rest after you die... but seeing as you'll be tortured by demons and sprites for the rest of eternity, your diarie's going to be pretty full, so no nights out with the lads for you...
So call Claims Direct... because WE care!...



Serj

I liked the gladitor version on dead ringers:

Husband to a murdered wife
Father to murdered children
That was until I called Claims direct!!!

it was me behind the grassy knoll!

It was me that did that mucking about on the plane!!!

Lmmfao... nice one there Admiral (not a lie)



I used to clean the nuclear waste facilities at the childrens day care centre... then... for no reason, my arms and legs fell off, my teeth rotted, my eyes fell out and I couldn't move, speak or make any motor functions of any kind... so I called Claims Direct... they connected me to a helpful advisor who could understand my problems... we talked for hours and I never felt a thing... but those naughty people at the nuclear facility did... they felt it in the pocket... as I won £20!!!!!... thanks Claims Direct!!!



Serj

So seriously... in all of the liews everyone's seen here... what was the best????...




Serj

This one

Boll**ks!




Serj