h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Zakkry Johbsor, an alien who looks like a normal human but with neon-blue skin and wearing a very, very loud and obnoxious suit turns away from the monitor he was looking over with a gleam in his eye similar to that of a crooked used car salesman who has just unloaded the worst car on the lot to a poor sap who payed more than he would for a new car. Back to the suit: it's painful to look at. Nearly impossible for anyone to look at him well enough to aim while he's wearing that hideously ugly suit. And then there's the tie. It clashes horribly. It hightens the ugliness of the whole scenario in a way that not even the rattiest plaid design can. He rubs his hands together in the most irritating way possible*

Zakkry-Well, I'm done! I've located the best supplies, and determined which ones we would be better off not taking. If these scientists are half as good at teleportation as they claim to be, then we'll be in the money in no time at all! How ya doin', ABH?

*The Althian Bounty Hunter gives the tentacle-equivalent of a thumbs up, indicating that Stephanie and Tusk have received their messages*

Zakkry-Excellent! RW?

*Robot Warrior-X10.1029, a very sturdy-looking robot with four arms (two constantly with guns, the other two available for other uses but always near guns that it can unholster), constantly active radar and sonar, a jetpack for flight, missile launchers on his shoulders and lazer-capable eyes turns and salutes*

RW-It is hackable. It will take me a bit more time, but I've almost freed The Ancient One from his imprisonment.

Zakkry-Excellent! ON WITH THE SHOW! And keep me posted on the approaching Castle In Space with the wacko scientists, got it? Thanks.

*Flashing a smile that would make fashion experts anywhere wither and die, Zakkry goes to recline on one of the comfy chairs*

Zakkry-Man, it's good to be back in the threads....

*RW turns to Zakkry*

RW-I am finishing the compilation of the file necessary for releasing The Ancient One's true body from beneath the Mountain. Also, The Space Castle of Dr. Greklas has entered visual range, though they are still outside of reasonable teleportation and communication range.

Zakkry-I see....inform Stephanie and Tusk, they'll want to know.

*The motion of the asteroid changes infinitesimally.*

Hey! I was going to say that!

Do asteroids have mouths to speak with? Neat character, BTW. I never would've thought of seperating the asteroid and the prison.

No, I suppose they don't. But this one apparently has a mind of its own which could, presumably, put thoughts into other heads. Seems it put a thought in GL's head, then made us believe it had itself spoken.

Or something like that.

I guess it's not the only one who lost concentration.



Glad you like the character. I couldn't resist adding a bit player and a potential subplot.



I almost also created Lariat Goofus, a prisoner who has the ability to turn himself into a piece of rope with a slipknot at the end. But then I thought he had limited potential.

Well, I dunno. Great ideas come from stupid concepts, I've often noticed. For reference, watch the movie "Nerd Brigade" if you can somehow find a copy of it on the Internet somewhere (I doubt you'll be able to track it down, though).

Asteroid Bill's character description should also lend a few extra layers of complexity to this prison's backstory, which've already given me ideas for future adventures in case I ever get bored. My original idea had been an asteroid that was somehow being held in place through odd gravitational phenomenon, but having it constantly moving outside of the Galaxy could add a new twist to it.

*Stephanie and Tusk enter the Bridge*

Zakkry-Just in time! They're within communications range!

Stephanie-*Cheery* Great! Let's get this show on the road!

*The villains assume their positions as the screen comes on, showing Dr. Harvey's lair*

Stephanie-*Wearing a disturbingly friendly smile* Hello there, whiz kids. Nice to get the chance to meet you all. We're a little behind schedule as The Ancient One's prison cell had a few more security measures than we anticipated, but we're almost through. Now then,-

*Stephanie is about to continue, but she has just finished scanning the faces in the crowd. A flicker of recognition crosses her face, and her friendly smile slips to a frown of confusion*

Stephanie-Aren't there....weren't there five of you? Your first message said that there were five.

Harvey-Oh, no problem. Just some space travellers we picked up on the way here.

Stephanie-Ah, I see....well....we'll wait for you at the teleportation chambers so that you can run through a selection of our questionable supplies. We've not been able to identify some of the people in these cells yet, and can't decide if they're worth taking or not. We'll transmit the matter transference coordinates now.

*As the Althian Bounty Hunter ends the transmission, Stephanie turns to Tusk with a panicked look on her face*

Stephanie-TUSK! Did you recognize them???

Tusk-*Nodding and growling* Those two robots were from S.T.U.M.P.E.D. I think that the guy in the red mask was, too. And that man in the golden suit, I'm pretty sure that I've seen him somewhere before.

*The Althian Bounty Hunter makes some wild signals*

Zakkry-What's that?

Stephanie-He says that the guy in the super suit is named Garius Lupus, and that he ran into him at a little space bar just before he was captured. Says that he's friends with Afgncaap5. And now that you mention it, I do think I remember seeing him during one of our two or three jobs with S.T.U.M.P.E.D.

RW-But...if he's a friend of Afgncaap5....

Stephanie-They might all be, except for the S.T.U.M.P.E.D. members. Well, even then....good and evil didn't really seem to be huge issues for some people at H2G2 Island whenever I went there.

Zakkry-Wanna get the non-S.T.U.M.P.E.D. members?

Stephanie-No. I say we get 'em all. Only the mad scientists were covered in our agreement, so those five can just tend to their own business. But the rest of them....interrogation, definitely.

Tusk-Our way?

Stephanie-*Smiling again* Oh, of course Tusk! I wouldn't have it any other way!

Stephanie-Zakkry, send them the coordinates.

Zakkry-Will do!

*Zakkry looks up*

Zakkry-I've sent them the coordinates to the transporter bay.

Stephanie-Excellent! You go to meet them, and escort them to a cell for interrogation. And Mr. Bounty Hunter, give him some backup. Play time starts very soon, I feel. RW, keep working on breaking out The Ancient One, but also keep a running check on our guests. If they start using super powers or weapons, turn on the Power Suppression protocols in those areas!

Zakkry-Are we questioning the scientists as well?

Stephanie-Yeah, it's probably wisest. But you don't have to escort them to a cell; just find out what's going on.

*Zakkry and the Althian Bounty Hunter rise and leave for the teleportation chambers*

*RW notes that Lil has escaped from the Teleportation Chamber and is wielding a weapon, and that the robot team of Bass and Treble are attempting to use a time dilution power. He sets up safeguards against both, though he knows that taking actions that are too strenuous might prevent the Althian Bounty Hunter and Zakkry from using their powers as well, and that would be bad*

RW-I've nearly broken the locks on The Ancient One's cell, as well as the other cells that we want opened. I'm still having some trouble with the Digital Security Center, powered by CLI's technology. Mainly because so little data is available other than that these are dangerous criminals, meaning that we can't be sure of whether or not we could contain their potential destructive force.

Stephanie-But the other main cells that we've selected can be opened, right?

RW-Of course. Oh, and it seems that Zakkry and the Althian Bounty Hunter are wrapping up their little tumble with the tresspassers, and it's very likely that the scientists from the Castle are on their side at the moment. ABH has two prisoners in his Cube Zone at the moment, and Zakkry's just used two frisbeexplosives, most likely with the intent of destroying the current teleportation bridge between that room and the Castle. Should I use the emergency save feature to teleport ABH and Zakkry to us?

Stephanie-In a moment. Let's wait to see the reactions of the other heroes down there...

*RW sees a flash of light, followed by a good amount of shrapnel and the closing of the teleportation haze*

RW-Should I-

Stephanie-Yes, beam them in.

*Zakkry and the Althian Bounty Hunter fade from view in the teleportation and fade back into view on the Bridge*

*After proper medical attention is administered to the injured Althian Bounty Hunter and the story of the battle is shared, sparks generated from the ABH's Crib Pocket. He checks, gives a weird sign to Stephanie, and relaxes*

Stephanie-He says that there's been a temporal/spatial breach in his cube zone, meaning that a rift in time/space could've potentially allowed passage out of that zone without his allowance. The system's Anti-Breach protocols are enacting to seal the damage so that nothing can get out even if something gets in.

Zakkry-We about ready for the interrogations?

Stephanie-Probably.

Stephanie-Okay, then! I shall conduct the interrogations. ABH! Toss me a crib containing one of your two prisoners.

*The Althian Bounty Hunter checks his cribs, and looks puzzled for a moment. He pulls out four glowing Cribs*

Stephanie-Four? That means that you caught three, not two? Well, I don't care. Just toss me one that isn't the rat.

*The ABH tosses an Althian Telekinetic Crib at Stephanie*

Stephanie-I'll now adjourn to the interrogation brig. Tusk, come on, I'll need the back up if these guys have as much firepower as we think. The rest of you, keep working. Oh, and RW....open the dangerously insane criminals' cells in that area. And lower the force fields around that transportation station.

RW-Won't that allow them to proceed forward?

Stephanie-Only if the dangerously insane criminals don't kill them.

*So saying, Stephanie exits*

*Tusk enters and tosses the Crib to the ABH. The ABH understands the unspoken message and tosses a second Crib to Tusk. Tusk leaves just as RW turns from his console*

RW-I just sent a message to the inmates of Corridor Three where they house the criminals who cause the most property damage, whether through accident or intent. At the moment it looks like we have a very stupid little robot, some form of sentient, physics defying bouncy-ball, a telepathic little girl, and a crazed explosives expert from Earth. There was another guy, but he was banished to somewhere else by the girl.

Zakkry-Shouldn't the defenses have prevented that?

RW-No, I've loosened the barriers in that area so that these villains can use their respective powers. She wouldn't be able to, say, teleport everyone off of the Asteroid, but she can definitely banish others to cramped areas of non-space.

*Tusk comes in and changes Cribs again. He leaves. Meanwhile, RW looks up from his hacking*

RW-Okay, at long last I think I've gotten The Ancient One's cell to open! I've set it up so that it'll open when this timer finishes counting down!

*Zakkry and the ABH cheer*

RW-Okay, it's opening!

Zakkry-Huzzah!

*At that moment, just when the Althian Bounty Hunter was about to make a vocal noise for the first time in recorded history, he hears a beep from his Crib Container. He checks it and realizes with shock that one of the prisoners escaped somehow*

RW-Okay, The Ancient One is out!

Zakkry-Fantastic!

ABH-*Shows his empty Cribs to RW and Zakkry, panicked*

RW-But how did they escape? That shouldn't be possible! Lemme tell Stephanie!

*RW sends the message (as seen elsewhere). Stephanie receives it, and leaves the Rec Chamber, coming to this bridge*

Stephanie-Okay, let's get ready. Who knows how long it'll take the adventurers to get to us. Kill them, but keep the scientists alive.

*NYC quickly steps onto the bridge, pointing the plasma rifle ahead of him. He turns a corner and bumps into fortifications and what looks like two characters behind them, in none too welcoming a mood. He lets his rifle do the greetings*

*crack FOOM FOOM FOOM*

Who are you?!