h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bother? Here? In The Club? Have it removed in a plain van!

while i admit that i would love to see the back of you my dear i'd prefer it if it were not being removed in a plain van or otherwise, eh?

I see it's become a matter of definition,namely of how we define bother, well all i can say is that it was quite in here, till you showed up, Questers, old bean, so why don't you lift a glass of Glen Wobble to your hatch, thereby effectively closing it for a bit, what, until the Wobble kicks in, come now, have one? Or two or three?

what's that you say, i'm not sure it's quite right, but i think i do like it! so, my dear, what's quite not in where? now then, this is getting a bit risque. quite now fellows, I think d has a bit to answer for! come, dear d, don't be a disappointment now!

Don't you love sporting gels eh

Quite! especially the quiet types, , redders, old boy!

Gettin your stereotypes mixed up a bit Questers, lemme straighten 'em out for you, dear old chap. Stereotypes, excellent things to have about the house, i ain't sayin', but mustn't get 'em mixed up, is the whole point, isn't it! If you let 'em get mixed up, what you get is rampant liberalism, which interferes with one's enjoyment of several things and may even lead to blackballin'.
YOU're s'posed to be strong and silent y'know. If you can't be the latter i shall have to surmise that you aren't the first, what? I on the other hand, ain't expected to be strong, so why would i be silent, come now?

*chokes on his McLurchers*

I say, thats fearfully racy chat for this hour of day. Mr Barlow's barely finished polishing the beer taps and the popsy's already talking fruity. Enough to make a man turn from his kippers.

Now back to more important matters, 12 across:

"Looks like a small dog. Is Aunty sore?"

5 letters, no clues I'm afraid.

bangers and mash, i say, bangers and mash...

*points to ettiquette rule 15*

No rhyming slang old boy - Queens english only you see. Helps keep the right tone, what !

if that is so, I dare say I'll have to sample the crumpets with a bit of the clotted cream to clear my palate of the taste of that _______.

... and a spot of tea of course.

bearer, where is that confounded, bearer, has he died, eh? the service need attending to, I say, what?

oh, I say, there should be no loud threats made by the rather overly expressive amongst us, what? those who have insidiously crept in amongst us and now positively insist upon disturbing the ancient peace and repose of this august and magnificent club. there'll be no such talk, if you please dear gul. mustn't forget your decorum, eh? not to mention that you have failed to address my query, what?

Q

We do seem to be rather stretched for servants now that you come to mention it. Scrotum our last wrinkled retainer expired last summer in the middle of the lounge.

Harrumphh !

Some of the Chaps were seen to be placing wagers on how long it would take the ambulance to get here ... not that anyone bothered to call one .... never had one of those bally telephonic contraptions installed you see.

Upshot was that that the Club didn't even have anyone to clear the remains away and not one of the Chaps was prepared to get out of his chair for anything less than the Loyal toast or another boche invasion.

Sad state of affairs - I shall have to write to my MP.


*belatedly remembers that he is an MP*

oh, and by the by, old boy, it appears as though the offensive person, the one who believe she must be obeyed, has withdrawn ... with the proverbial you-know-what between the equally proverbial you-know-where ... of course, that's certainly _not to say that that person is, by any means, one of that spiecies.

pip, pip!

*wonders who's withdrawn with a jar of roll-mops between their thighs*

Hey ... I was eating those

don't worry dear old chap I'm positive we can find some more of those

Wrinklers appears to have been rogering popsy on the hallowed turf again. I mean it's just not good form to leave frenchies on the bally lawn ! Not least of which is the mess it causes to the old Atco's blades then we have Hogg moaning and whining for ages thereafter.

What say you Chaps ?

What are you chaps up to in here? Crosswords eh? Looked like coming to thunder so i thought I'd better put the croquet mallets away.Can't seem to open the games room cupboard......answer to five across is suttee or if its not it damned well ought to be. I'm orf now to have a lunch at 'The Coughing Tecwin'....

Dash it all to blazes ... that cross enough for you?

The Coughin' Tecwin ... not one of those new fangled "theme" pubs is it, or one of those frightful "Whine bars" ... what's bally wrong with the George? OK I admit the pipes, like popsy, could do with a good going over and it's prolly about time the spitoons were emptied but you won't find a better pint of Bowel Clencher this side of anywhere else ...

Now where's me pipe and shag?