h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Bassman joins the throng on stage. In an attempt to catch up and not be left behind rips the breast pocket off his tunic, while removing medal bar. *

DASH IT ALL....

Er sorry ladies, bally fiddly things these medal bars, wish I had a few less gongs on occasion....

* Gyrates to music, the sam way that your Grandad did at the last family wedding - sings tunelessly *

Hurrruuummmppphh....

You can leave your hat on



Bassers.

*has thankfully remained unnoticed behind Sea*

YOU JUST TRY TO CLOAK OUR EYES!!! I'll put a sign on 'your' eye that says: CLOSED!

Come back here, stand on this chair, that's right. Raise your arms up to the air

*wrestling with zipper spots Apollers white feather waving behind sea*

I say, Old Chap. Don't be bashful .... the girlies want a sight of the legendary thighs. Come on up here .... and bring my Topper with you - Saturn Gel has it orn her.

It's just a jump to the left,

And a step to the ri-i-i-ight....

Oh hang on, I think I've got it wrong again. Who the devil is this Tom Jones chappy anyway. Sounds like a taff. Was he in the fusiliers?

I think he fought the zulu's alongside that Caine fella...

*struggles to remove the old school tie, slightly behind in the proceedings*

(muttermutterballyapostrophemutter)

*starts to undo bow tie but is nudged by Pollers man and ends up getting his fingers caught in a knot*

Oh dash it all !!

00000000h

* Slips over on Abi's drool, just as button 3 becomes undone.

What the blue blazes....!

What's this?!? a dance that I'm not in!? Well Red, old chap, and polidari!! and Inkers too!! What in blue blazes are you doing up there?!
Well, no one told me this was one of THOSE parties!! But since when have I been one to turn down a good time, eh?

*leaps up on stage, hat in hand, and tosses it to polidari, forgetting who asked for it. Undoes Toga belt and starts to show off some thigh...*

* Just getting up from the puddle of drool, gets hit by a top hat spinning by and ends up on the floor again *

Dash it all chaps, let's have a bit of decorum here can we?

Dulce et Decorum est, what?

Speak English man will you, we didn't fight two world wars to be speaking that drivel what!!

* Starts to remove trousers unaided by manservant - but just as things are going well, one of the fly buttons gets caught in the sock suspender on his right leg..... Squabbling Bleeder Bassman stumbles and takes a dive off the edge of the stage *

Dah Dah DAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

* What will become of Bassers *




Bassers

*wanders in past the backog and slips gracelessly on Abi's drool*
What the???

*blink*bites lip* hehe

You can keep your hat on

Pssst SG ..... the topper, I need the topper ... otherwise it's tackle time

*tries a bit of bump and grind and strains back*

*tries to hide *

* off to laugh behind a table, peering over every now and then*

WoooWooo, Baby!
I'd love a swing like that on my back porch! Merciful! Baby!
Give it ALL you got, up there Baby! Hold me back, girls, Ah'm in LOVE!!! Hubba Hubba!

*Pulls a ten dollar bill out of her wallet and waves it at the guys.*

ooer...this looks rather rich for me and my weak heart, what?

Rubbish UH!

Get 'em off!