h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* 10 buttons to go on the waist-coat.....

*The long-johns, built before the days of elastic, give out while Inkers gets his fingers trapped in his own shirt buttons*

...*rests her elbow on the stage...rests her head on her palm...*
I say, this is THE slowest stripe tease...can't even call it a 'tease'!
More like a strip 'boar'! How long has this song been playing? *sigh*...take it off...*can't remember what "IT" is...tosses more coins onto the stage from force of habit...looks around the room for something to get into...*

* With a mad flourish Polidari's man heaves of the waistcoat over Polidari's head...

"Sorry sir, but the ladies appear to be getting restless. We'll do the bow tie next, then the shirt, and then onto the regimental girdle...

...*muffeled words fron underneath a waistcoat...*hey, who turned out the lights? Is the dance over? Is the party still going?
It's dark in here...

I would help Pandora... but it seems I'm tied to a pole, still wearing my golden thong

* A bow-tie goes flapping into the once screaming, now rather subdued, audience.

Hey - I'm getting into this now. I haven't felt this free since skinny-dipping in the Cam after a long punt in 1906, doncha know.

* sips absentmindedly *

*from closet* is it over?

* wonders if she should slow down with the since the closet seems to be talking *

* mind you the closet sounds just like Uncers! *

Uncers! Is that you? You can come out now if you like - you are amoung friends what!

friends dont want to rip your clothes from your body old gel

Gosh! I say! Did that happen Uncers!

And there was me thinking we were talking about you coming out of the closet!

Still I can see why the gals wanted to rip your clothes awff!

...*hands come out from underneath the 'manily' smelling waistcoat...clap together at light's 'funny'...hands slide back underneath said waistcoat & tuck themselves under Pandora's wee sore head...a muffled voice is heard to say...* i haven't been this excited since last time i tried to nap with a hangover...*sigh*

* A small but high pitched voice utters from the front of the stage *

I say Panders old girl, would you be so frightfully kind, as to remove your heel from my nether regions.

Well if we're going all the way except for hats chaps.... better make mine a ten gallon!! Just ask lighthousegirl - she knows how big my hamper is!!



Bassers

Oh My, but aren't we getting personal, what?

*wishes he could move*

Unless I get untied soon, i'll have to have a lady hold a hat in front of me boys, i suppose...

*down to hat and shorts and jiggly bits*

Well I've run out of options Chaps ..... no turning back now for me, honour of the club at stake and all that. Here we go ... wish me luck. Gels - brace yourselves !

*with a huge effort Redders tries to whip his shorts orf with one hand and cover nether regions with other but only succeeds in giving himself a monster wedgie and rolls orf the stage in agony. Hat flies orf across the ballroom hitting the giant chandelier causing it to come crashing to the ground and plunging the ballroom into darkness*

*faintly*

Now lads, now !

...*removes foot from Basser's family jewls...*I was just warming my feet, you know! ...*removes waistcoat from head...*
Hey!! Who turned out the lights?!? What's that smokey smell?!?
Hey!!! That's MY breast!! I say! SMACK Uhg...what a place to place a wall in this place...*falls flat on her back...skirt up to here...luckily the lights are out...thus having caused the skirt to hike when the Hiker took a hike...right into said wall...*This'll hurt more tomorrow...I just know it will.
Ouch! Careful mates...broken shards of glass and who knows what-all......Someone had damned well better carry me! Someone with shoes on!!!! I don't care if you leave your hat on or not! Anyone?

*walks in at inopportune moment, takes in scene, and giggles uncertainly*

hmmm....

*raises eyebrows*