h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"ooooooh, phworr, steamy or what, never seen cookery like that before, Gad IB's Yogas paying off"

*after some whispered consulatations, knowing full well about the secreted cameras, they take out some feather boas, the old reliable inflatable swimming pool full of custard, and 2 thongs... Unfortunatly, once the double zeds are released from the very tight rubber Alice outfit....

well. they kind of take over and nothing else can be seen...tho the sound of laughing,riotous splashing of custard and 'pretend' wrestling can be heard clearly through the flimsy walls of the cupboard...*


doc. you dug your own hole by being greedy and makin them this big.... sorry.. snigger.. hey...get your hand out of there ha ha ha

"Outside the cupboard by the massive pay as u view video wall there is much mumbling and crossing of legs"

*IB and hnicky continue to have fun in the cupboard much to the annoyance of everyone else who can no longer see*

DOC!! We may need your help in here....
can you come in please. key is under the mat.. bring some strawberries and a crowbar ....
if it's not too much trouble

snigger..... how are we gonna explain this?

"Slaps pair of handcuff to himself and Doc "

It's not safe Doc, what ever you do don't let go!

Coming ladiessss (ooerrrr)

*Doc and Dai arrive in the room, just as Hnicky and IB, cleaned and clad in tight black leather, together with madtrix style black lab coats, are hoisted on an elaborate rope sling thing by a waiting helicopter thru the roof of the cupboard, blowing kisses to the loyal pay per view fans in Norway, they lift up up and away...

suddenly the tables have turned

Dai and doc, semi naked, god knows what they were up to outside... are handcuffed, grinning stupidly at the cameras and trying to back away, rather than explain themselves.... dai turns and an 'i love barbara streisand' tattoo becomes visable on his shoulder....hmmmmmmmm interesting turn of events folks..

the crowd in Norway go wild... their shouts can nearly be heard in the lab.... we want more we want more... they look dubiously at the tub of custard....look at eachother, shrug and dive in together*

" Totally gutted, it was his mothers wish that he got that tattoo following his conception in the back row of the local Odean during a boring bit of Funny Lady just before the girl brought the choc ices round apparently. thinks back to the site of IB hanging from a rope under the helicopter still wearing a short leather outfit"

Doc I'm just reminded the shrubbery out the back could do with a trimming, if we get out of this put it down on me to do list will ya?

"Climbs out coated from remains of custard, picks up guitar while Doc goes on drums and together they go into a mental version of The White Stripes Hotel Yorba, followed by The Harest Button to Button and finishing with Joelene, the crowd go wild and shout there approval, seems the guys did more for them than the girls, ho hum ...."

Doc, hang on where do you think IB and HN are right now?

*the lab goes silent... then in the distance, out behind the shubbery.. comes the sound of giggling*

haha. what? it's a stick on one? hahah. brilliant.. show me that again.. oh wow...i'll have to get me one of those... show me the catalog..what page? woooo, look there's an even bigger one... i'm havin that one..

oh, and put me down for the delux black one of those too... i'm so glad i met you hnicky. you've really opened my eyes..

just dont say i dont do anything for you IB

retreats to corner to contemplate backlog.....

*thinks, I just said that out loud didn't I*

*retreats to corner as above*

*pours a good into a cup of hot tea*

*sups laden tea and collapses...*

"Pulls hi power , seriouly noisy weed whacker come strimmer from storage cupboard and heads out back to the shrubbery to hunt for IB and do a bit of trimming"

*wanders into lab with her ann summers catologue under one arm and a box of tissues in the other*

*waits until Dai passes with aforementioned industrial strimmer* and then re enters the lab, frowing on the way past at the car with the enormous rock on it... not frowning at the rock or the car, but but at the 6 legs sticking out from under same...

sees doc again in his rather fetching Indiana jones apparrel... thinks he may need some IBLC and sashays across with a swish of the leather coat... *

hangon Hnicky babes.....be back in a bit K?

i have some unfinished business to start over here...

*doc rubbing his hands together and sidling towards the slab... wondering does she want more 'enhancements'*

So, do you want more enhancements?

Deja vooooo or what!

*sits down and looks through her catalogue, while wiping her nose for the umteenth time in the last hour*

*Shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle*

DROOB!


Yes, Ug?

DROOB DROOB!

No, you cannot marry Bimbo, UG. You know she will only take you for every penny you have and go out and shag a footballer behind your back dont you?

DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I know she has pretty hair and goes like a barn door in a gale, but she does that with EVERYBODY you know?

DROOB?

Yes, Everybody, Ug. Sorry mate.

DDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!!

Now, dont cry about it Ug mate - look over there. There is the lovely hnicky and IB positively just DYING to get to grips with an honest to goodness real live double X chromosome Caveman hulk like you!

DROOB?

Yes, you Ug!

Now go rip up a bunch of trees or something to impress them and give it your best Caveman chat up, right?

DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB DROOB!!!!!!!!!

*Pounds off across the lab floor in the general direction of the girls, a bunch of oak trees in his hand*

"Comes back from trimming the shrubbery to find the lab full of activity"

Who the hell delivered all this activity, it was not due until next week and thers sod all storage space until we clear out the cellar!

DAI! Get out of the way of Ug mate - he is on heat, got a fistfull of oak trees and you are standing right..... CRASH

In the way........................