h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A idiot's guide to preeening?

A dolt's version: combing.

And thus the mighty warlord gives us his view. Hmmm, we've been out of action for a *while* haven't we...

Howdy do Clive, thanks for stopping by.

Phaid quickly draws is twin pistols, and blows the bejeezus out of Cosmic, for being an idiot. "I'm tired of that twit!"
"Cosmic, if, in another life, you decide to be more than a Ganja smoking moron, please look us up. Until then, stay dead, or I shall be forced to use more drastic measures!"

Actually that rather poor attempt at humour contained a subliminal hypnotic command resulting in unbridled rage within any weak minded individuals within a 50 feet radius.


Also I left the gun cabinet unlocked....

Methinks there might have been a hidden message in that last message, sir. But for the life of of me, he deserved it. And would again, come to think of it. Subliminal message or not, twits irritate me. It's why I came here; I get to shoot them!

Now. How goes our dastardly plan?

*walks in, looks down, sees own corpse*

Wow, that doesn't look to good.

I think it is worth knowing that I was born in the multiplayer of a FPS, I just respawn after I die.

And I'm not to good at the planning bit of the mayhem, more of the designing the instruments of destruction and the hands on.

And sadly, my malevolence levels seem to drop every time I respawn...

Phaid walks up to Cosmic, slowly, and says "Dude! What's this?" As the idiot turns to look at Phaid's left hand, he plows a very fine roundhouse into Cosmic's skull. "Wow! Wasn't sure what I was going to use this lighter fluid for, but this looks like a very fine cause!" Phaid sprays every last drop of the liter of lighter fluid on the unconscious Cosmic. "Hey! How handy! I happen to have this match!" Phaid proceeds to light a very fine (yet kinda greasy) fire." That ought to fix THAT problem!"

"if that twit rises again, would someone PLEASE shoot him?! Not only are the grammatical errors bugging the sh*t out of me, but he can't even seem to grasp a simple plot line!!

At an rate, I've had some luck on the WMD level. Has anyone here been able to make an impact? I have some very...fine (read nasty) toys for us to throw at the general populous!

By what do you mean "impact"?

Smashing the tip of a ICBM in the basement with a lump hammer.

Clive please, you're causing quite a racket down there, I can barely hear myself scheme.

Well we could just blow it up so he can't use it to make noise.

Wait, is the Boardroom resistant to a direct thermonuclear hit?

I believe in the theory of testing things to destruction.

On that basis, I've replaced several sachets of sugar on your complementary tea trolly in the Board Room with sachets of bleached arsenic salts.

That's why I don't put anything in my or my .

Sugar is the start of all things nice, and I can't be doing with that. That's why I filled the salads with slugs and snails, and those aren't normal cocktail sausages on the bar either.

*a few pitiful whimpers are heard from an adjoining room.*

Well thank Bob I carry my own supplies, then. How goes the game development, Galigan? I think you'll really like these great little semi-automatics I picked up outside of Moscow. Got them for a song, but they only had a few hundred thousand, so I need to look for additional suppliers.

Do you think we should intentionally bug the game somehow, or are we content with just using it for brainwashing?

I was thinking maybe making it chemically addictive (don't ask how, that's for the Evil Programmers to figure out) and putting a bug that will make the game just stop working after a certain play time, so they have to discard the current copy and buy a new one, increasing our profits.

I strongly suggest we seek out and declare war on the known terrorists : Máni, Tyr, Woden, Thor, Frige, Saturn and Sol

We could make a game about overthrowing gods!

I think the idea of making it so it breaks after a certain time is clever, but frankly Sony beat us to that with every playstation ever made, as did Apple with most of the old iPods, but the new ones area actually pretty good and seem to last. We'll see. Anyway, as yet everything's going to plan. I have a few programmers signed up who are interested in making the new version of some zombie game that's already out, so they think they'll be rolling in it when we release it. They will, they just won't be rolling in anything they expect or want to be rolling in. Nor will they necessarily be alive to experience it.

I recently played a zombie game that hasn't been released.