h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Hally heaves violently.*

Oh christ, I'm going to throw up!

*A river of puke begins to flow from the lid of the lockbox.*

One of the cooler side effects.

How did that happen? EC sold your stuff on the blue market.

Maybe someone bought it all back and replaced it in the box so they could shake it now and cause his organs to vomit.

*peers at Legion through narrowed eyes, as well as quite a few levels of flooring and a large steel bunker type room*

Can we bring the action back up here now? It's getting awfully lonely with no-one but the chandeleer monkey for company.

The chandeleer monkey is a zombie, you know that right?

You forgot the part where absolutely NOTHING is left BUT the Doritos.

Half a bijillion years later, they will be discovered by scientists who will immediately dub them "Doritos-early man" and begin to methodically prove man decended from the dorito soup that was produced by nuclear winter defrosting, and on a side note, also producing the first really tasty non-fat dip in the universe...unfortunately the dorito were not evolved enough to appreciate this and the recipe was lost for eternity.

*Begins to read the backlog.*

*gets very confused by Glidden and eyes the monkey suspiciously*

He's very active for a zombie. I always thought they were rather slow and awkward.

Even so - I was the anonymous bidder who bought Hally's organs. They're all back in the lockbox now, apart from his liver. I mashed that up and served it to Hally as pate fois gras. Remember that dinner, Hally? You sent compliments to the chef. Mwaha.

I do, and I've been pissed ever since...

Wow am inebriated zombie cool

Whodawhata zombie cool?

*walks in for the first time in months, looks around bemusedly at the surrounding anarchy, and adopts a confident pose waiting for someone to notice his entrance*

*knocks JPY unconscious with a frozen rubber herring and steals his wallet because if there's one thing I'm unnecessarily unimpressed by it's a impressive entrance*

Curious. You would think that a frozen rubber thing would shatter on inpact.

*picks it up and swings it round*

Now, could I have a volunteer?

If it did shatter then how are you swinging it around?

It didn't, that's the point!

Do pay attention, 003.5.

*salute* Ma'am!

Anything to drink around here - I'm parched...


*wanders over to mini-bar, stepping over the unconcious form of JPY*


Who's nicked the JD *again*?

The what?

The Jack Daniels...do you know *NOTHING* EC ?