h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Might I suggest the second option...



And don't make me use the 'F' word!

And which "F" word might that be, dear? "flattery?" "Fishworm?" "Firebase...?"



Or perhaps...





















*dramatic pause*




















Forceps...?

Those are all good words. But no, I had something else in mind, something more like...

































"Forgodssakeshowmeyerankles."

You know I only show them to good boys. And you're /bad/. Ever so much so. And you're a . Which makes you more of a dirty old man, and not so much a boy. So you know you have a whole lot riding against you.

But just because I like you...

*she slowly removes her left boot, taking care to spend a very long time setting it down on the floor beside her. She then pulls off her knee-length red and purple argyle sock to ezpose her lovely white ankle. ...And then she spends no time at all concealing it once more*

*Melts into a small puddle on the floor*

Yowza!

Anyway you know I'm not the old sort of wizard...I'm the young, dynamic, go-getting type who wear their pointy hats on backwards and wear sensible slacks instead of those ridiculous outmoded robes.

I'm also that type that has to go offline in a moment or they won't be able to watch The Sopranos tonight Till next time, Fl -- JJ.

Mr L

All right.

Hubba Hubba.

*slams fist down on table

Enough of this! Let's plan something e-vil!

*Sits in the rafters and listens.*

Skull, dear, that was /plenty/ evil.

But anyway.

...Why is there a figure croucing in the shadows over there?

*points*

um, I didn't realise I was sitting in the corner. Sorry.
I think I may have wandered into the wrong meeting.
Please don't shoot me.

I might not shboot you, but I might offer you a...





























!



Just make sure you take the antidote pills first. *hands over a and a handfull of pills*

We poison everything here, you see.

But I am immune to all forms of poison. So



HA
HA
HA
HA
HA
HA

Your feeble attempts to poison me have been thwarted!

And I feel I must ask....












Is it a Shiny Disco Ball?

Is what a shiny disco ball?

And there's no possible way that you could be immune to all of our poisons. Particularly that /one/ poison... But anyway.

Direct your attention to the subject line.



And yes, it's pretty shiny. Incandescent, even. Don't worry about being shot. You're more likely to be poisoned or de-limbed in some amusing way. So relaaaax...and have a

*Offers aforementioned *

Yeah, well I tried to give him a /and/ the antidotes to our current poisons, and he wouldn't take them.

*feeling insulted and unloved and basically unwanted*

*Shifts its weight.*

I thought I caught the merest glimpse of you when I was in my local, 'The Hidden Agenda', a short while ago.

That lap(-top) dancer was something else!

JJ: What are you on about...? What thread was this? Are you speaking to /me?/

Thras: I rather think so...

JJ: I don't recall lap-dancing though... Hmm. Admitedly I've most like forgotten.

Thras: Can you link us...?