h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Brian lets out a scream and for a second he appears to be clad in his modern apparel and then, in a mysterious blue flash, he disappears.

Puzzled, everybody checks out his home page (hint, hint).

(I meant - was insane endevour in choppers. I know you are, you cretin )

*Uncle, aware that having a metal skeleton causes him to become conductive looks for somewhere to hide the impending storm. Sadly, all he can find is a giant, solitary oaktree in the middle of the town.*

I'll be safe here!

[Lightning promptly strikes the oak tree]

*snicker snicker*

[Link rushes over to the tower and starts climbing up the side. On the outside.]

[Y2K] Hey! There goes Link!

[Y2K completely fails to use the Force to make a tremendous leap so he can attack Link]

*Affy picks himself off the ground. He looks at evillene and Sea. He quickly thinks of all the spells he knows, then slaps his head for almost forgetting one of his favorites from ZGI*

Lladnek!

*The spell the Sea and evillene are casting suddenly becomes more complicated*

That'll buy me some time. But what now?

*Thinks. Then he suddenly has a brilliant idea, that he slaps himself for not having before. He casts a very simple spell from ZGI*

Ttrubeb!

*The skies outside become totally clear and sunny. Affy waves at sea and evillene who can't figure out what's happening: they feel their spell working, but it just keeps getting brighter outside*

Okay, top that one. And keep to continuity, please.

What's ZG?

[Mewtwo flies up to Link]

[Mewtwo] "Need a hand?"

*apu voice* Affy, must you Zork on everything we do?

*sea thinks for a moment*

[sea] aha!!! he reversed our spell! evillene, we have to make it sunny now!

*the sky becomes dark and sinister again*

*sea glances at affy, who looks very much irritated at her persistence. sea points a finger at affy's spellbook, which promptly translates itself into a language affy doesn't know*

[Link] Nah, I'm fine.

[He fires the hookshot upwards, jumping off the side of the building as he does so. The hookshot catches a bit of wood and pulls him upwards. As soon Link is right next to the bit of wood, he grabs onto it, and it breaks. He fires the hookshot at where Sea and Evillene are, and due to the trajectory, it wraps around a gargoyle. He swings around, does a sort of loop-the-loop, and crashes into Evillene, upside-down]

[Link] Whoops.

[evillene] get OFF of me, you lout!

*evillene kicks link, who falls off the side of the tower, and manages to grab hold of a precipice 1/3 of the way down*

*the clouds stop growing*

[sea] EVILLENE!!!!

[evillene] sorry, sorry!

*the clouds grow again and lightning starts to hit the tower, dangerously close to the superheroes. rain beats down upon them and the wind whips their clothes about painfully*

Well, this is working even better than I'd planned.

*Whispers to all of the superheroes*

Guys, it's an illusion. The storm can't hurt you. I cast a spell that created the illusion of fair weather, when in fact they were making it worse. Now, however, they're making it better, and don't even realize it. The lightning means nothing. However, my spellbook is gone for now. I've got spare copies back at the lab, but *NO ONE* ruins one of *MY SPELLBOOKS* without a serious death wish!

*Affy pulls out his illumynite shield (guaranteed to shield from magic, for those of you who've played RTZ (and yes, I must make references to Zork in every forum. Sorry), and lunges at sea and evillene with his staff. He trips both of them, causing the spell to be interrupted. He konks evillene on the head, effectively knocking her out, and turns to sea, who is recovering much faster, and managed to stand up and movie away faster*

[Link uses the Hookshot again and hits Evillene instead of the wooden bit he was aiming for]

[Link] Whoops. [falls and lands on Mewtwo]

*Waves out the window*

I could really use your help up here!

*Turns to sea*

Okay, soeasilyamused, you're in for the fight of your life!

*Scoops up some greyish-white ashes from a fire place, turns around, and puts the ash on his face. When he turns around, that simple dabbling of makeup has transformed him into Affy The Clown! Affy pulls out a pie, and hurls it at Sea*

*Meanwhile, GL has been searching the tower and now stands outside the room that HP's office has become. He listens for a moment, then steps back from the door and kicks it open. His momentum carries him into the room and he notes the position of the occupants in the split second before he rolls. The roll carries him across the room where he comes to his knees, with the snowzar pointed directly at HP.*

[sea] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOT A CLOWN! NOT A CLOWN!

*sea gives up on the storm and tackles affy-clown, and begins to beat him senseless, all the while screaming unintelligibly*

*raises a disdainful eyebrow*

Garius Lupus, I presume....

*GL nods*

Look up

*GL looks up, there's nothing there, however, the fact that he's looked up has given HP time to pull a lever to his left which opens a trapdoor under Garius Lupus, he plummets through an almost frictionless chute to the dark depths below*

Say hello to the laundry... *evil smile, looks over at henchmen* open the catacomb floodgates... I'd like to see how he escapes that...

*hears a splash as GL lands*

Oh... this is fun...*evil smile, stops the henchman as he's about to leave*...oh, and can you find out what sea is up o with this ominous storm business... the benefits and such... and how I can help... if Garius is in the tower, the others can't be far behind... and send her some spearmen... I don't want her interrupted...



[HP}=~~

*sea notices the arrival of the spearmen just as her arms begin to tire of beating affy-clown into submission. she stands up*

[sea] good. reinforcements. you spearmen can... occupy my friend affy-clown here, while i figure out a way to fix my storm spell.

*sea thinks for a moment*

[evillene] AHA!

[sea] I was the one that was supposed to come up with a plan.

[evillene] come off it. you never were the brains of this operation.

[sea] good point.

*evillene proceeds to cast an enchantment-breaking spell. the effects of affy's spell are undone. sea and evillene return to their storm, which is real this time. lightning strikes directly next to affy and the spearmen. the spearmen look up, startled, then continue to "occupy" the superhero*

*meanwhile, the pouring rain is making life hard for the various battles that are occurring on the ground, and link slips from his precarious perch atop the precipice and falls to the ground with a wet thud. fortunately for him, the muddy state of the ground cushions the impact, and he is unharmed. the winds pick up and the storm quickly becomes a hurricane*

[Mewtwo throws Link into the window that Affy waved out of]