h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sea looks relieved*

[sea] oh, good. i was worried for a moment there.

*pushes link*

[sea] bully! picking on a girl!!!

[For those of you who haven't seen any characters of a movie doing something like firing a phaser, with the unedited film (i.e., no special effects added yet), you get an idea of what happens in this case when Mewtwo gives Sea a look that, were his powers working, would have vaporised her]

[Mewtwo] "D'oh."

[Vekura] "It's just as well you didn't."

*sea sticks her tongue out at the kitties*

[Mewtwo smacks Sea upside the head]

*sea smacks the pokemon back, then tackles him and they start fighting*

*evillene pulls sea off the kitty*

[sea] *struggles* lemme at him!!!!

[evillene] fighting isn't going to get us back to the... uh... 21st century. you want your powers back, don't you?

*sea stops struggling*

[evillene] good. now, i have an idea....

*sea and evillene start plotting*

*Uncle walks into the scene. No longer clad in tux, he wears an elegant combination of silks and satins. Velvet pantaloons. Tights. Floppy hat. Smells of lavendar. He flourishes and doffs his cap to Sea.*

Ho there fair maiden. (Got to get into the swing of things, see sea?)
Prithee, Sirrah. Hey nonny nonny. Methinks tis time to go and unhorse Y2K.

*Unsheaths claws. Winches as untempered iron shoots out instead of smooth adamantite. Walks into Y2K's path. Smiles.*

[Y2K] Unhorse me? Link's saved you the trouble. I've already BEEN unhorsed.

[Link] Now what?

*The air shimmers in the warehouse and an image slowly forms and solidifies. GL looks around at the empty bad guy cages and at the patiently waiting good guys.*

Gee, you guys sure are considerate.

*GL runs over to the nearest good guy cage and takes out his pocket laser. He proceeds to cutting the bars and frees Affy. He runs over to the other cages and frees the other good guys.*

Okay, we can return to our time and leave the bad guys here.

*Reaches into pocket. Puzzled look crosses face. Searches other pockets, more and more frantically. Sighs. Sheepishly grins at the others.*

Um, it seems that in my rush I forgot the RTS (Return to Sender) device. But at least I freed you guys, and I have a snowzar and a brass lantern.

*sea stares at heavy for a moment, totally confused. evillene slaps her*

[evillene] get your head out of the clouds! we've got a lot of evil debauchery to get to!

*sea and evillene take off for the castle*

[Mewtwo] "Affy, now would be the perfect time to use that device."

[Vekura] "Spell."

[Mewtwo] "Whatever."

Prithee sirrah. You pansy. Have at you. A duel, mine enemy. [Bows to Y2K]

Hello, GL

Hi UH. Looks like we might have to fight our way to that tower. This place is swarming with bad guys. Luckily I brought the snowzar and it has a full charge, which should be good for, oh, about 5 ten-post freezings, or 10 five-post freezings, or, um, well, you get the idea.

Okay, lets go.

*Heads out the back way and turns towards the tall dark tower, regretfully ignoring the sounds of revelry and destruction coming from in front of the building.*

I hate to leave those villians to their evil work, but it will be better to chop off the head first, then clean up the others.

*creeps down a dark alley.*

[Link follows him.]

[Black Knight/Y2K draws a broadsword]

[Y2K] I'm glad I had this in case of emergencies ... [stands ready for UH's attack] En garde!

*Is flipping through his spellbook madly, and making notes on a scroll. He notices his sword start glowing a brilliant blue*

Uh-oh. Trouble's ahead of us, guys.

*Returns to looking at his spells*

I'm going to have to combine the GOLMAC spell (temporal travel), GIRGOL spell (freezes time for all but caster), and thie city protection spell. Probably a few others...

*Uncle's claws have been replaced by two huge lumps of sharpened iron. He draws them. He smiles. He bows. He charges*

*In a flash of brilliant light and a blur of colour, Brian rushes onto the scene just in the nick of time for a good old fisty-cuffs.*

My lycra suit would just be too inappropriate for this scene. I now don a black cape that ties up around my neck and a shimmering chest plate. My externally worn y-fronts have gleefully been replaced with a suitably large Cod piece (ahh bliss). Finally, le piece de Resistance is my wide brimmed hat full of silks Henry VIII stylee.

Now there's an image.

*Brian materialises alongside Heavy as he charges. With the reflexes of a fox he sticks out his boot-clad leg and trips the speeding superhero.*

Hehehe.

*Unsheathes his massive long sword and stands ready for battle*

Come on then.

[Y2K engages UH and BD in combad]

[Y2K] Done.