h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Its approaching night time, hobos light oil barrel fires and sensible people rush home, superheros arm up for their nightly patrols and check that the spandex hasn't shrunk any. Paranoid Tower dominates the inner city, a large, forbidding obelisk shaped skyscraper. All the other meagre attempts at vertical architecture pale in comparison. A red, neon eye looks down upon the city from its purchase at the top of the tower....*




*The entrance bell rings as the door creeks open, and does so again as it closes. The slumping, juiced-up regulars look up and across from their glasses, then hurriedly at them again. Three pairs of heavily feet march in slow motion to the bar tender*

N0 1: III wooouullld liiiiikkke...
Bartender: *timidly* You can stop the slow motion thing... if you like..
NO 1: Oh, right... I would like an orange juice for my companions and I
Bartender: Is that one each or between the three of you?
NO 1: *cold stare*
Bartender: Three OJ's, coming up... *something glints on NO 1's chest*... hey.. wait a minute... are you an Ev...*whispered*.. you an Evil Genius?...
NO 1: Why yes, yes I am..
Bartender: *slightly more fearful* Right. Thats good... I mean bad.. we don't like good around here... oh no.. I mean, why be good when evil offers so much more in terms of benefits. The aura of mindnumbing fear, cash opportunities, megalomaniac prospects... all good.. bad... you know what I mean.
NO 1: Yes, yes I do...*leans towards the Bartender*... you wouldn't be interested in being made an offer, would you?
Bartender: uhhh... what kind of an offer?
NO 1: *staring nonchalantly at knuckles* oh, you know... one of those unrefusable ones...
Bartender: Oh... Do I have a choice...
NO 1: *head shakes*
Bartender: Well... in that case...

[Y2K bursts in, Vader mask down. He comes to an abrupt halt and Y3K crashes into him, knocking him over. Then Y4K enters, and crashes into Y3K, knocking HIM over, and so on, until all the clones are in a heap except Y4C, whom Y2K uses the Force to knock over]

*The doors burst open, and Afgncaap5 quickly flies in. He circles around the room a few times, and notices the clones sprawled in a heap*

Ah, Y2K-And-Company. Never were much with coordination.

*Sets his OmeGAuntlet to "Polka Gun-Two Hours", and blasts Y2K, Y3K, Y3K, Y2C, Y3C, and Y4C, who all begin to dance to a polka song, and will be unable to do anything else for the next two VR hours. Affy turns away from them, and to the three Evil Genii, and frowns*

Okay, I know the clones. They're STUMPED members. I've dealt with STUMPED before, so I know them pretty well. But I'm new in Atross City, so I don't know the local crime syndicate very well. Should we make the formal introductions before or after the obligatory bar-fight scene, in which the three of us will battle for a while, with the rest of the extra characters joining in, and after a long bit of this either I will almost win, but you escape, or you will almost win, but I managed to cause a slight disaster which causes the entire place to be evacuated in a matter of seconds?

*Decides not to wait for an answer, and shakes the hands of the three EG members*

Afgncaap5, I'm a super hero from out of town. And you are?

*evillene sneaks up-- er, walks up behind affy (no need to sneak if you're invisible) and spins him around*

[evillene] *hisses* get lost, superzero...

*evillene shoves affy out the door and sits down at the bar. sea enters and stares at the clones*

[sea] this looks like the perfect time to test my anti-superhero-invention ray.

*sea blasts the clones with the ray, which cuts the polka-dancing time to 30 minutes*

[sea] not bad...

*sea sits at the bar and orders... apple juice*

*Barges back in, wearing his infra-red goggles. He sees evillene at the bar, and shoots her with the polka gun (set for six hours). He then turns back to the three members of EG*

Again, may I ask what your names are, so we can get on with the obligatory fight scene?

[EG1] Yes you may.

[Mewtwo crashes through the ceiling]

[Mewtwo] }Heh heh ... sorry.{

[Mewtwo uses his abilities to fix the ceiling, through which Vekura immediately crashes]

[Vekura] {Heh heh ... sorry.}

[Vekura uses her abilities to fix the ceiling]

[...through which the sound of heavy metal immediately crashes]

[evillene] i... hate... dancing....... i... hate.... the... polka.....

*sea falls off her bar stool laughing at evillene*

*NO 1 taps his shoulder twice to the polka beat. A green field appears around him and NO 2 and 3, they all stop polka-ing*

NO 1: Sorry, old boy... can't stop... previous engagements...

*NO 2 and NO 3 have between them produced a device that looks like a three way pogo stick*

NO 2: *face unseen* Come on, Elorex, we have no time...

NO 3: *who has a shrunken head contained within a glass dome* Yessss, hurry up Elorexsss...

N0 1: *jumps on stick, spits at affy and promptly dissappears*

[Y2K] AFTER THEM!!!

[Each clone runs in a different direction. Their paths converge, and they all fall down]

*IE runs in panting, a little late*
Wait, WAIT! Don't start the obligatory bar-fight without me!
You merely blink and what happens? Fights get started without you!

*Glances around*
Not <> started yet then.

*Looks again; finds a heap of clones, a dancing evil genius, another one in hysterics, the two mews fixing a hole in the ceiling and Affy wiping his face*
Oh, so, just a normal day at the office they call Atross City then!

*Looks at Y2K pointing towards the recently departed evil genii*
I thought they were on his side...? Why is he after them?

Anyway, is that bar-fight still on? We still have this group *looks around again* to contend with. If so, I suppose we'd better get on with it, so that we can get after those evil genii!

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[Y2K] That was Elorex! He owes me money!

*sea continues to laugh at evillene, who finally stops polka-ing and punches sea, who falls off the bar stool*

[Mewtwo shrugs]

[Vekura rolls her eyes]

*Without warning, a large puff of smoke appears in the centre of the room. A tall, dapper man in an impeccably turned out tuxedo and bow tie appears. He surveys the scene*

'Not too late, am I?'

UNCLE HEAVY!

*Affy rushes over and shakes UH's hand*

Oh, man, I'm glad you're back! Listen, Krylma Leader and I are no longer the same entity, and STUMPED has been up to a lot of dirty work lately, and they've gotten a lot more recruits, and KL is trying to make peace with the rat-ants in the Aroma Cafe's forest for some reason, and he's also gotten a really big spaceship inside a Hangar on Alien's space station...

*Affy starts panting*

Anyway, now that you're back, GL and I won't be the only heroes fighting off STUMPED. But that's the rest of h2g2, and this is Atross City, where they have some different Villains Syndicate called Evil Genii.

*Turns to Y2K and Company*


Okay, you clones need to chill.


*Affy shoots all of the STUMPED members with his OmeGAuntlet, which was set to "Snowzar-Two Hours". All of the villains, that is, except Sea who has this annoying habit of ignoring the rules of the Snowzar and breaking out of it. Sea is blasted with the Polka Gun (set for Two Hours)*

Okay, that'll hold the STUMPED goons until we can get them to whatever passes for jail in this freaky city. Now, after those Evil Genii...

[sea] *polka-ing* hey... this is kind of fun....

*evillene wishes she wasn't frozen so she could make some sort of comment*

*sea remembers her anti-affy ray and uses it on herself. affy now has... thirty minutes instead of two hours*

[Mewtwo nails Sea with a HYPER BEAM, knocking her out for ... THREE hours! ]

This is becoming a tad monotonous!

Welcome Uncle Heavy. I'm glad your here. We need more fighters-of-evil, especially with the growing number of Evil Genii there are around at the moment!

Look, if they're going to keep breaking out of these things, perhaps we should just count our losses and get after those Evil Genii! They could have destroyed the entirety of Atross City by now!
*listens to far off crashing*
Let's just hope they haven't... yet.

*Runs to the door, in true superhero, trying not to loose any more time, fashion.*

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