h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Who you calling silly!

So... do these monsters have big green slit glowinthedark eyes, funny breath and growl heavily.......??

Only the ones with green slit glow-in-the-dark eyes, funny breath and a sore throat.

Oh... that's ok then.... cos there's one behind me....

Only the one? They normally travel in threes...

Nope... the other four are to my left.....

Hmm... perhaps they got lonely and decided to travel in a 6.
That leaves the question... where is the other one?
And where is Styx?

*takes off backpack and leaves at pipe mouth*
*Amy now on Styxs head, eyes flashing danger, waving winchester*
*growling like nobody ever heard before, Styx advancing on monsters, all teeth bared hair standing on end, eyes glowing furious, tail sticking out straight*

Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Rat-eaters! Be very afraid!
Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

*monsters used to rats who run away, not huge rat with headlights, don't know what to do*
*monsters back up slowly*

*amy unfurls a large concave mirror in front of monsters* the monsters run away because they have never seen their reflections before*

That should keep them occupied for a while.

*wedges mirror across pipe while everyone escapes*

*Slightly annoyed that monsters ran away, because was just on the verge of having rather stimulating conversation about moss weed with them*

*Sighs...*

Fish can stay and chat with monsters when they come back.
We go home.
*shrugs on backpack, waits for amy ant to find place then trots back up side pipe*

*hauls herself back onto Styx's head*

Let's go.

Surely if they are used to travelling in 3s, they know roughly what they look like....?
Oh well, never mind...

It's usually dark. And the mirror was a magnifying one. And they're not the sharpest thorns on the evolutionary rose bush.

Talking of which - you'd better be careful; we have some rose bushes in the sewer...

*red eyes interested*
Good trick! You do genes or magic?
*keeps on following scent trail back toward side entrance*

How do roses bloom in dark? What about pollenating? *slows down* Can we see sewer roses?

They're BB's sewers. If he wants roses he has roses. At least he doesn't have to spend money on fertiliser.

Perhaps the roses eat doughnuts instead of photosynthesising?

Huh! His sewers, yes.
sniff sniff sniff
*feels slight change in air currents*
Bluebottle. *nods* Good to let me make connection with sewer rats. I don't need to come through here again.

But it's bad to let monsters eat any rats. Rats will probably move away now, make new Rathome. You need to find new food for monsters.
*nods again*
Amy Ant, coming with me or other plans? Need to go upriver now.

You go up river. I have Things To Do.

(From: http://www.h2g2.com/F24306?thread=82467&latest=1) Anyone caught eating the roses will be court martialled! *The ants, led by Amy the Ant, head down Pipe 42 towards Rathome carrying the Ratant Queen* *Arrive in Rathome* Grigor's friend contacts Styx by WAP phone to tell him of the success of the mission*

*Amy backtracks to the point where Pipe 42 crosses the main sewer and plays a tape of the mating call of the halitosaur. Six monsters assemble and wander around roaring and gently steaming thus blocking access to Pipe 42 from the F&F end.*